She has only paid 140.00 for 3 mos rent. She keeps messing up the house (spilling a lot of paint on the rug and hiding it, eating the kids snack food and not replacing it). She has had 4 jobs since september. I haven't kicked her out because I am afraid that she will get hurt. She goes on dates with guys she barely knows. She doesn't tell them her situation. I am afraid that I won't be able to protect her if I kick her out. She is almost 21. She needs to grow up. my bestfriend told her she needed to grow up and take care of the people that take care of her. She really made her realize how much she was hurting me. I have 3 children and a husband. We have a hard enough time paying our bills. How much longer should I give her. Probably none, but she is my little sister.
2007-01-20 05:14:33 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Your sister is too immature to realize what she's doing.
I would bet if you approached her, she wouldn't be receptive to your position, either. She doesn't "see" the validity to what your situation is..
I know that kid's snacks are expensive, but this may be a good opportunity for you to weed out some of those snacks. If your sister keeps taking them, stop buying them. Will it affect your kids, too? YEp. But is it REALLY bad to give them fresh fruit instead of gummi bears? NO! ITs BETTER for them- ask any physician.
And the plus side? You don't to worry about your sister taking kid-specific food!!
If your sister is going to continue to stay with you, you may want to draw up an informal leasing/renting contract.
Write down how much it is per month to stay with you. If that includes 10 meals a month, (your food) or kitchen privileges (her food) then that's what it includes. Be specific.
Also make sure that in that agreement you mention things like "Room damage." If she's damaging your carpet, she either needs to cover the cost of cleaning/replacing the carpet or a flat fee. For example: "The tennant willl be responsible for any damages incured during their stay. Including but not limited to, painting damage, plaster damage, water damage, overt wear-and-tear, etc. Should damages exceed $50, the tennant will be responsible for making arrangements to return the property to its orriginal condition. If cleaning the facilities does not return the property to its original state, the tennant will be responsible for repair/replacement of the facility."
Make sure you include rent cost. If you know she's only making $200 a week and she has a car payment and loans, etc, then be reasonable to her. Maybe $50 plus childcare (or something similar) is worth the rent! Include that into the agreement.
Also include the dates that you will accept rent. Is it only on the 1st of the month? Or is it acceptable as long as you get it before the END of the month?
THIS PROTECTS YOU! IT also protects your sister-- this way she knows what the rules are!
Help her gain some responsibility in your house. Tell her if she's going to live with you she's going to be part of the family. She's going to help with dishes any time she eats at your house. She's going to vaccuum her room and the hallway once a week. She's going to help with doing the wash of your bed-linens once a week AND helping re-make the beds.
Maybe she can watch the kids for you on her days off from work. This will let you go get a nap, go grocery shopping, go to the mall, etc, without the kids making it take 3 times as long!
If money is really tight with your sister since she's struggling to get on her feet, help her WORK OFF rent. How much does your current babysitter cost? Well if your sister babysits for you, then take that off her rent bill. How much does a gardener cost? Well if your sister mows the lawn or plants flowers or shovels snow, etc, take that off her rent. Make it like an allowance for her-- but instead of giving her $$ you're taking it off a debt she's incured.
This system should work since she will have more $$ in her pocket to take to the bank and save for her own apartment SOONER.
Don't lecture your sister on the guys she dates. She's 21. We all dated idiot boys when we were 21. Its the nature of being 21.
She'll figure it out in her own time.
You're asking for trouble if you start to act like her mother. You're not. You're her sister- you help her without lecturing her. That's the role of a sister.
Be open and honest with your sister. Try and establish a friendship. Go out for coffee once a week and CHAT about boys, about tv, about clothes- the normal things sisters chat about. Don't let the fact that she's living with you ruin a relationship you will want later in life.
You're doing a wonderful thing by helping your sister during this time of her life.
Don't give up on her. She needs some guidance and you're really helping her out.
2007-01-20 05:41:34 · answer #1 · answered by kerrisonr 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have a talk with her and tell her you will help her find a place she can afford within a month. Then take her out to look at
apartments and help her choose one and help her move. If she doesn't make enough money to pay her own way, check into getting her some help for a low income apartment and possibly some assistance such as food stamps to get her by until she makes more money.
2007-01-20 05:33:45 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't want to scare you, but your sister is at the age where many mental illnesses start. 4 jobs since Sept.? That sounds like me, when my mental illness began. If you want to look into it, NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) is probably the best place to start. I am almost positive they will have a chapter near you. They have many programs for family members, and there would be people there who would know how to get your sister into treatment. Even if she doesn't want treatment, right now, it might not be a bad idea for you to get educated, so you can be there for her. Or, I could be completely off-base, but that's the red flag I see.
2007-01-20 05:26:10 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your friend is correct, it is time for Little sister to grow up but also normal for you to worry about her. Have a talk with her and tell her how you feel but keep adding that you Love her and want her to be able to succeed on her own and shes not if shes living off you and your husband. Also, she needs to get a Steady Job if shes gonna stay with you. You are NOT her Mom, and if you allow yourself to be used, shes gonna use you...Good Luck, we always have tender spots for family and friends..
2007-01-20 05:20:44 · answer #4 · answered by donna_honeycutt47 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been through this.... Your husband and kids need to be your priority - If your sister is making your home life difficult you have to suck it up and give her notice. Give her 30 days to either find a new place or pay up and change her behavior. Your kids do not need to be exposed to this. Nor should your sister be putting you through this. Be tuff - she may not realize it now but you do love her and you are only looking out for her.
2007-01-20 05:25:38 · answer #5 · answered by megzz79 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to lay down the law to her. She has to grow up and as long as nobody tells her than she will keep doing what she is. Their is no reason for to be taking advantage of you and your family. She will not ever be able to take care of herself til she has no choice but to do it. Let her know you love her and don't mind helping her get up on her feet, but she has to be an adult and take charge of her own life. Good Luck
2007-01-20 05:21:57 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give her 30 days to get her act together, then kick her to the curb if she doesn't. At 20 years old, she needs to take some responsibility for herself. You have enough of your own.
2007-01-20 05:24:10 · answer #7 · answered by Lolly 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
She has to learn to stand on her own. Don't let her being there cause stress with your husband and children.
Sometimes loving someone means letting them hit bottom.
2007-01-20 05:23:02 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
serve her with an eviction notice
2007-01-20 05:20:33 · answer #9 · answered by Patrick F 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋