me and my ex husband spilt 4yrs ago and i have tried really really hard to raise my eldest daughter. she is now 10 but is a real hand. if things dont go her way she throws a tantrum that involes everyone. she has always wanted to live with dad and i finaly gave in on thursday. i have agreed only so that she is happy she will still see me and go on holiday with us. but it just hurts so much. i know my life will be so much easier but she is my child and i feel like have failed.
everyone says i will get the best bits of her now and hope this is true.
what do you think
2007-01-20 03:58:44 · 23 answers · asked by tinawells_uk 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
You havent failed, you have done what you think is right. Of course you are going to miss her. But on the other hand, she may learn that its not all sweetness and light with her dad, and may have the same tantrums with him. Yes you will get the best bits from her now, the bits her father was getting.
2007-01-20 04:05:13 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
I don't have children and don't particularly like them, but in cases like this I've always believed the child should decide where they live, not the parents or a judge. If your daughter is happy be happy for her. You WILL get the best bits without all the extra worry and stress. You haven't failed, if anything you've succeeded in raising a child who's sensible enough to know what she wants from life, despite the tantrums. Now is the time to live your life safe in the knowledge that your daughter is happy and secure. Many children don't get that option and your daughter is one of the lucky ones. You're still her mum and always will be.
Good luck to you.
2007-01-20 22:49:31 · answer #2 · answered by ♥ Divine ♥ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wellll....
I think the bigger issue here is the fact that you and your ex need to work together to deal with your dd's behavioral issues. A ten year old is waaaay too old to be having temper tantrums. Either she has an anger management problem OR she has learned that she gains something from her tantrums. Either way, this is a behavior that needs to be stopped now before it escalates into serious trouble.
If she has an anger management problem, you should seek counseling. If it's merely that she has learned that tantrums get her what she wants, figure out what she wants and then refuse to give it to her. Yes, that does require persistence and stubbornness on the part of the parents, but that is the job of a parent.
And if she was using her tantrums to get to live with her father, then she won AND she learned that whenever she wants something all she has to do is make your life hell and you will give it to her. So don't think that this is the end of the tantrums, because it's not.
Good luck.
2007-01-20 04:12:53 · answer #3 · answered by Karen L 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I think at 10 she is old enough to know her own mind on this issue. And if you have been battling her for 4 years then it's not as if this wanting to live with her father is a new craze is it? Isn't far better to get her settled with her father than to be forever fighting against her? Of course it hurts, she's your daughter. But she is also her own person, albeit a small naive one who still needs shelter and protection. Go to her father and book a holiday-slot now and give yourself something to look forward to.
2007-01-23 01:52:09 · answer #4 · answered by Quorlia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you did a very unselfish thing. She will probably quickly find that the grass isn't always greener on the other side & that dad has rules that have to be followed & will sometimes tell her no too! Once she realizes this she may ask to come back to live with you. Just make sure that she realizes that you love her & would welcome her back at any time BUT the same rules will apply - they haven't changed. Good luck to you!
2007-01-20 05:46:23 · answer #5 · answered by dmommab@sbcglobal.net 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you have failed at all. You have tried and given of your very best for her. Your daughter can try living with her dad but she can always change her mind and come back to you. She may miss you a great deal but will only discover this after she has gone to her dad's. Do you live far apart?
2007-01-20 04:05:42 · answer #6 · answered by Birdman 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As soon as she realises that throwing tantrums with her father gets the same reaction as throwing tantrums with you, the situation may change- she may want to come back.
Right now you are probably the bad one in her eyes - but she will soon find out that the grass is not greener at her fathers.
Try to bear with it, and make sure that she knows that you love her and she can come back whenever she wants - you can't do anymore.
2007-01-23 02:03:56 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you guys should have let her live with Dad at the beginning if that was what she wanted. Going through a divorce is hard enough for kids without her not getting to see Dad as much as she wants.
2007-01-20 04:24:47 · answer #8 · answered by GeekGirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
.there's an old saying "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence" you haven't failed as a parent, in no time she will realise how good you were and she will look to go back living with you. In the mean time you enjoy your time together and let her know you are there for her.
2007-01-20 04:15:59 · answer #9 · answered by nadie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unless there is reason (physical abuse, unsteady income, etc.), although people are divorced or separated, especially where children are concerned, let the children live with whom they want. Everyone will be happier, despite the intial heartache. I think you'll "get the best bits of her now" too. Good luck! It will get easier as time goes by.
2007-01-20 04:06:59 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋