Will i ever feel happy?

Question

I am 19 and have a history of experiencing domestic violence, self harm and drug/alcohol addiction. I am now leading a safe and reasonably healthy lifestyle - 3 years clean offf drugs, i don't self harm any more and am a lot more positive than i used to be but i still feel that i have a lot of issues that i am carrying around with me.

I have 12 GCSEs and 4 NVQs, as well as being a trained hair extensionist so i have intelligence but my past

Some days, someone has to say something i take to heart or something minor goes wrong and i'm bursting into tears! I am irritable most of the time and think a lot of negative thoughts. I have feelings of sadness, guilt and anger.

I find it hard to talk to family as i don't want to worry them any more than i have done already in the past.

I am trying so hard to pull myself together but at the moment all i can seem to do is sleep, eat and smoke!!! I know that its not the answer!!

Has anyone felt the same as me before? :-) :-) :-)

Answer 1

Yes, I have felt the same. Yes, you WILL feel happy again. But you do need counselling. It will really help. You have a lot of unresolved issues. You have done SO well to stop the drugs and self harming...you really have. Now you need to focus on the anger you still have inside from the past.

It is better that you do this with a counsellor as they can be objective, unlike your family. The only way to rid yourself of these angry feelings is to work through them. I always used to say, HOW??? But with someone skilled you'll be surprised at what comes out.

It took a long time for all these feelings to build up in you so it may take some time to work through them.

If you do go for counselling, one piece of advice I would give you is to be very open to what ever is suggested or said. We are often very defensive, but the counsellor can see things we can't, so always try to consider what they say and why they are saying it.

It seems to me that although you are going on with your life, something still feels very broken and you are feeling vulnerable.

Make an appointment with your doctor and ask for a referral.

Best wishes and good luck : )

Answer 2

You are suffering from clinical depression. You have all the diagnostic criteria - tearfulness, sleep disorder, eating problems and magnification of negative thoughts. Given your history, you have every right to feel this way. You should feel proud of yourself for coming so far. You have achieved an awful lot coming off drugs and getting out of your abusive relationship. Well done!

Now you have to deal with the damage to your mind. You must see your doctor, who will probably recommend an antidepressant at first. This will give you the boost to start working on the roots of your problems. Make sure you get some therapy, cognitive behavioural therapy (CBD) is quite effective. You've made the first step in admitting a problem but you do need help to get out of this damaging cycle of negative thoughts. Try to look at things positively. Make lists of things you like about yourself and your achievements. Read them often. The Samaritans are always there if you are having a tough day. Try and find a support group for people who have come through addiction or abuse. Sharing your feelings with understanding others will help.

You sound like a strong person. Get the help you need and you have no reason not to have a very bright future. You certainly deserve it.

Good luck and take care :)

Answer 3

First of all, well done for turning your life around. Making such changes must have taken a huge effort.

It's fantastic that you've come so far by yourself but everyone needs help at some point. I'm not going to suggest that you get your family involved as I don't know you or them and I'm sure you've already thought of that. Sleeping, eating and smoking are probably not the long-term answer, but have certainly helped me in the past.

It entirely depends on you on your next steps.

Your doctor should be your first source for information. If he/she is a loser, get a new one (I say this as a doctor!).

Some people take antidepressants such as fluoxetine which are proven to improve mood. They are generally very safe and have few side-effects.

Some people don't like the idea of medicines. That's a personal decision and not something to be criticised for. There is something in your post - "Has anyone felt the same as me before" - oh my goodness, yes! There are many, many support groups out there for people who've experienced all the things that you have (as hard as that is to believe, domestic violence, self-harm and drug/alcohol abuse are far too common). The style of these groups varies enormoujsly. Some stick with the stereotypical "sit-in-a-circle" approach, others just meet and have coffee, others are online.

Why not surf the net for groups like this in your area? Don't be scared of those run by Christians - you don't have to be a God-botherer to go and they won't make you sign-up. They tend to show a lot of compassion where doctors don't.

You're not alone.

Supe

Answer 4

Yes!! You have suffered quite a lot and these things leave scars! Scars never go away and sometimes you will hear or see something which will reopen the wound - I do not believe you can ever loose that. You do, however, learn to live with these memories and feelings. Have some counselling, find a counsellor that you like and go regularly. I had a bad childhood and went through a similar experience, drugs, etc. I am now 40. I would not say I am ecstatic but I life live as best I can and do the best for my family. I am a social worker which helps me to channel some of my energy into others who need help. I see a counsellor once a month as it makes me feel more stable. You need to find a way to cope and sometimes it will be harder than others. You will never feel happy all the time but nobody does! Just learn to live with your experiences and find something that helps you like a worthwhile job or close friends - anything really.

Good luck and never give up. We only get one life so make the most of it the best you can.

Answer 5

I suggest that you go see a psychologist. It sounds like you have a form of depression. A psychologist can find out which form you have and proscribe the proper treatment. Look for free health alternatives, like the free clinic or other such organizations to find help in paying for it. Some Church organizations provide some services for free or minimal charge. Don't worry about being different. If you study a little you will find that there are a LOT of people in the same boat as you.

Answer 6

It sounds like the depression you have been experiencing hasn't fully left yet, oftentimes, your medicine will need changed around because it's not as effective as it used to be. See a doc and explain that you still have this depressive thoughts, he/she will get you a script that will make you feel better. I am so so happy to hear that you don't self harm anymore, CONGRATULATIONS, that is beautiful, now let's work on the leftover feelings, don't give in or give up, you have reached a higher level, keep reaching out, it can only help. Good luck.

Answer 7

honey you only 19 and seem to have been through so much. you are obviously a survivor so try and big yourself up. when you wake up in the morning say to your self today is gonna be a good one for every negative sad thought replace with a positive happy one. write a list and do one new thing each day (even just a walk) start tomorrow life is short mate!!!!! all else fails go see your g.p maybe some counselling!.I wish you luck p.s you will be happy again :-)

Answer 8

You have to go on going towards the good path.
I am irritable most of the time and think a lot of negative thoughts. I have feelings of sadness, guilt and anger". those are signs and symptoms of depression. but you are also "don't want to worry them any more than i have done already in the past" this is a good sign of recovery, you have to keep on and you will be soo happy, We all hope that.

Answer 9

you need to let go of the past you have done a lot with your life a lot of people would have failed there education because of what had happened to them you seem to be a lot more capable than you give yourself credit for i think you just need a little guidance so Get yourself some motivational Cd's something like tony Robbins or Richard bandler would help you one day you will look back to realise what an achievement you have already made

Answer 10

Dear Hayley,

I have felt very similar to you before now.

I looked for help but couldn't find it, but kept looking.
Eventually a copy of the book Dianetics (The modern science of mental health) arrived in my hands and over the last few years my whole life has turned around.

I am very rarely unhappy now whereas I used to be every day!

Good luck x