Child Custody?

Question

My family is going through divorce, and we feel that my father is trying to take my brother away from my mother and I. My father never was a father figure and now all of a sudden hes buying my brother many things, and he suspiciously called the high school hes in to ask for attendance and hes been telling my mother that hes been hearing that my brother doesnt make it to school. Which is a lie. My brother is 14, and, I was wondering, is he able to decide who he can stay with? My mother doesnt work though I dont know if this has anything against it probably. Thank you

Answer 1

Your brother can state to the judge who he wishes to stay with, but ultimately it's up to the judge.
If your father makes false accusations in court and tries to win your brother's love by bribing him, the court will see through it, and it won't make him look good. They've seen it many times.
It seems your father is acting immature and trying to make a guys vs. girls fight. Adults can become very mean and manipulative going through a divorce, and ultimately, it's the kids who suffer.
Your mother not working shouldn't count against her in court, unless she's doing it on purpose so that in the court settlement it will look like she makes no money and your dad makes a lot of money, so she will get larger monthly payments.
If she has a good reason for not working right now, it won't count against her. (Going back to school, needing to spend more time with family) If she's doing it just because of the divorce, it might.
A mother staying home and raising her family IS considered a job. If she had a good career and has been working most of the time she's been raising you, it will send up a red flag.
If she takes part time jobs off and on for extra money for the family, then not so much.
I'm sorry you are going to have to go through this. Stay strong.

Answer 2

My father did the same thing. The only reason he's buying your brother all these things, is to make it seem like that's what it would always be like. Trying to buy his love, so he sides with him. And if you father has never really been a father figure to begin with. He's probably doing all of this to hurt your mother, and maybe even you. He could use the fact that your mother doesn't work against you. But your brother is 14, the same age I was when I had to make the same decision and fight for myself and my younger brother and sister. So I think that he's old enough where the court would let him choose. Remember that is difficult, but be strong and remain a family. I hope everything works out for the best, God bless.

Answer 3

Usually at that age - the courts will let the child decide where they want to go. The most important thing is this...

When your Mom and Dad go to court - make sure that your Mom is ready to talk about all of the benefits of your brother staying with her. She should NOT talk bad about your Dad. The courts do not want to hear you bitching and complaining about the other spouse. The courts want the parents to get along and do the best that they can for the children. So - your Mom should talk about how important it is for your brother to have a relationship with his Dad - but that she thinks the consistancy of him remaining in the same home with her - with the same school/homework schedule is very important. She should point out that she's able to be there for both of you when you come home from school because she's blessed enought to not have to work. She should ONLY talk about what she can give to the kids and how it is good for the kids. She should not say anything bad about your Dad (I know I already said that - but it is so important)

Also - your parents should try to work out a court order where your Dad does have some parenting time. Usually it's every other weekend and most holidays. Sometimes one weeknight as well. It's VERY IMPORTANT that your parents work together on this if they are willing to do it.

You say that your father was NEVER A FATHER FIGURE. Never????? He never did one fatherly thing for you and your brother? Never is a very strong word. (Don't let your Mom use that one in the courts - it'll piss them off). Did he at least go out and earn the money so you could be clothed and sheltered? That's pretty fatherly - though you may not see it that way. Did he ever teach you to drive or help you with homework or play with you? Probably not as much as you wanted - but I'll bet you can't fairly use the word "never"

Maybe he was not the best Dad - but if he wasn't hitting you and offering you drugs - give him a chance. You only get one Dad. Maybe the divorce has been a wake up call for him. Maybe he really wants to be involved now. He's lost his marriage - and I don't know why - but he is probably feeling horrible that he may lose his kids now too. Maybe he isn't the best Dad - but it sounds like he's trying a bit now - in the only way he knows how. Don't shut him out. My Dad died when I was 5 years old. At least you have a chance to have a Dad in your life.

Good luck & blessings to you and your family.
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Answer 4

If your father wants custody of your brother he will have to go through the courts and they will decide. First he must prove your mother unfit for some reason that is probably why he is checking into your brothers attendance.
Now your brother is old enough to tell any judge want he wants, if the judge ask and the brother saids dad then it's dad. Sorry.
Your mother not working wouldn't play a part in it unless he can prove she isn't paying her bills.

Answer 5

In all 50 states once a person is 8 years of age, the judge can let the child decide which parent he desires to live with. Your dad would have to pay child-support so it doesn't matter if your mother doesn't work a job. As long as she can provide a place to live and such the courts will more than likely let him live with your mother.

Answer 6

In the state I live in, children have the right at 12 years old to decide whom they want to live with. Divorce is always the hardest on the children and your parents ought to make every effort to make you and your brother feel more at ease and they shouldn't put you in the middle of it. Maybe he doesn't want to pay child support on him if he lives with your mom. You should try not to take sides in this situation either. Your mother should talk to your brother, this is big problem when a child is put in the situation to have to choose between their parents. Adults shouldn't do this, they should know better. I have been through divorce, I tried very hard to keep my son out of it and I always let my son go to his fathers anytime he wanted to and stay as long as he wanted and never said anything negative about him to my son. Maybe you and your brother need to set your parents down and tell them to keep the two of you out of divorce so that you don't feel you need to take sides. Good Luck, wish you didn't have to go through this at all.

Answer 7

Well, I'm not sure about whether or not your brother can choose yet, there's a new custody law in effect. I know that your mom not working hurts the chances of her getting custody but it all just depends on how your dad treats all of you. You should probably look up the new law to make sure.

Answer 8

I'm not sure but think at his age he can pick what parent he lives with. I think its good if the children see both parents some. Believe me sure your dad showed more love then my does and my mom dead so i have no choice

Answer 9

well in most states he is old enough to make his own decisions

Answer 10

Boys need to be with their dad's....