I was given up for adoption when I was born but have always had some info on my parents (mainly just there names). I have looked randomly online for any info to find them with little or no luck since I was about 14. Well recently I confirmed my father had died but out of the blue the past week I have found out where my mother lives and I don't know if I should contact her or not. My adopted mother died recently and I have no other family so I want to but I have bad feelings about pursuing her so soon after my adopted mother has died. Or if she would even want me contacting her. What should I do?
2007-01-20 07:42:38 · 11 answers · asked by isyk 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Please contact her as soon as posible she will let you know what she thinks about seeing you
2007-01-20 07:48:22 · answer #1 · answered by railway 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would not contact her. She gave up all rights to you when she gave you up as a baby. She will not be able to replace the position your mother held in your life, so don't look for that. Unfortunately you lost your parents and my heart goes out to you, but by finding her will not heal your wombs nor will it give you instant family. I learned this the hard way. Once you open that door you can not close it again. I have been dealing with that decision for 10 years now, and what I wouldn't give to turn back time. Please think carefully about this decision and realize that the two of you are not the only ones that will be effected by this. I say deal with your feelings about the loss of your loved ones and not complicate things.
2007-01-20 08:08:03 · answer #2 · answered by w2kaad 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If one can gleen anything from your 360 page, it appears you have lots of issues already. Why do you think you might be ready to deal with your birth mother??
I suggest BEFORE trying to contact her to search your soul and define your objective in doing so. Make a list to include what extent you want the relationship to be.
Just contact to say hello
Birthday or Christmas cards only
Continuing contact
Weekly chats over coffee
Regular visits
Extended visits
A mother/daughter relationship
Chances are, she may not be receptive to you, so YOU MUST BE READY TO ACCEPT REJECTION and Just contact to say hello. Once you have defined your objective and can accept complete rejection, then I encourage you to go ahead.
In any case and whatever the outcome, you will have matured in your thinking - and I wish you the best of luck and a favorable outcome.
2007-01-20 07:55:21 · answer #3 · answered by snvffy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would definately contact her. She more than likely thinks of you often. Don't expect alot. Some people apart this long, don't often communicate well. Just go slow, get to know her and let her get to know you, that is if the two of you are amenable to do this.
I had been separated from my father for nearly 24 years, i was 3 when my parents divorced. I had searched for him for several years. But didn't find him until 2 weeks prior to his death. We were only able to spend a few days together he was only 55 when he died. He felt like he needed to apologize for not being their for me as i was growing up. I told him no apologies were necessary. He seemed guilt ridden about it until i told him that. But, when i told him that it was like someone lifted the weight of the world from his shoulders.
2007-01-20 08:36:42 · answer #4 · answered by michael_trussell 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i understand how you feel i had the same problem with contacting my father or not... you should write her a letter giving here your info and if she wants to see you she will that why you know that you tried... but like the others said you have to be ready to accept it if she doesn't want to have anything to do with you. and yes you need to decide what kind of relationship you want with her. But if you don't try you will never know either. you have to go by how you feel about the whole thing. people feel different about these kind of things i know with me for a long time i hated my father for walking away form me but i came to relize i didn't know his side of it all either and till i did know i couldn't hold it against him. hope this helps and good luck
2007-01-20 11:45:57 · answer #5 · answered by julia b 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Definately contact her if you feel the need to, but just remember she may be thrilled, or she may not want to be contacted. More than likely she will be happy about it unless it will bring back bad feelings such as in the case of a rape or something. You'll only know what will happen if you try.
2007-01-20 07:48:10 · answer #6 · answered by sondra216379 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you feel the need to contact her, write her an old fashioned letter. you don't have the need to force a conversation as if you were to call. and if she wants to, she can then contact you. you still have that sense of being anonymous.
2007-01-20 19:49:45 · answer #7 · answered by LaRae L 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would contact her, she will let you know if she wants to see you or not.. Im sure she had good reasons for giving you up at birth, give her a call it will do u good to know what really happen an to finally get to know her
2007-01-20 07:58:57 · answer #8 · answered by pruittsgurl_01 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would write her a letter telling her bout your new life and tell her that you would like for her to be a part of it! Give her information on how to contact you and if she gets in touch with you then she wants to be in your life!
2007-01-20 07:50:40 · answer #9 · answered by brandibabe07 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
yes, you should contact her or you will die with out knowing your mom.and i was adopted to i just meet my birth mom.but try to start a readership with her and try to last it as long as you can
2007-01-20 10:19:15 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be cautious and be ready for a possible, not so warm reception. You never know though.
2007-01-20 07:50:50 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋