My 10 year old daughter actually looked at me and told me to f.o. I washed her mouth out with soap. My husband spanked her several times on her bottom with a belt. It was horrible hearing her cry and plead for him to stop. Was this too harsh? What else could we have done?
2007-01-20 08:21:20 · 53 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
No, your husband was right and did his duty as a father who loves her and wants her to treat her mother with respect! If you were to let her go, just think what things she would not only be saying but doing! I would have done the same thing! He was well within his rights as a parent to discipline her and she is lucky to have a father who cares enough to correct her! I think there is very little else you could have done that would have made a difference at 10. She is old enough to know what she is saying to you and she has just challenged your authority! If you soft soap this and let her get away with this you will have BIG trouble on your hands later! She owes you respect and you must teach her to respect you. You are the one who diapered her, nursed her , stayed up with her when she was sick! We can never repay our parents for these things and this is why she owes you respect! Kiss your hubby for a job well done and present a united front to your little girl! By the way, all you know it alls out there who do not believe in spanking and are responsible for the immoral generation of young people who are now populating our country and thumbing their noses to all authority, mind your own business and raise your own little lawless wonders! Oh, my kids love me and respect me! We are very close and they want to raise their kids the way I raised them! If the government wants to take over, it will be a sad day for the kids because we all know the track record the government has for raising decent well balanced kids....right? They should leave the discipline to parents who love their children more than anyone and stay out of our homes unless there is real abuse and neglect! A spanking that is well deserved does NOT constitute abuse! The Bible says to spare the rod and spoil the child. Sometimes, the old way is the best way!
2007-01-20 09:30:30 · answer #1 · answered by Marie 7 · 5⤊ 7⤋
Where I live, your husband could be prosecuted for what he did. Spanking (smacking the butt with an open hand) is one thing, and it is legal, but beating a child with a belt until they are begging you to stop is quite another. And I think the soap thing is just gross. I've heard of some parents just using a dab of hot sauce which I think is at least a safer alternative. Soap isn't meant to be ingested at all and it can even cause allergic reactions in some people. Also, was this the first time your daughter said this? If so, I think both of you just went for a knee-jerk reaction and didn't consider that maybe she doesn't even know what the word means. If it was the first time you should have talked to her and figured out where she heard it, and explained to her that it was a swear word and that you won't tolerate her saying it to you again and warn her of what the consequences will be. AFTER a fair warning, then maybe put a bit of hot sauce on her tongue or spank her with your HAND, not a belt. Although, since she's 10, that is a little old for spanking anyway and I'd say grounding would be better. Take away all her stuff and let her earn it back by behaving and being respectful.
2015-10-27 12:25:00 · answer #2 · answered by Hannah 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The belt, possibly. But spanking her and washing her mouth out with soap was totally justified.
Was it on her bare bottom?.
2014-01-08 15:45:43 · answer #3 · answered by Caring Chair 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes This is abuse!. Maybe she heard you tell your husband that when you got angry at him or visa versa. Soap in the mouth is total child abuse and a belt. Come on people. She is 10 years old. Does she not know how to talk yet? She is a person the same as you.
2007-01-22 05:49:25 · answer #4 · answered by Sassy 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Yes, it's hard to hear your children have to learn a lesson the hard way. We give spankings too (not with belts). I can say I relate, It's never easy to hear a spanking as a third party. Yes children will try anything to avoid a consequence. It's our job to remain calm, and support our husbands. He is not only teaching his daughter a valuable lesson, but also defending your honor. The only thing I would do is stop him before he starts spanking, and remind him to REMAIN CALM. As for your daughter pleading for him to stop, of course she wants it to stop, what child would want it to continue. After the spanking I would hope you, or more importantly you husband had a nice long talk about not saying such forbidden words, especially to her mom.
Hang in there
Good Luck
2007-01-20 19:43:13 · answer #5 · answered by olschoolmom 7 · 4⤊ 3⤋
Why do people spout off about spanking making better people, when there's no evidence of that? I was whipped (yes, this was a whipping that your husband gave your daughter) when I was growing up. Did it teach me respect for my parents? Nope. I feared them enough to not do things around them, but I had zero respect for them. Don't get me wrong, because I still loved them, but love and respect are two different things. Instead, I cussed where they couldn't hear it.
The fact that your daughter had time to cry and plead for him to stop tells me that this wasn't over quickly. You don't say how many times she was whipped, but I'm guessing that this lasted several minutes. There is no word for that besides abuse. This was not done out of love, but out of immediate anger. You should apologize to your child for allowing that to happen, and make it up to her. Let her know that you love her and are sorry. I never got that from my father. If I had, maybe I would have forgiven him for his mistakes.
As for the soap, I don't see anything wrong with that. If you had prefaced it with a good stern talking-to about why language like that isn't suitable for a young lady (approaching her on an equal level makes it more likely that she'll listen to you), and followed it with holding her and reminding her that you love her, then the lesson would have been learned quicker.
As for my teen years, the only time that I was really punished (aka, whipped) was at home. I was a model student at school, and salutorian of my senior high class. I never got detention, suspension, or even warnings in school. Apparently, my parents had their own ideas of "good behavior."
2007-01-20 18:10:33 · answer #6 · answered by baka_otaku30 5 · 2⤊ 5⤋
Of course your husband did the right thing by giving her a spanking! She deserved it! You are the parent not her! Your husband has just as much right to parent her as you do. He is her father and sounds like a good father. She crossed the line and wanted to see what you would do! If she would have gotten away with this, man you would have been in for one out of control kid doing anything she wanted .
No, she does not need counseling, and no, she does not need to have anything explained to her. She knows what she said to you was wrong at 10! She would have been calling you all kinds of names and maybe even tried to strike you later.
My cousin did not think spanking his kids was right. His children are 15 and 12. The 15 year old beats his mother and tried to hit his father with a hammer! He has been in trouble with the law. He has open contempt for his parents. Their parents have indulged their every wish and spoiled them. The 12 year old calls his mother horrible names and tells her he is going to kill her one day! I remember they came over once when they were younger, and almost trashed my house. The parents just sat there and refused to control their monsters. I told them they had to leave. I told the father if he did not start getting control that they would really have big problems down the road. They laughed and said that spanking was for "uneducated and old fashioned" people who did not know any better. Boy, he told me years later he wished he would have listened!
There is nothing more horrible than seeing your kid go to prison later in life knowing you could have taught this child respect for authority and for others if you would have tanned their little butts a bit! Thumbs up to dad for a great job!
2007-01-20 12:44:02 · answer #7 · answered by Alan C 2 · 4⤊ 5⤋
i don't think it was too harsh at all. it is natural to feel for your child's cries and would want your husbant to stop but i'd advise you to just walk to another room.
i'm not for grounding / removing privileges / rewards based system. i'm pro-spanking. in the bible it says spare the rod and spoil the child. i don't understand why the western culture is so against spanking. no offense meant to the americans but look at the crime and violence rate it has..... and it comes from a country that does not support spanking. i guess this is a diferent culture from the asian culture.
2007-01-21 02:46:15 · answer #8 · answered by ellie c 2 · 5⤊ 3⤋
There should never be a reason to hit your child. I also disagree with washing her mouth out with soap. Both of those actions were violent and overly harsh. And both of them could have caused her physical and emotional damage. I am a teacher, trained for years in child development and adolescent psychology, and of course I don't know your family or your situation. I am just speaking as an outsider.
But when a ten year old says these words, these things come to mind:
a. she is crying out for attention
b. she is around the wrong sort of people, either at home or at school, that she is hearing this kind of language and remembers to use it at all.
c. She will not connect her punishment to her offense. One of the first rules of discipline is to make the punishment fit the "crime." Hitting her had nothing to do with the thing she did. I would have made her do something that had to do with showing respect to you, that wasn't harsh and punitive (and extremely violent) and that would have taught her something in the meantime.
All she will remember from that is that if she is going to use ugly language, she better do it away from you. It won't stop her from using it; she will just use it away from home.
Look at her life, both at school and at home. Are her grades suffering, has she changed friends recently? She could be undergoing some changes physically that you may not be recognizing just yet. There could be a million reasons that this happened, and you must find the cause of it before you lose all communication with her. If this happens, it will be very hard to regain her trust and love.
She may come to fear you and your husband, and, in some way "respect" you because she knows you will beat her or cause her physical pain. But that is in no way true respect and love.
True respect and love come from real, open communication and knowing that the child can come to you when there is a problem and knowing that you will calmly help her work through it.
Good luck. Children are miracles.
2007-01-20 08:51:08 · answer #9 · answered by luvmelodio 4 · 6⤊ 7⤋
i gues my first thought would to be the soap but my husbands mom used to put tobasco sauce on his moth if he said a bad word. i think this is a little bit better because they cant get ill from it just lots of hot on their tongue. that really sucks. I would never hit with a belt or any object. I do spank my daughter and sometimes once on the but just isnt enough because they just laugh so you have to a few more times to get the point across. for me taking things away from my daughter doesnt work shes got so much junk shed just find something else to do.
2007-01-20 08:43:00 · answer #10 · answered by mamamia 2 · 3⤊ 4⤋