We were divorced mainly because of her drinking. For the last few months she's be sober, and we've dated a few times and both enjoy each other's company in every way ;-} but... she seems to want this to move back toward marriage... and I'm not ready for that... she's just been sober a few months and I'm NOT going to jump in again and her go over the edge again... so... how do I keep seeing the sober her without her pressing toward re-marriage?
2007-01-20 06:36:50 · 7 answers · asked by legrandchat 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
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2007-01-20 06:51:27 · answer #1 · answered by sorcergeek 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Good for her for making this effort to stop drinking. She must love you very much or she would not be doing this. I give you both a lot of credit. If she is working a 12 step program then you need to give her at least a year to be clean and sober. 12 step programs such as AA, tell their people not to make any big changes in their lives until they can remain clean and sober for at least 2 years. Relationships are the one thing that addicts have a hard time with which is why they drink in the first place. Usually the alcohol gives them the strength to deal with something that they are not comfortable with. For some people sharring emotions in a relationship is very hard for them. You can help her achieve her goals by going to ALANON. That is the AA group that helps the families and close friends of alcoholics to be able to understand an alcoholic and how NOT to enable them. It's a wonderful group of people. They can be so helpful. If you love your wife and want to help her then do the right thing. I hope the two of you can work this out but you will probably need to do some marriage counseling to get it together right this time so that she does not feel the need to drink. You need to get to the bottom of why she fells the need to have the help of alcohol to give her strength. If she is in a 12 step program, she knows that she should not enter into a relationship for 2 years. Just remind her of that step. If she is not in a 12 step program, she needs to be so talk to her about it. If she has admitted that she is an alcoholic, then she will have no problem going to AA meetings. My son was a drug addict. I went to ALANON to learn how to deal with his addiction. He has been clean and sober for 7 years but he goes to an AA meeting every day of his life. He says he will do it for the rest of his life. It reminds him daily that he never wants to be an addict again. That's where your wife has to be. She has to find out that life is better clean and sober than it is drunk.
2007-01-20 14:59:05 · answer #2 · answered by sunny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk with her. Tell her the truth. If you have an idea as to how long it will take you to be ready, tell her. If you don't, tell her. Have you dated anyone else since your divorce?
It took me 6 months before I dated after my divorce. The first one or two dates didn't go well, but now I"m well on my way to enjoying single life.
She's comfortable, someone you know. The easy way out. I'd see what's out there before getting back together with her, but since you already have, you should put limits on it immediately - once a week or less. Don't talk every day. Keep it casual.
2007-01-20 14:45:13 · answer #3 · answered by Billy Paradise 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just tell her to take it slow. Once you see for yourself and are completely confident that her bad habits have changed into good, then you can keep talking about re-marriage. She is probably just deeply hurt by you breaking up with her so she wants to jump right back into the relationship. Remember, you are exes with her for a reason...
Good luck! :-D
2007-01-20 14:45:31 · answer #4 · answered by lildevilgurl152004 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
join al-anon and find out how YOU can help her there and it will also help you to understand what she's going through. Hopefully, she's going to be sober long-term.
also, maybe you two can go to some counseling sessions together?
2007-01-20 14:44:51 · answer #5 · answered by BarbieGurl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have to let her know up front how you feel about her and the situation, but don't lead her on
2007-01-20 14:41:38 · answer #6 · answered by MS. T 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
try ALONON...best thing you could do for you and your ex wife
2007-01-20 14:41:42 · answer #7 · answered by grasshopper1216 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋