Help!!! My 9yr old is out of control at school.?

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Help!!! My 9yr old is out of control at school.?

My 9yr old is in third grade and always in trouble at school. He is adhd and on meds. but they dont seem to help with behavior at school. He gets good grades but wont follow the rules. We dont have a big problem when he's at home just the normal misbehaving of a nine year old. Just in the last 2 weeks he's been sent to inhouse suspension 3 times for kicking another boy who was picking on his brother and for not listening to the teacher(she asked him to do something and he threw himself on the floor). I also had to pick him up on day and take him home cause they tod me he was out of control and just wouldnt do anything. He gets into trouble almost on a daily basis. He does things like...tells girls the have cute butts and then pinches them on thier butts, one girl made fun of him so he told her that she probley has sex with dogs. Im at my wits end, I dont know what to do with him...HELP please!!

2007-01-20 05:08:54 · 16 answers · asked by BELLABELLA 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler

We have taken away things at home...t.v., game cube, all toys, and grounded him we have even tried spanking but nothing seems to work. The school has even involved DCF once(my kids came home and told me they were there asking them abunch of ?'s but they never showed up at my house), the school thinks he's abused or something, which hes not. When I go to the school because he's done something they watch me and try to listen to what i am saying to him. He is the youngest of 3 and I have no problems with the other ones at school. I told them they had to be very firm with him but since the begining they have told me its so hard cause he will give him that face(he has a little puppy face when hes in trouble) and they feel bad. So what am I to do? I have even thought about volenteering in his classroom but the make me feel so weird when Im there by staring at me like Im doing something wrong.What do I do when Im doing everthing I can but they arent doing anything but point fingers at us?

2007-01-20 05:23:51 · update #1

Its not the drugs they help him stay focus when it comes to his schoolwork. He also wont act like that at home because he knows its not accepted at home. He has tried different meds and the concerta works best for him.

2007-01-20 05:27:49 · update #2

16 answers

You might want to ask your son's teacher about a behavior mod plan. Basically, this would mean your teacher would record your son's behavior a few times a day on a slip of paper, and then send it home to be signed.

Example of what a behavior mod sheet might look like:
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Hands to yourself ___ beginning of day
Hands to yourself ___ middle of the day
Hands to yourself ___ last part of the day

Completed all schoolwork ___ beginning of day
Completed all schoolwork ___ middle of the day
Completed all schoolwork ___ last part of the day

Speaks appropriately to adults and kids ___ beginning of day
Speaks appropriately to adults and kids ___ middle of the day
Speaks appropriately to adults and kids___ last part of the day
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Then you talk with the child and let him know that he will get a reward if he gets 7 our of 9 stars (or whatever you decide on). The reward could be picking a small toy from a prize box, piece of candy, or whatever motivates the child.

This kind of sheet works because it provides the child with clear, constant feedback throughout the school day.

It also shows that teachers and parents are working together and communicating. Kid's won't be disrespectful at school because they know they'll have to answer to mom and dad when they get home.

Good luck.... I hope things get better for you!

Another thought for next year-- Even though most schools say they do not honor parent requests for specific teachers, if you ask and ask and beg, they'll usually cave in. I'd suggest, for next year, request the most structured teacher the school has. Most kids who get into trouble end up doing a lot better when they are in a classroom with lots of daily routines, repitition, and structure. Also, some students respond better to a female teacher or a male teacher. Just another thought....

P.S. I don't know who the Children Specialist (below) is, but why did they copy my answer to you????

2007-01-20 06:00:51 · answer #1 · answered by TumbleTim 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋

We've been faced with similar problems, but our son isn't severe enough to require meds. I know that everyone has opinions on the medications, but you have to do what's right for your son. I've discovered that the people who are most vocal about not medicating children with ADHD are people who have never had to deal with an ADHD child. If he had cancer, would those same people criticize you for giving him chemo? Not everyone understands what you're dealing with, and they assume that meds are just an easy way out.

My solution has been to spend a lot of time in the classroom, and it's been the best thing for us. I don't focus on my son, I help the whole class, but my son behaves better because he knows that he can't push mom's buttons the way he can push the teacher's buttons. The teacher has a less stressful day, and my son isn't constantly in trouble, which is soooo much better for his self esteem. I also ask for a lot of communication from the teacher, because I can't help at home if I don't know what's going on at school. Some teachers are willing to work with us, some aren't, but we just have to do the best we can. We do a lot of talking about respect, for others and for yourself ... lots of "how would you feel if you were that person?" conversations. He understands, and he tries, and that's all we can ask of him.

Serious structure at home helps us, with set schedules and a calm environment. Goal setting and rewards have worked well, where we had a book go back and forth between us and the classroom teacher that told us how his day went, and we rewarded him for time periods of good behaviour. Is he severe enough to qualify for funding for a teachers aide in his class? I don't know where you live or what the processes are there, but do some research because a trained aide can help so much. Good luck.

2007-01-20 06:32:33 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋

Maybe the doctor's need to try new meds? Maybe firmer rules need to be laid down at home and follow through needs to as well? I would punish my child for kicking anyone, t.v. privilege's gone, no friends over. etc. I also teach my son that he must be respectfull to especially girls, even if they are not being nice. He knows to never lay a hand on a girl.

I hope you can find a solution to his anger. I hear that often depression goes along with adhd and anger issues. Maybe a counselor would help, or homeschooling him if it doesn't get better soon.

I'm sorry the school is now pointing the finger's to you instead of trying to find him help. Try not to feel bad, this happens alot. My friend's kid with adhd told the school his mom was beating him, she didn't stress because she new it wasn't true. I can't imagine how hard this is for you. Your his mom and will in the end know what is best for him. Good luck!

2007-01-20 05:21:17 · answer #3 · answered by pearl28 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋

Like Tumble Tim said, you need a behavior modification plan, and I'm surprised the school hasn't requested a functional behavior assessment. You need to request one in writing, immediately. Do all things in writing so that the school can't backtrack. Go into the office and say you want to sign approval papers to begin evaluations NOW. Don't leave until you sign them. Drugs may modify activity, but they don't teach appropriate behaviors, so definitely request an IEP meeting and get that document altered. He needs to have frequent rewards for doing well, and consequences for being a brat.

Sexual harassment is not part of ADHD. If someone did that to my daughter, there would be all kinds of hell at the school, I don't care what their diagnosis is. I have a son with aspergers, and there would be a lot more than missing videogames if that happened with him. Maybe you should request an alternative placement, in another school that is prepared for behavioral disruptions. Sorry if it sounds harsh, but he's halfway to be an adult. It's going to take that long to retrain him to behavior in a socially appropriate manner.

2007-01-20 13:09:05 · answer #4 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋

Number one- get him off the drugs. Studies are showing that kids who take these brain-altering chemicals grow up to be drug addicts! You don't want that!

Number two- he needs to feel like he is in control of something. Within that; number one is him learning self control. Put him in martial arts with a MALE teacher. Give him a while to get into the routine with his instuctor. Take him 3 times a wekk if he wants to go that much. It WILL be worth your money. Number two within number two- give him something POSITIVE to be in control of. We often confuse this with a responsibility. Responsibilities suck! You don't like yours do you? Me neither. Something that he likes, that is not harmful, need to be put 99% in his control, so he feels like he has SOME power over his life.

Number three is the parents. Be consistent. Be reasonable! Taking away a game for a whole month is ridiculous. The whole point is lost after a couple days. When you do something that extreme the kid figures that it doesn't matter what they do- the outcome won't be very good for them.

Good luck! These approaches will work VERY well for you I think!

2007-01-20 17:17:14 · answer #5 · answered by Honesty given here! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋

well lets see here i have a brother in law that has adhd and he is on meds aswell but it dont work what we have found out is that when he smokes pot it seems to chuill him out and it really does work hes alot more focused and he dont cause trouble he pretty much has been doing real well and just graduated and now is on his way to state university hes been smoking weed for a long time and has turned out to be a very successful young man i know when u see or here the word weed u say oh no never me right well guess what its alot better then those pills the doctors are so quick to pass out they could care less if it is your child do what u need to. sometimes the stuff that sounds bad really isn't. best of luck to you.

2007-01-20 05:57:26 · answer #6 · answered by kalamorm 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋

A lot of thinks are involved in it .He is more energetic. He is more genius.He may not have enough sources or ways to release his energy. Did he has an younger to pet, love and play? Involve him in more activities and release his energy.
Children can feel and enjoy sex even at the age of 3 onwards.It may not be as a grownup. He is living in this world seeing a lot, feeling a lot, understanding a lot as he can. So give him more love, involve him in many activities and release his energy in a positive way which will be a way to change his attitudes.
In transactional analysis,There are four basic rules.1) I am OK,You are OK. 2) I am OK you are not OK. 3)I am not OK you are OK. 4) I am not OK you are not OK. From this rules 4 ,3,& 2 mind has to bring to the stage of 1. So study him ,observe him, push him , pull him. Mind is like a thread in a table top.Push him by encouragement. Pull him by rewards.

2007-01-20 05:51:55 · answer #7 · answered by orgeJege 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋

2007-01-20 06:15:57 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋

when my boys started acting up in school, i threatened to follow them around ALL day at school and embarrass them if they acted up. The bad behaivor stopped quickly.
Dont be afraid to call the school admin and say "hey I'm coming in today and am going to sit in class with him and eat lunch with him and be with him every second of the day to get the behaivor under control" They will probably be soo refreshed to have a parent who actually cares enough to put a stop to school behaivor.
I will say this..my 10 yr old had tons of issues in school. he'd get under the table and stay there and throw fits, get in fights etc...come to find out..the reason for all his problems was frustration and boredom. He wasnt being challenged in class so he acted out.

2007-01-20 06:32:34 · answer #9 · answered by enticinmel 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋

Hate to declare this yet you're in all danger in for a coarse experience - getting expert help for doubtless "general" teenagers that have coping issues is rather a crap shoot. the only component you're able to do is be very clean on your loved ones values, set up abode regulations that component staggering lower back at those values and get consistent with outcomes for breaking the regulations. A 9 300 and sixty 5 days previous with those ultimate alerts spells hassle until eventually you get good with putting limits and bounds. teenagers won't like it yet you're a parent no longer a chum. prefer to work out your destiny in case you do no longer act now. Do a cyber web seek on "bothered adolescents" or "help My teen".

2016-10-07 11:10:34 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋