i asked this question 2 days ago. i realise i didnt provide enough info. i have updated below. apologies to u?

Question

One of my children found some porn magazines. should i tackle them to see which one it was or leave it? ~~~ ok i have a son 14 and a daughter 10. the porn mags were mine (just penthouse type not hard core) the mags were in a locked drawer in my cupboard. my keys are hidden but one of my children obviously found them, it is certain they looked in my drawer and left the keys on top of my cupboard ~ to me making it obvious they had seen in side. i think it was my daughter but am not sure. hence the original question. this was my second question since signing on with yahoo so i have learnt to provide more info in future. thanx for takin the trouble to help me xxx

Answer 1

I would sit them all down and ask who was on your drawer. Ones you know who have alone talk with him/her about the fact of him/her snooping in your things but also about what he/she saw

Oh and I dont think you have to stop keeping porn in the house... you locked it up which is the right thing to do. Your children need to learn that its not acceptable snoop in a place thats locked... they wouldnt like it either if it was theirs

Answer 2

The curiosity is quite normal. We all went through that, however what I would certainly pursue big time is the disregard for your privacy . Make sure you get that point across that you are not up tight because of the magazines. To snatch the key from a taboo place and get access to your stuff, THAT"S what is bad . How about if you had a gun cabinet or important papers in a locked vault. It's off limits . For that alone they should feel consequences . What that should be I don't know. I don't know your family, but my son would not forget my wrath I assure you .If they knew the mags were in there , they should have asked you to see them .Then you could tell them 'no' or whatever . Do not take them away. They belong to you . Remind them that as they get older they also will have private things that nobody else is allowed to touch .
Case closed.

Answer 3

Hi Belle

I'm looking at this from the POV of a youth worker. If you think it's your daughter, maybe she was trying to express her feelings about porn, ie not feeling good or disapproval.

If you do decide to talk to the children, I would just be aware that having a go at them could lead to them thinking stuff like, if porn was OK, she wouldn't be having a go at us so obviously has something to hide (they were locked away).

I'm not saying have them on display but children their ages think that way- that's an odd thought pattern but the children I work with say the same kind of messed up logic to me.

Leaving keys out so you know they've seen the mags, suggests to me a certain level of 'i don't know how to deal with this, so I'll see whether it gets mentioned' maybe your children just can't find the words to express their thoughts but also, they will be aware that they should not have been snooping.

Answer 4

Good question. There are several issues. What *all* needs to be done depends upon the family situation, what you and your kids are like, etc, so only you can decide.

Do you have "family meetings" regularly to discuss how things are going and to surface any issues anyone might have? If so, you might want to discuss "privacy". Each family member has a right to expect that his or her privacy will be respected - no sneaking into locked drawers, no reading of another's diary, no barging through a closed bedroom door without knocking, etc. After discussion, probably all will agree with that.

Very likely, you also feel the need to address the "porn" issue. If so, once all agree about respecting each others' privacy, I'd ask if there is anything about past privacy violations anyone wants to discuss. If not, you can mention finding your keys out of place and offer to discuss that privately with anyone who wants to talk about it. Where you go from there is very much up to you. Just be straightforward in your approach.

Answer 5

i dont think it matters too much. If they didnt get them out of your draw they would have found another way to get hold of porn mags. At that age they are interested in stuff like that. Just be glad it wasnt hard core. I would rather my kids look at stuff like that in my house than sneaking off to god knows where to look with their mates. If it really bothers you dont have mags like that in the house or keep your keys on you at all times, cause if kids think they shouldnt be going in some where they will hunt for keys ect untill they find them.

Answer 6

I would say its not worth shouting at them about it, they are both at the age where they are becoming more curious.

When my husband was a kid his dad showed him the porn pile and said help yourself just dont take it to school. What my hubby didnt know was that was the tame stuff and anything else was locked away where it couldn't be found, and hubby never went looking because he thought at 14 he had access to whatever he wanted !!

Perhaps that will work for you too?

Answer 7

No... leave it. You will embrass your children. I used to snoop in my parents bedroom when I was a kid. Think the first time I did it, was when I was about 10 years old. It didnt affect me (in terms of sexual interests). In fact I didn't have sex until I was in my 20's).

I suppose this is a trust and privacy issue but childhood is all about curiosity and learning. If you learn of any snooping in daddy's and mommy's bedroom again, tell them both, that they need to respect your privacy as you do theirs.

Let it go this time and ensure you keep the key's with you next time!

Answer 8

I would press the issue, not so much because of what they had found, but because they had violated your privacy. I would also ask them if they had any questions about what they saw-its gonna be hard to explain to your kids why you have pornagraphy but they need to know that its your right to have it because you are the adult and that they need to respect your privacy-no one likes a snoop.

And they may have accidently left the keys where they were because they simply forgot about them in all of the excitement over having found "naughty" picture books.

Answer 9

WEll you don't have to talk to them about the porn, but say don't snoop in your things hten politely ask whoever did it please put it back in my room. The kids are just curious and everyone goes through this stage. it will be just humiliate you and the child. A few days later have a talk with your younger duaghter about how she will be changing. your son probably already know everything. ANd you most certainly don't have to stop keeping porn in your house

Answer 10

Leaving Porn mags in your house is fine. as long as they are put away.
I wouldn't shout at them for looking at the mags. but I would for taking things that don't belong to them and having a nose.
ask them if they have any questions about what they had seen. and tell them its not a bad thing what they saw.
this might help you.