Is this normal? My mum died 6 years ago and me, my dad and sister have never sat and spoke about her????

Question

I think thats odd, they dont, but i think they say that because they are in denial.

Answer 1

in most families when someone dies no one wants to talk about it NEVER! it happens all the time but i think it's wrong. people should talk about their problems no matter how big they r.
i'm really sorry 4 ur lost

Answer 2

We all handle grief differently. I, too, had a major bereavement 3 years ago and everyone closely affected has reacted differently. There are no 'rules' but, having said all that, it is healthy to talk, remember, laugh and cry together.

Maybe your Dad and sister chat to friends, etc? It's no replacement for speaking to your close family, but it's better than nothing. Perhaps they are in denial - it's the brain's way of shutting out painful experiences. The trouble is, that pain has to come out sometime, somehow.

Maybe you need to direct your question to your Dad and sister...

My thoughts are with you....I know that 6 years is not a long time when you have lost someone so close.


x

Answer 3

I'm sorry to hear about your mother, it was very difficult for me when I lost mine.

There isn't a "normal" time to grieve or a "normal" way to grieve. Everyone has to work through it in their own way and time. Just because your dad and sister don't speak about your mum, it doesn't mean they are in "denial". They may find it too difficult to talk about her still.

When I lost my father I needed to talk about it and my mother couldn't. I joined a Grief Seminar and it was a tremendous help to me. I highly recommend it for anyone dealing with the loss of a family member.

If you want or need to talk about your Mum, why not look around and find a support group. The people in the support groups are all trying to work their way through the same issues and can be very helpful.

God bless you and good luck.

Answer 4

Don't be hard on them, everyone deals with grief in different ways. they cannot be in denial after so long as your mother is clearly gone from their lives .... perhaps you should think about at least remembering her communally on her birthday, or raising a glass of wine to her memory at Christmas. Or perhaps going through a few photograph albums together.
I think it's odd that you've never sat and chatted about your mum but try one of these suggestions and the conversation may flow. But if it doesn't, well you should respect their privacy. They're dealing with it as best they can.

Answer 5

Maybe your father has never got over the loss of your mother, there is nothing wrong with this, as people have their own ways of grieving. Do you and your sister talk about her. Do you mind speaking about her. If you dont, maybe you should start a conversation about her with your father and see what his reaction is. He may just find it extremley hard to talk about her because he misses her, try and reassure him and tell him you love him. Maybe family counselling may be needed to get you communicating again.

Answer 6

many families from many different cultures are not emotionally available for each other, and just sit there emotionally crippled.
You say your mum and sister have never spoken about her,and I am quite surprised you know that to be true.
If what you say is true then you have an opportunity to help your sister and father to grieve your mother amongst themselves if they choose to.
You dont choose your family,but your friends.
grieving can be done in private,with family or friends,and your sister and father may have grieved your mother in the best way they can.
My suggestion uis when you have the opportunity,and desire to grieve with your family,and it sounds to me like you want to do that,then be gentle and just be patient.
when grief is ending, gratitude comes to the surface.
thanks for your question

Answer 7

The denial stage of grief does sometimes last longer than others. Something will probably happen that will spark the conversation of your mother, and they can't just not talk about her forever.

Answer 8

Yep. i understand the place you're at. Like me you likely experience such as you're able to desire to be the solid one and not permit others see your thoughts. With babies it on no account sounds like the splendid time to grieve. We buried my grandmother and my father 28 days aside (my father died unexpectedly whilst my daughter grow to be eleven days old) and because then I even have days whilst i think of that I could desire to truly enable myself time to come again to words with it yet I on no account do. I consistently finally end up thinking 'no longer on the instant, i've got have been given to realize this and so on the instant'. Even 15 months later, i nonetheless won't be able to take it in that they are lifeless, because of the fact I even have in fact blocked their deaths from my ideas on account that then with a view to maintain on taking good care of my family members.

Answer 9

yes its quite normal,because people deal with grief in different ways, and it takes some people a long time to be able to speak about a loved one whos not around anymore

Answer 10

Sit down with them and ask them what they remember about your mother. That will start everyone talking, and you may find comfort in the conversation.