Don't get me wrong, I love my girlfriend, but I just can't stand the idea of having a wedding. Sooo many people invited, hardly any of them I really know, the catering, the music, renting out the place, stuff running amuck ... I mean if two people really love each other, why go through all that trouble? Shouldn't this be a personal event between a guy and a gal who like one another, and should not have all these distractions intervening at such an important day? Will my girlfriend flip out when I tell this to her?
I've been losing sleep and been avoiding her for the past couple of days. Please, serious replies only.
2007-01-20 05:37:56 · 22 answers · asked by Jus.Do.It 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
My husband and I got married by a Justice of the Peace. We had 8 people there and it was just as meaningful as a large wedding.
We both agreed on this though so if your girlfriend is absolutely set on a large wedding you guys had better figure this out BEFORE you pop the question.
2007-01-20 05:44:03 · answer #1 · answered by Chatty 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A wedding celebration is meant to welcome the newlyweds into each others family and circle of friends. It is indeed a personal event - exchanging of vows and love for each other is the personal part. Doing this with the 'public' invited is to witness, bless and be part of such a momentous occasion. If the number of people you think would attend is bothering you, perhaps the two of you could have a smaller more intimate wedding with a few close friends and your families. Besides, the more intimate the ceremony and celebration sometimes makes it is more memorable because there is less confusion and worry about making everything just right. Good luck and best wishes. Don't avoid your girlfriend anymore - talk this out with her so you both can come to an agreement about what should be the most important day of your life.
2007-01-20 05:47:41 · answer #2 · answered by Decoy Duck 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seriously, people put way too much empahsis on the wedding nowadays, and not enough on the marriage.
A wedding is merely a formality, a tradition, which serves as a public testimony of your marriage. Your concerns and frustrations with weddings are completely understandable and okay! Those are exactly some of the reasons why many people choose to elope, or just get married by a judge with a few witnesses.
Talk to your gf about how you feel, and how the mere thought of a wedding completely stresses you out. If you have a good relationship built on honesty, communication, and understanding, then you'll both be able to discuss this rationally without a big blowout.
You may need to compromise, however, if she has her heart set on a wedding -- consider a small, immediate-family-only wedding at a park; a destination wedding with only a few others along as witnesses; or an intimate afternoon event with cake and punch afterwards. Scaling down the "frills" of the day will make it much easier to bear.
Good luck!
2007-01-20 05:44:29 · answer #3 · answered by wnk 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing in a lasting relationship is communication. Start now by communicating how you feel with her. Thats the first step to this situation. I am sure that you both will come to an understanding and a mutual plan for future events. Weddings do not have to be BIG drawn out events. My wedding was very simple and down to earth. Everyone was happy and it worked out very well. When all was said and done, i.e., taking photos, cutting the cake, etc., we rolled out as soon as we could. It was great!
Do yourself a favor also and don't look at this as just being between you and her. A wedding or whatever is a family event. Do not disrespect family members by running off or blowing off their ideals for marriage. They have spent more time with her than you have and they have the right to offer up advice in regards to marriage plans and such. Be a good future Son-in-Law, if you are serious.
2007-01-20 05:59:58 · answer #4 · answered by Goober W 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The marriage is wayyyyy more important than the wedding. So keep that in mind.
Sounds like you don't want a big production, which is fine. Maybe eloping is more of your style. A lot of people do this ... you can go to Vegas or something, either just the two of you or with your immediate families. Or have a justice of the peace ceremony.
But don't forget that a wedding doesn't have to be a huge deal in a fancy hall, and cost thousands of dollars. You can have a small, intimate wedding wherever you want (house of worship, garden, family home, etc.) and then a simple reception afterwards. You could eat at a simple restaurant, or rent out a VFW hall and just have a simple meal or just cake and punch.
If you truly want to spend the rest of your life with your girlfriend, then remember that the marriage is what's important. Tell her that you want to marry her. If she agrees, then later on bring up that you don't want a big wedding. If she DOES want a big wedding, however, you need to compromise somehow, because marriage is all about compromise. If she wants a big wedding but you want to elope, then maybe a small wedding is the answer.
2007-01-20 05:43:09 · answer #5 · answered by BeatriceBatten 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I really think that ignoring her could just bring up more problems for the two of you. I'm getting the impression that you have not discussed this with your girlfriend.
I married my high school sweetheart in November of 2005. I completely understand how you feel when you say that you most likely do not entertain individuals that you hardly know. We both look back on our wedding with a sense of joy. We LOVE looking back at our wedding video and pictures and see everyone having fun and celebrating with us.
My husband and I discussed how we were going to celebrate our special day. We discussed every detail out from the guest list to the honeymoon. We were actually sad to see the evening end but excited because married life began and our wedding was a celebration of our lives and families coming together.
Not EVERY couple needs to have the big wedding with all the details. The two of you have to make sure that your wedding resembles you together as a couple. If this means a small wedding with just very close family and friends or eloping to a special place then that whats counts. You are going to remember this day for the rest of your lives make sure it what you want.
My advice to you is sit down and have a serious conversation with your girlfriend, and let her know how you are feeling. You may be surprised by her response. She may have more respect for you, once you let her know your feelings about a wedding. Just make sure to remember that the wedding is for one day and the marriage is for a lifetime.
You also have to respect your girlfriends feelings. This may be something that she thinks about often and she may have her own vision of a wedding.
I hope that this helps you, good luck.
2007-01-20 06:05:26 · answer #6 · answered by Tiffany M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sure you have told her. If not them do so and soon- they are expensive and most likely a lot of money has already been spent on the affair. So, backing out too close to the date can cost a lot of money.
The wedding day is many girls dream. They wait for years dreaming of the dress and the decorations and all that has to go with it. So, indulging her on this one day isnt so bad.
First, you may have a really wild bachelor party the night before and still suffering from your drunkeness the day of and it will be a blurr anyway. Second, and I am serious here, you can go to your doctor and get some anxiety meds for the next few weeks or months. Sounds cooky but its a real solution to real anxiety- thats why we have doctors and medicine. Its not permenant.
If you could convence her and the fam to cancle the fancy celebrations then I am sure they would give you the money they would have spent as a wedding gift. My uncle urged my cousins to do that but she wanted the wedding more than the money.
Best Wishes!
2007-01-20 05:46:26 · answer #7 · answered by jeweledfruit 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree. I don't see the point of a wedding. Well, in the end you should tell her because she should know, and if you don't and you guys do end up having a big wedding, BOTH of you guys are supposed to enjoy it. Not just her. I see what you're saying though, I can't stand the fact that at least 50% of the adults there will be strangers, and will not enjoy it. I have never really enjoyed anyone's wedding, it seems so boring for everyone, except the bride and the groom. But just tell her but not too late before she starts planning. You two should discuss the matter, and try to compromise. Hope this helps.
2007-01-20 05:47:14 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nothing says that you have to have a big wedding. But one thing to keep in mind is that the Wedding Day is for the Bride and the Wedding Night is for the Groom. My fiance feels the same way and if it were up to him we would have just eloped. He agreed to a wedding for me. It's just something about females that they dream of since the day they are little. With this said, we are also doing as much stuff as we can to keep the cost down and only inviting people we both know really well to keep it small. We are only inviting around 150 - 180 people and expecting less than that to show up. There are ways to keep a wedding small. I'm sure if you come to a compromise with your gf, she'll understand. Suggest having a small wedding instead of a HUGE wedding, that way you feel comfortable with having only people you know and aren't spending that much money and she still gets her day in the spotlight of being the blushing bride and having everyone do things for her.
2007-01-20 06:48:54 · answer #9 · answered by Kelly S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey your flipping out over nothing. A wedding is just a celebration of your love for each other. If your girlfriend wants a wedding and you don't, ask her if you can keep it small, or do a destination wedding and that will keep it small,private and romantic. Remember you love her its OK to tell everyone.
By the way you should not be loosing sleep over it. You have to be able to talk to each other or don't even think about getting married.
2007-01-20 06:16:17 · answer #10 · answered by lilly 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yea, she will probably flip out a little. it's the whole, "every little girl's dream to have a big wedding" thing. Keep in mind that no matter what anyone says, it'll end up being HER day, it's something that's all about the bride. Your whole paragraph was "I don't like this" and "I don't like that" but if you love her, you'll be a little less selfish and let her have that day. The most important thing about marriage is remembering to compromise. Ask if she's willing to have a small personal wedding. You could make it into a cookout or something, it doesn't have to be ridiculously expensive. But let her have her day, she's most likely been dreaming of it her whole life.
2007-01-20 06:04:19 · answer #11 · answered by HappilyEverAfter 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋