Wasting time?? or being smart? you answer.?

Question

Okay..you all did a great job answering my last question so I'll have it another go..Thank you by the way! Question..
My guy and I have been together (and living together) for going on two years now..I moved across the country with him! He says (and always has said) that he never wants marriage or children in his future..with me or anyone else..he likes things the way that they are..period..and hates when I bring up the future or use the word "forever" hates it...I'm cool with that right now bc I don't want that right now anyway..But I do at some point..So my question is..Should I stay with him since thats not of importance to me at this time in my life..or leave him bc ultimately we want different things and I'll probably end up getting very hurt? Im settled out here now anyway so being on my own wouldn't be a problem..I just don't know whether I'm wasting my time..or being smart..

Answer 1

I think you've just answered your own question: He's told you in no uncertain terms what he wants and doesn't want. All you need to do is BELIEVE HIM.

It's good for you that you're independent bc it will make the transition/moving on from him so much easier.

If you feel you're wasting your time now, how will you feel down the road when your biological clock is ticking away and he tells you for the umpteenth time: No, no, no, no...and your feelings, your life needs, your bio clock screaming louder and louder...Yes, Yes, Yes...?

How will you feel with all that time, in a sense, down the drain, with him not changing at all and then you have to get over the loss of your long-term relationship AND start anew in finding someone who will, and can, say to you: Yes, Yes, Yes, I want that too. Let's do this!

I hate the thought of you waking up one morning years down the road and realizing, finally, that he hasn't changed and won't. And, even more importantly, you can't change HIM and shouldn't try.

It'll hurt now, but down the road you'll really be crying a sorrowful tune if you stay. Staying, with all the info. that you have from him, up front no less, is not smart...

You've thought about this question and your own personal development and what you want for your life and that there's a fundamental mis-match here.

It's not anybody's fault, but be proactive and work toward your goals and interests. Leave and play the field a little bit, see what and/or who else is out there.

Or, leave and go on a mission specifically to find that someone who shares your life dreams and goals (vs. playing the field and wondering if you'll find someone with whom you click and are truly in sync with). That then is the man who will be right, and meant, for you.

Sitting in a holding pattern in a relationship bc that's what you're used to, bc it's familiar and comfortable, is not smart.

Staying in a relationship holding pattern that you "put up with" or will tolerate, before you finally move on is not smart.

Waiting until the 11th hour when he gives you his last "No" before you finally move on would not be smart.

There's a saying: When someone tells you who they are, BELIEVE THEM.

Now, not only have you told us who YOU are and who HE is, he himself has told you who he is. So, essentially, you've answered your own question. And, quite clearly, you're not dumb.

You know what you need to do. Get busy.

Answer 2

This one is totally up to you.

But I can say what I would do IF IT WERE ME. I of course think differently than you, and I know my self better (obviously, lol). So what is right for me is not necessarily right for you...However, having said that, I would break it off with him now. Because I know I would get my heartbroken in the end. I would just have to be tough and know that I am doing the right thing for my future self. Plus maybe if he was able to see now what life is like with out me for a while, he will have time to grow up a little and...ya never know...we could end up together in the end after all. (I'm Forever the Optimist!)

Answer 3

Ok so you're with this guy who doesn't want "forever" but you DO want "forever" So are you waiting around wasting your life hoping he is going to change his mind and take pity on you? You're deffinately not being smart because whle you're wasting your life Mr. Forever could be out there single but some other girl looking for Forever is going to grab on to. Ever hear of the saying "You snooze, you loose"? What that means is if you're not paying attention to what is going on around you you're going to miss out on the things that you want because they are going to go right past you. So, after this guy has used you up (btw he is just using you), and you have little or nothing to offer Mr. Forever are you going to be content with being all alone, because that is just where you will be...used, and alone.

Answer 4

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Answer 5

i think if u love him u should stay friends but reallee...maybe if u want this to be long term and u want kids and stuff...it depends...i mean will u be happy without all that? then again, how are u being smart? if u think its a waste of time, then leave him...it hurts but it will hurt more the longer u wait...just ask him if he wants u to be happy...then maybe he will change his mind...i mean once ur kids grow up, i'm sure he'll be happy with grandkids when he is super old...i know it seems heller far away..u kno...but life drags and u reap the benefits later...

Answer 6

well what you have right now and what you want in the future are 2 diff things.. and if he dosnt want what you want in the future then my suggestion is to get ready to go out on your own and find that right person who wants the same things in life that you want.. life is too short to spend it with someone who dosnt want the sames things as yourself.. dont rush into anything with someone new tho, take your time, date, and see whats out there..
Good Luck!

Answer 7

He may change his mind on down the line, so its up to you. Personally I will not even date a woman who doesn't see marriage and kids in her future. I know what I want in the future and will not settle just for a momentary bit of happiness in the present.
-NmD!

Answer 8

It sounds like he knows what he does and doesn't want and your right you want different lives at the end of the day and I know that you know this.

He probably thinks you will change your mind too and not want babies. Go and meet some one who wants what you want out of life I don't think your b/f will change his mind

Answer 9

You are wasting time and getting more attached to him when you know that eventually you will have to part. Good luck.

Answer 10

"above all things guard your heart" - `shrugs`.. do whatever is best.
we cant know from the limited knowledge what the situation truely is.. you seem to have an inkling - so go with what you know - dork.