15-year-old bro and 13-year-old sis?

Question

I have two daughters(Nadyne - 13 and Kaylynn - 5) and two sons(Jaydon - 15 and Ivaylo - 6).Jay and Nadi share one room and Kay and Ivo share the child's room.Jay and Nadi have two beds in their room but yesterday when I went to call them for breakfast,they were still asleep,bothin Jaydon's bed(and Nadi was with a t-shirt and without her panties.A row began.I yelled at them,they tried to justify themselves.I don't know if they have had sex.What should I do and how to punish them.I can't make them be in different rooms(I won't explain why,but just isn't possible now).What should I do to punish them and how to prevent anything like that in the future?

Answer 1

Put the 2 girls together and the 2 boys together don't worry about their age differences its a healthier choice.

Answer 2

For God's sake no child of the same sex should ever share a room EVER. Teenagers go through puberty and with this comes overflow of hormones. I don't have a problem with brothers or sisters sharing a room with another member of the same sex. And I have heard of parents letting toddlers share a room with same age children without regard to their sex but this is not normally acceptable to society because of what this could lead to in long term effect. What are you thinking to allow your 13 year old daughter and 15 year old son to share the same room regardless on how many beds are in the room. While you need to talk to them about the dangers of what they maybe doing the real one who needs to be examined is you. If money is an issue you need to seek housing assistance to make sure that you have enough rooms for all your children to have their own room or have rooms where your sons can share a room and your daughters can share a room and if you have two sons and two daughters I have to ask why wasn't this done then. If you had two bedrooms for the kids and one for you then there would be no reason or excuse this should have happened and someone wasn't thinking clearly. We as a society have enough problems with teen pregnancy without dealing with one led on by a wreckless parent.

Answer 3

I can see how this could have come to pass, but you cannot change the past, only learn from it, so punishment (of yourself or your kids) will NOT have the desired effect.

The first thing, and the most important thing, you MUST do is sit down with each of your teenage kids and tell them very clearly that they will not be punished regardless of what they say, what they have done together or with others, or anything like that. First sit down with them each individually, then together, and write everything down throughout this whole process. you MUST get some hard facts before ANY reaction!!! VERY IMPORTANT!!

Next, ask them what they want. If you try and enforce something they don't want, they may defy you or atleast hate you for a while. Worst case scenario is they will run away or do a Romeo & Juliet on you. TALK TO YOUR KIDS!! direct questions are best, so be prepared to have them say everything they can to avoid giving you the answers you want, and take into account the possibility they will still lie out of embarressment rather than fear of punishment (that you recinded your right to do). Write out a few questions before the talk. WHAT DO YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW????

LASTLY, act. Make a well informed, rational decision on what you want to achieve, and how to get to that point with the least resistence from all concerned.

Also, be prepared to adapt or change the plan if the socio-emotional enviroment changes while trying to implement the plan. Establish back up plans, ideas, etc, but keep these to yourself. Remember, you want cooperation first and foremost from them, but you may be forced to compromise with them. DO NOT set down the law. You may think now that you are supreme authority, and they need you, can't live without you, etc, but there are far more motivating forces in the world than a fear of death, and young minds can react irrationally when cornered by overbearing law enforcement.

As a few other answerers have mentioned, keep a close eye on your kids. I'm sure you did before all this, but now you have one more reason. DO NOT put hidden cameras or recording devices in their room, because if they found it ... and start looking for ways to separate them into individual rooms, FAST. Do not put them into rooms with the little kids, but rather increase the speed that you search for a 4 or 5 bedroom home, and in the mean time you could have 1 of them sleep in a common room, in the garage, the shed, a tent in the backyard, a caravan, a friends house, a family member's house, anywhere that you can be pretty sure will be safe, just temporarily. This part applies regardless of how the long conversation goes with your kids that I mentioned before (the most important bit).

In conclusion, communication is really the only thing you must improve on. your moral values, your accommodation arrangements for your family, your parenting abilities, all of that and more will improve by default if you learn to ACTIVELY LISTEN, SEE FROM ANOTHER'S PERSPECTIVE, STAY CALM AND IN CONTROL OF YOURSELF WHEN STRESSED, SPEAK CLEARLY AND MAKE YOURSELF UNDERSTOOD.

Answer 4

They are WAY to old to be sharing a room! That just isn't something that you do, you need to put the girls in one room, and the boys in another, if it isn't possible, you need to make it possible and quick! my parents gave me and my brother seperate rooms when he was 12, and even though i was only about 5 at the time, they felt as if he needed his own room, and now that i myself am 15, i can see why. That is just the absolutely wrong thing to do. It's your fault, i'm sorry to say, but it is. Fuss at them is all i can tell you, there aren't many ways to punish children for incest.

Answer 5

When I was 13 and my cousin, female, was 12 we fooled around out of mere curiosity. This continued until I was 14 and she was 13 and we both stopped - primarily because our curiosity had been settled and we had begun dating (with other people that is).

Of course, sex is a different issue all together and if you suspect your children of having sexual intercourse, as opposed to mere "fooling around" for curiosity, you should consider sitting down with them and talking to them about it. I wouldn't recommend punishing them as it could cause more harm than good.

You definitely should put them in different rooms - regardless of whether or not they are having intercourse. A teenage boy and teenage girl shouldn't share the same room because it causes definite privacy issues. You should place the two boys in one room and the two girls in the other.

Answer 6

YOU should punish YOURSELF. There is NO reason a 15 year old boy and a 13 year old girl should be sharing a bedroom. I suggest you make other sleeping arrangements for your children or YOU could be put into jail for child endangerment and contributing to the deliquincy of minors as well as abuse.

Answer 7

why do I have some doubt in my mind this is real? Why would the teenagers even be in the same room. People naturally put the boys together and the girls together. If this is real you asked for it. Teenagers with raging hormones. Go read Flowers in the attic A good read for you

Answer 8

The first thing you shouldn't do is jump to conclusions... Your children need time and space... Even though they were found in bed in an awkward situation you should be wise to their emotions and their situations they may be facing.. As far as punishment should go is rooms should be split with two boys and two girls....

Answer 9

Girls should be with girls and boys with boys.I agree with all the answers I have readGirls are not meant to sleep with under wearon unhealthy practice,.Do not assume the worse about the kids.If they cant be in particular rooms then get a bigger house.They are teenagers and need space.

Answer 10

honey, you seem to have issues with the trust of your children. did you bother to hear them out in between your yelling and carry on? Maybe something that you don't know about happened to one of them may have been upset about something and the other was comforting them and they fell asleep.

I agree with the other respondents, in that they shouldn't be sharing a room anyway, put your girls together and your boys together and get your sh*t together....