i think i am a useless mother and the kids would be better off in care?

Question

well i am not doing a very good job, been to parenting classess, read books, got on daughter at university, but i think the others wont do very well olivia has been excluded, i am getting letters off my son school as he is late everyday and does not go in sometimes. i think they will be better off without me. i am sick o fproblems as well, i just feel i am a bad mum, and i do try, they hate me anyway, well don,t like me. i get angry alot like i did not want all those kids staying, last night.

Answer 1

Your not a bad mum at all, you just need a little bit of support and help which is nothing to be ashamed of. First I would suggest that you call and make an app to see your gp as there could be some underlying depression there so your doctor can help you with that. Secondly think of the positves, for a start one of your daughters is at university which is a great achievement and one that you helped her achieve. Tell your children that If they ant to be treated like adults then they need to act like one and sit and discuss with them how your feeling and what their behaviour such as missing school etc is doing to you and them. With regards to your son missing school you should maybe contact the school and explain to them how your feeling and see if together you can help deal with your sons behaviour. Schools have access to careers advisiors and guidance staff who could hopefully give your son the right advice and support for him to attend school and plan his future. As for your daughter although it will hard and disappointing that she has been excluded try and sit down and talk to her and find out the reasons why she did whatever she did in order to have been excluded and then again I would suggest contacting the school to see about support and the possibility of course work being sent home to your daughter to ensure that she doesnt fall behind with her education. Your gp may also be able to help if there are maybe problems emotionally with any of your children. Sometimes children act up so to speak because they want attention so try and make sure that you spend time on a one to one basis with each child, it doesnt need to be for longjust as much as you can manage. I would say the best way is to be firm but fair and if they are living in your house than they have to respect that and follow your rules but If you try and comprimise with them on things such as time out with their friends ot bedtimes etc then they will included. I really hope that some of this advice helps you and I wish you and your family luck.

Answer 2

Dont give up!kids can be so hard and in some circumstances where money is tight and life seems to be a revolving door of problems it easy to just say"i give up"
The only person who can make the change within your home is you!If you dont you will look back in years ahead and feel so guilty that you didnt.The best place for you to go is to your doctors perhaps your suffering from a mild depression and that can make your mind work in a very strange way.They will suggest the right road to go down.Perhaps you need somebody to talk to,do you have a supporting partner?if not your doctor could refer you to a self help group to build up your confidence.You cant be that bad of a mum as you have actually expressed how you feel on here so it is obviously bothering you enough to seek some form of help.
Your kids dont hate you,maybee if you tried walking out of the room when you start to feel angry rather than them seeing you get angry,try counting in your head and walking away each time you do.It is possible to turn your life around,do not hink it isnt!
Its support you need,dont be affraid to ask for it,theres so many people out there who can help you.Just think its a new year and perhaps time for a new possitive outlook on things.Remember!you are not a bad mum,you just need help,go get it!Good luck!

Answer 3

Your just going through a bad time at the moment and it seems like its going to last forever. Try and take the kids to school yourself to make sure they go in. And maybe they are mixing with the wrong crowd. You haven't mentioned a husband so I presume you are on your own. Try and be patient (I know its easier said than done). Can you get someone in (professional) to help you. Speak to the person that does the parenting class I'm sure they can find you someone. I wish you all the luck. And no way are you useless. I think you need a medal.

Answer 4

Hey hunni, dont be so down on yourself. All pearents have trouble wit their kids at somepoint. Believe me, as a child who was put into foster care, i can honestly say that the best place for your kids is with you. As long as you dont abuse them, then having them taken away is not the answer. Have you thought about going to family councelling, and also having therapy for yourself? You have not mentioned how old your kids are, or if you have a support system, but married or single and no matter how old your kids are, you can get help. The first thing you need to do is to go and see your doctor, he can help you. Sounds like you may be depressed. Dont be embarassed about this, the best thing you can do is to ask for help. Good Luck.x

Answer 5

NO!
It sounds like you are very depressed go have a talk with your doctor.There could be a lot of factors to you feeling like this not just your children, anything from the menopause and depression to you needing more help in the house with the children
What ages are your kids sounds like they need to talk to someone also, remember the social services department are not there to judge but to help in genuine cases like yours, they will not take the children out of the home but will help you all to work together, parenting classes do not work for 99% of the people who attend mainly because its not the parent that is the problem

Answer 6

you're obviously not a bad mother. you've got a daughter in uni! do you abuse them? do you take drugs or are an alcoholic? do oyu not provide for them? You're kids would not be better off without you. you are providing them with an education, and shelter and food. you're having a tough time at the moment, maybe you need to talk to someone. Have you talked to your son about why he's late or doesn't go to school? I'm sure your kids love you, even if you think they don't like you. and whether they admit it or not, they more than likely need their mum more than anything. I hope you feel better. You need to talk to someone and get this sorted out.

Answer 7

You are not a useless mother you have just lost control of your kids. they need to be reminded who is boss and learn to show you some respect. You don't say if you are on your own raising them or not? I doubt very much that they hate you- they may have lost respect for you as you are not disciplining them. I know it's really hard but you must get some help. It sounds like they are running rings round you. If you had them put into care you would bitterly regret it and they would then have cause to hate you! You need to get on top of the situation with your son not going to school as they have sent mums to prison for that-which I don't agree with as ultimately how ever hard you try if the child refuses to go even if you physically take them into school they can just run out again the minute your back is turned. You say one daughter has been excluded? She must have done something bad in school or is it just her appearance? Hair colour or body piercings for example. Either way you need help especially if you are on your own. It's not admitting failure to ask for help. Social services can help in various ways. Have the kids gone through some sort of trauma to have turned into monsters for you? They may need counselling etc. Sorry I can't be of more help but i really feel you need to ask for professional help to get your family back on track. Good luck.

Answer 8

You are just thinking too much!! Dont give yourself such pressure. Anyway, there is no guideline on how to be a good mother, or there is no grades for being a good or lousy mother. You know you have tried your best (you should know it yourself). Maybe sometimes others dont see things the way you see things. I would suggest you handle one thing at a time and talk to your children when issues happen immediately. Dont leave problems alone (unresolved) and hoping that one day you can use it as a 'weapon' to discipline them...

Answer 9

Hi, being mum is one of the hardest jobs there is. Kids have minds of their own, and they are our teachers as well as our pupils. Our children, our hearts but also a test of patience that can so often be a testing challenge. It is difficult to create a balance some times when got more than one child, and the more we have the more the younger ones want what the older ones have. They are influenced by the older ones, and everything that surrounds them.
As a mother myself i have learned that my children are my best friends but they can also push me because of that unconditional love I have for them-they can be naughty, I have had troubles with one of my daughters too. Partially my own doing because she was a spoilt brat. So used to having a yes, getting her own way even if that meant being nasty to get it-I like the peaceful atmosphere, and I like to make her happy but she was taking me for granted. I may be her mother but it gets to the stage we can feel the victim rather than the mother. It was time for me to get agrips of things and I am currently working on this now.
Sometimes it is the change that works, with me for her to change I have had, am having to change, not to allow myself to be walked all over and to show her disipline. She is 14 yet I more often than not felt like the child because she was dominating.
Something else to consider. Do you do anything for YOU? A hobby, something to motivate you, lift your spirits. Something you need for your spirit.
We are mums, but we are a person too, a separate from the mum and maybe a short time doing your own thing may help to keep strong when at home. We all need a break, do you get that?

Don't give up, please don't give up on a family that so needs you. I bet with a few changes, and a little self pampering all will be well.

Time together is precious too, valuable gem that binds your hearts forever, but don't forget the one who holds them together-YOU.
Love an' Peace and love an' hugz-for strength. xxx

Answer 10

Do you have anyone you can talk to, or a friend that could look after your children, while you take some time out for yourself.

Don't give up on your children, you brought them into this world and it's down to you to nurture them, but if you need help don't be afraid to ask for it.
You got this far, you can do it!

Sit down and talk with your smaller children or get the older sister to talk to them.

You must remember you are never alone, there is always someone to talk with, about these situations.

Good Luck