Through the pitch-black night, the captain sees a light dead ahead on a collision course with his ship. He sends a signal: “Change your course 10 degree east.”
The light signals back: “Change yours, 10 degrees west.”
Angry, the captain sends: “I’m a navy captain! Change your course, sir!”
“I’m a seaman, second class,” comes the reply. “Change your course, sir.”
Now the captain is furious. “I’m a battleship! I’m not changing course!”
There is one last reply. “I’m a lighthouse. Your call.”
2007-01-19 22:02:24 · 10 answers · asked by Alkahest 3 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Feel the Hot Burn of Shame!!!
Have you seen the hottest new Catholic porn film?
It's 10 minutes of sex and 50 minutes of
GUILT!!
2007-01-19 22:09:45 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay these jokes are short:
1)Whats long hard and hairy?
My arm.
2)What do you call an ugly gorilla with headphones in?
Anything you want he cant hear you.
3)A Guy walked into a bar and said 'ouch'.
4)Guy: Im on a diet
Guy's Friend: Which Diet
Guy: The see-food diet i see food i eat it.
4)
(Guy Smiles)
Policeman:your arrested for indecent exposure.
2007-01-20 01:06:20 · answer #2 · answered by Hannah & 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good one. Now try this joke:
A hill-billy went to a pub. There he met another hill-billy. "Hellooo!" said the first one. "Hellooo to you!" replied the other. (OK from now on the First one will be called Q while the other will be called A).
Q: From which state are ya?
A: Tennessee.
Q: Just like me! (calling the bar-man) A drink for me and another for the good old Volunteer State friend of mine!Now from which part of Tennessee are ya, brother?
A: From Harley, a village near Nashville.
Q: Just like me! A drink for me and another one for my good old village brother! So...in which street do you live in Harley?
A: Benjamin Street.
Q: Just like me! A drink for me and another one for my good old neighbor! So, what number is your house?
A: 234?
Q: What?? That's my house! You thief!
A: No! It's my house! You're the thief!
They started beating each other very hard, when a man who was in the pub asked the bar-man "What's going on?" The bar-man replied "Well, everyday that old hill-billy comes with his son to drink here till they fight and beat each other, then they go home!!!"
2007-01-19 22:28:34 · answer #3 · answered by Mehmet Azk 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hehehe>>>here's one for you:
A guy starts a new job, and the boss says, "If you marry my daughter, I'll make you a partner, give you an expense account, a Mercedes, and a million dollar annual salary."
The guy says, "What's wrong with her?"
The boss shows him a picture, and she's hideous.
The boss says, "It's only fair to tell you, she's not only ugly, she's as dumb as a wall."
The guy says, "I don't care what you offer me, it ain't worth it."
The boss says, "I'll give you a five million dollar salary and build you a mansion on Long Island."
The guy accepts, figuring he can put a bag over her head when they have sex.
About a year later, the guy buys an original Van Gogh and he's about to hang it on the wall.
He climbs a ladder and yells to his wife, "Bring me a hammer."
She mumbles, "Get the hammer. Get the hammer," and she fetches the hammer.
The guy says, "Get me some nails."
She mumbles, "Get the nails. Get the nails," and she gets him some nails.
The guys starts hammering a nail into the wall, he hits his thumb, and he yells, "F uck!"
She mumbles, "Get the bag. Get the bag."
2007-01-19 22:12:12 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
he felt a little crummy.
2007-01-19 22:05:59 · answer #5 · answered by eb 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how do you get an elephant into a fridge?? Push him
how do you get a giraffe into a fridge??? Take out the elephant
2007-01-20 00:38:31 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The Twisted Jungle
A little rabbit is happily running through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint.
The rabbit looks at her and says, "Giraffe, my friend, Think about what you're doing to yourself! Come with me running through the forest, you'll see, you'll feel so much better!" The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit.
Then they come across an elephant doing coke. So the rabbit again says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about what you're doing to yourself! Come running with us through the pretty forest, you'll see, you'll feel so good!" The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and all, then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe.
The three animals then come across a lion about to shoot up. "Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about what you're doing to yourself! Come running with us through the sunny forest, you will feel so good!" The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and starts to beat the crap out of the little rabbit.
The giraffe and elephant watch in horror, then finally obtain the presence of mind to pull the lion off the rabbit. "Lion," they reprimand, "why’d you do that? He was merely trying to help us all!"
The lion answers, "That little f#@%r has me running around the forest like an idiot for hours every time he's on ecstasy!"
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Two physicians board a flight out of Seattle. One sits in the window seat, the other in the middle seat. Just before take-off, a lawyer sits in the seat by the aisle.
The lawyer kicks off his shoes, wiggle his toes, and starts to settle in, when the physician in the window seat says, "I think I'll get a glass of coke."
"No problem," says the lawyer, "I'm by the aisle. I'll get it for you."
While he's gone, one of the physicians picks up the attorney's shoe & spits in it.
When he returns with the coke, the other physician says,
"That looks good! I think I'll have one too."
Again, the lawyer obligingly fetches the drink.
While he's gone, the other physician picks up the other shoe & spits in it.
The lawyer comes back & enjoys the flight.
However, as the plane is landing, the lawyer slips his feet into
his shoes& realizes immediately what has happened.
"How long must this go on?" he asks the physicians.
"This fighting between our professions?”
“This hatred?”
“This animosity?”
“This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes?”
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An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman are all to give speeches to the Deaf Society. All are keen to make an impression on their audience.
The Englishman goes first and to the surprise of his colleagues starts by rubbing first his chest and then his groin. When he finishes the Scotsman and Irishman ask him what he was doing.
'Well' he explained' By rubbing my chest I indicated breasts and thus Ladies and by rubbing my groin I indicated balls and thus Gentlemen. So my speech started Ladies and Gentlemen'.
On his way up to the podium the Scotsman thought to himself I'll go one better than that English fool and started his speech by making an antler symbol with his fingers above his head before also rubbing his chest and his groin. When he finished his colleagues asked what he was doing.
'Well' he explained' By imitating antlers and then rubbing my chest and groin I was starting my speech by saying Dear Ladies and Gentlemen'.
On his way up to the podium the Irishman thought to himself I'll go one further than those mainland fools and started his speech by making an antler symbol above his head, rubbing his chest, and then his groin, and then masturbating furiously. When he finished his colleagues asked him what he was doing.
'Well' he explained,' by imitating antlers, rubbing my chest and then my groin and then masturbating I was starting my speech by saying 'Dear Ladies and Gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure.......'
___________________________________________________
A guy is standing at a urinal when he notices that he is being watched by a midget. Although the little fellow is staring at him intently, the guy doesn't get uncomfortable until the midget drags a small stepladder up next to him, climbs it, and proceeds to admire his privates at close range. "Wow," comments the midget, "Those are the nicest balls I have ever seen!"
Surprised and flattered, the man thanks the midget and starts to move away.
"Listen, I know this is a rather strange request," says the little fellow, "but I wonder if you would mind if I touched them?"
Again the man is rather startled, but seeing no real harm in it, he obliges the request.
The midget reaches out, gets a tight grip on the man's balls, and says, "Okay, hand me your wallet or I'll jump off the ladder!"
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Just a few I like
http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-5BULsD4hfq1bm1404fg-;_ylt=AgW_zqujFvq45s7mAkFGbWWkAOJ3?cq=1
2007-01-19 22:42:19 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
verry funny
2007-01-19 22:09:03 · answer #8 · answered by Ani 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow
2007-01-19 22:14:08 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
so wat cud be my joke . . .
have you seen a doctor today ?
what for ? so he can get paid without even looking at you.
2007-01-20 00:45:23 · answer #10 · answered by JUSS 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋