We've been dating for one year. We live 30 miles apart. He's 31 years old and lives with his friends' parents - he's lived there for nearly two years. He has never worked the whole time I've known him - on jobseekers allowance. He doesn't own anything, except a computer and his clothes. He wanted to move into my place after only 2/3 months together - I said 'no' because it was too soon. We agreed that he could move in (providing he had a job) after 7 months together. He didn't find a job (I wasn't there to see if he looked for a job), so I said he couldn't move in. When I have tried to help him look for a job or tried to help when he has come across problems when looking for work - he has told me that I'm interfering. He said that he will move in this month but again it has been put off. He claims I am pushing him, when he is not ready. Point is, he claims to love me, says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. Should I save myself for him?
2007-01-20 01:17:16 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
If he's 31 yo, and he still isn't ready to have a job and be financially responsible, don't let him move in and proceed unless you are willing to support both of you for the rest of your relationship.
He's telling you that he's not ready to take any responsibility for himself yet, and he's showing you that, as well.
If you are willing to work for the next 20 years while he sits home on the couch, or goes and plays with the boys...there is no problem with moving forward in the relationship. He's waiting to see what you are going to do, and what you are willing to put up with, it IS up to you. I've seen people around me, including in my own family, where the guy NEVER took responsibility, and didn't have any problem with letting his wife work for 30+ years while he sat home on his butt. If you are willing to do that for him, because you love him, you are a better person than I am. I wouldn't let him into my house until he had held down a job for six months!
Good luck with your decision.....I wish you the best!
2007-01-20 01:26:05 · answer #1 · answered by sacanda_trina 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sarah, I think you should distance yourself from him. I sense that he is "using" you to be his "sugar mommy". It does not appear that he has any drive to improve himself and just wants to live off the hard work of others. I suggest you hold firm on your stance that he does not move in until he gets a job. If he continues to pressure you into letting him move in (without a job), you may need to end your relationship with him.
2007-01-20 01:22:45 · answer #2 · answered by Mr. Smooth 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Save yourself? Don't know about that....but dont move him in....his "job seeking" fund is going to run out and he'll need more assistance. I think if someone really wants to work they can find SOMETHING. I dont feel good about this guy. When he DOES get a job....wait for another year before you move him in, see if he'll be able to keep it.
2007-01-20 01:23:55 · answer #3 · answered by Emily 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your heart tells you to "save yourself" for him, then do BUT stick to your guns. For some reason, he sounds like he's really avoiding the responsibility of obtaining and keeping a job. I would be very much on my guard about that. You cannot help it if you love him but keep things at arm's length until he demonstrates that he is NOT gonna be a mooch.
2007-01-20 01:22:49 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The guy is a loser. Think about what is actually good for you. Not what he wants. Jobs can be found. Picking up garbage on the road is a job. someone sees you and might offer you a real paying job. Think about it.
2007-01-20 01:20:50 · answer #5 · answered by queenb 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No way, I dont like that he doesnt work and barly owns anything, would you want a man who you would have to put the food on the table for?
2007-01-20 01:20:54 · answer #6 · answered by IcanHelpyou:) 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to get behind him to motivate him to find a craeer or go back to school. I know this seems like a project but right now he feels worthless and non-useful. He needs a little bit of mothering, if you can handle the project
2007-01-20 01:20:49 · answer #7 · answered by bwassinger 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
from the sounds of this dude you could do better. Best to find a good man with a job thats not lazy and does what he says he is going to.
-NmD!
2007-01-20 01:20:20 · answer #8 · answered by NoMaD! 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hes a bum. he aint going to change. im 24 and im on my second carreer. ive known several people like him. and ive seen female friends date them try to fix them fail get fustraited and there hearts break. tried warn them but know one listened. so please listen. drop the bum. there are plenty of men out there that have good jobs and want a family. loose the bum find a real man
2007-01-20 01:25:57 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
he is 31 and not ready for a job?? c´mon.
and he should have his own place by now.
2007-01-20 01:20:45 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋