possibility of reconcilation after domestic abuse ?

Question

one of my friends who got beaten badly by her husband while pregnant and thrown out of the house by him and his parents for a long time has now agreed to go back to him as she does not want her marriage to break at any cost. her husband had ignored her all throughout. she is now a mother to his child.

but her husband has still not come to see the baby and is now blackmailing her with a divorce and telling her he is going to sue her over some abusive smses she sent as a reaction to all he did. all the physical abuse which she couldnot bear while she was just 4 months into carrying. since she is bent on not breaking the marriage and is wanting to reconcile at anycost the husbands family is now plotting to term her mad by asking her to take a medical test to prove her sanity. is this justified ? both the girl and the guy are highly educated and the guy is working at leading mnc as a consultant in bangalore.

Answer 1

No, they definetly should not reconcile. Why would she want to get back with him? He doesn't care about her or their child..

Answer 2

I'm a straight woman and I just ran into your question by chance (because I was researching domestic violence on Y!A). However, I was drawn to your question because I know that same sex relationships are considered taboo in society as it is, much less a domestic violence case involving two people of the same biological sex. I can honestly say, I've never been in a abusive relationship but I have witnessed an ongoing domestic dispute involving my uncle and his girlfriend and it is not pretty, and SHE was the one doing the hitting. Women can be just as much if not more abusive than men, in my opinion and how anyone much less state officials can disregard any type of violence is beyond me. In my state (Kentucky), same sex unions is still not legal and right now I think a law is still pending on whether or not that they should allow same sex marriage in my state because it has been appealed so many times by same sex residents here. Although same sex marriage is not recognized by my state, I'm am almost certain that same sex domestic violence would not be tolerated because I've seen first hand on how strict the laws are here on physical and verbal aggression. It doesn't matter if it is between a couple or not, I know that any type of abuse is not permitted according to the laws here. The marriage thing--well that's a different story. The only reason that I can come up with for them doing this is because of gender roles in society. Usually with a straight couple, it is much easier to convict someone because of the opposite sexes. Back in time, men were the upper hand of their women and that gave them the excuse to treat their woman however they wanted to without being prosecuted. Today, laws have changed now that women have gained more rights and the man is usually the one arrested and taken in for questioning regardless of who is doing the abuse. Vice versa if they can prove the woman is doing the abuse but the man is usually the one who has the finger pointed at him. That being said, if it's between two women like your article then it's a lot harder to deal with because there isn't a man involved. It's two women, so it's like how will this play out? If it's two men, then there's a stigma as well because it's two men, not a woman with a man. I'm not excusing their ways on how they deal with this but this is my point of view on how they look at it. All I can say for myself and others is that I hope society gets to a point where everything and everyone is accounted for without being worried about discrimination by the law.

Answer 3

She does not need to be in a relationship with him what so ever.. hes abusive to her, what makes anyone think he wont be abusive to the kid(s). He and his family are the ones that need to take the medical tests to prove THEIR sanity (but if she goes back to him after being beaten and abused she just might need to get help with her sanity). She is in danger, does she not realize that? Once a man beats a woman he will do it again and again, and its sad bc most men who do this kind of thing get just a slap on the wrist and a few days in jail, and some fines.. men like him need to be locked up with "BUBBA" and shown just what he put his wife thru.. and never let out. If a man ever did that to me, trust me he wouldnt know what hit him and he def would wake up in the hosp after the dr's had to do some reconstructive surgery to replace what i would rip off of him..
What I dont understand is WHY does she want to go back to him??
Most women who dont want to leave a abusive partner is because they are afraid to.. mabe she is scared to leave him and just isnt telling anyone the whole truth of why she wont leave him.
I was in a abusive relationship with someone that I loved with all my heart.. there were days that I wish he would go away and never come back, and the day he went into the hospital and 8 days later passed away, i hated myself for so long for saying those things..
But back to my answer.. tell your friend that she needs help, she dosnt need him in her life. She can do much better. Right now she needs everyones support.. she needs friends and family around her..
I have a question tho.. has this guy ever been arrested for what he did and did he serve time in jail for it??
sorry for the long answer but it just burns me up to see a man abuse a woman..
Good Luck and I hope your friend realizes that she dosnt need to be in that relationship with him..

Answer 4

Of course she should not go back with this man --he has not changed and she could be in danger.

There is not "medical test" to prove or disprove sanity. There are psychological tests that can be given, but she should have them done by someone neutral --not someone paid by her in-laws.

It is very difficult to win in a situation like this where one person has money and prestige and the other does not.

Are there any social service agencies that could help in this case?

Answer 5

with out getting the right help This Phrase is so true "once a beater always a beater" granted people change but if they dont seek help more then likely he doesnt want to change tell her get out before shes the next body found , and btw move far because Protection from abuse order dont do jack and more then most times put the woman in more danger There is a domestic violence center everywhere even if she chooses to stay she should contact these people for help mentally n just so someone not related knows what happens

Answer 6

My advice to her would be to get out of there fast.
I am strongly in favor of marriage being for life, but in this case it doesn't look like anything is changing.
If she is in danger, she should leave him, and soon.
She may think that she can't be on her own with a baby, and she may be scared, but the chances of an abuser changing his ways are very slim, and the next time he could kill her or the baby.
She should not even consider going back to him unless she is absolutely convinced with no doubt whatsoever that he has changed and will never do it again.
She needs to be thinking about her health, and that of her child.

Answer 7

NEVER no not ever should you get back with a partner that beat you. no matter how many children are involved...ive been there... and trust me she will eiether end up permanently damaged or (i hate to say it) dead. but thats the reality i dont believe that an abusive person will ever change.
she needs to be strong and stand up to him.let him know that he will never lay a hand on her again or there will be consequences.ie police will be involved.
until he learns she is not a punching bag there will never be any love for her or her child...
i know she wants her marriage to stay together but at what cost...
she needs to put her childs wellbeing first. what if he puts her in hospital who is there to watch out for the baby...or worse what if he gets abusive with the baby...

Answer 8

Some families are like this-It's a hush hush situation. You only hear of it in the news when it happens to poor families. This is a disgrace. If she is really a highly educated person, she needs to use he education and contact her highly motivated attorney.

Answer 9

She is mad and needs her head checked he has already started the abuse againand he hasnt even seen her or the baby. He will only beat on her again. Thats insane!

Answer 10

hahaha is he nuts...or is he just bragging.... he can ask for a phycological evaluation on her, but as long as she remains cool in court , it just won't happen... she actually has to hurt her child or someone for it to maybe happen... she has to admit being depressed for it to happen.. as long as she does not admit it, it aint going to happen, and there is nothing wrong for her to admit fear in court... after a beating ....it is normal for her to admit fear from him... she can send all the messages on smses, just what did they say... did they say she loved him... there is nothing wrong with that , thats her husband, it is him who has a big problem a very big problem if the court goes through and procecutes him for that assault... she can get a lawyer to ask for him to be evaluated as he has been found guilty of hurting someone thus he can hurt the child.... thats great he works there, let him make that money, to pay for his childs upbringing... they can ask the court.. all she has to say. is no, your honor, i will not agree to that, i have never hurt anyone, nor have i hurt our child... and the judge will deny that petition.. but tell her to get a job, though....she can cross petition and ask for him to prove his sanity.. but be sure she does not say, i will prove my sanity if he proves his, cause then the judge will think there is something wrong with her , since everyone is considered sane and there is no need to prove your sanity , it is up to them to prove your insanity... by a prosponderounce of the evidence and for him having hurt someone physically and being convicted are pretty good grounds there is something wrong with his head...he is a real controlling person if he is using intimidation to have her return to him... any good attorney will rip them to pieces..

Answer 11

If she wants to get back with him she is insane!
She needs to file for divorce and child support.
"If you want to talk with someone for support or about how to get help, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline: [phone]. You can email the National Domestic Violence Hotline for help: [e-mail]. "