11 months ago I got high and drunk just like tonight. I stayed at my best friends house that night because of the snow storm . He couldn't make it home either so he stayed at his brothers house.His wife and I got all messed up and had sex. She had a baby 9 months later.She and I are the only ones who know this and we are writting this question together.We had a DNA test and Paul is mine and I want my child . She wants me to move on and I want to stay. She loves her husband and is so sorry but I love my child . She wants me to be like uncle Bill or something but I want to be Daddy.I also don't wan't to loose the best friend I ever had who is her husband. We have been friends for 30 years since we were 4 yrs old.We need some serious help here . Should we tell he husband should I be uncle Bill or should I be daddyas I want to be.
2007-01-19 18:28:28 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Whatever decision you make, the sooner you make it, the better.
The child is the most important person in this situation. If the mother wants to stay with her husband, then you should stay out of it. Even though the child is biologically yours, her husband is the dad. That may be hurtful, but you must put the baby before yourself. If you decide to not tell, then you should never ever tell because if the child finds out later, it could be very harmful to him emotionally. And don't be telling other people. Sometimes even trusted friends can have big mouths.
2007-01-19 18:42:08 · answer #1 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What I want to know is, will you tell the son? At such a young age, he needs a stable family situation, and parents that love him. Clearly, the 'dad' he has now loves him, and telling just your friend will make the father/son dynamic change also. Basically, I think if you tell your friend, the son must be told, or there will be a big change needing to occur for you to be satisfied.
Now, if you don't tell the husband, you can pass by as 'adopting' this son as your own, and he may never question how close you are to the son due to your obvious links since childhood. You can be a parent to this child without needing to air out this secret.
If guilt, or burden of the secret is a factor here, then the situation changes again. You may have to consider risking your friendship now, rather than ruin this man's life later down the track if you can't forever hold this secret. Honestly, when he finds out he will be devastated, but he should find out sooner rather than later. If you can't keep this secret to the grave, then tell him ASAP.
It's a terrible situation to be in I know, and I feel for you, but if it were me, I doubt that this will forever stay a secret, and I would sit down, tell him everything, and then give him plently of space. The best you can hope for is that he forgives you eventually, accepts the son (after all, he has raised the son, not you), and allows you to be involved in the upbringing. I just don't think you should take this child away from a stable situation, and please consider everyone's welfare, and all possible effects of revealing the truth before making any decisions, and tell the wife that you are informing her husband before you tell him, maybe so she can be present.
Best wishes, and my thoughts are with you.
2007-01-20 02:44:23 · answer #2 · answered by phantyan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a hard one. You have every right to have your child in your life and be his dad, but your best friend has every right to know that this little bundle of joy is not his. The two of them can work it out, but you lost your best friend when you slept with his wife, no drinking and getting high is not an accuse. You both should be ashamed of yourselves for letting this get so far out of hand. If your friend decides that he is going to stay with his wife and raise this baby together you should step out of the way and not be anything to this child until the child is old enough to know and understand that you are in fact his dad. You won't be able to handle it being called "uncle" anything. It's not fair to anyone involved especially the 2 that are innocent. I will pray for all of you and that you make the best choice for the baby! Good Luck!
2007-01-20 02:46:12 · answer #3 · answered by lil' miss 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This child deserves to know who his real dad is.And you AND her need to tell the husband that yall had sex and that the child is yours.You shouldnt be Uncle Bill because you'll feel really bad when your at the kids birthday party and the kid gets a gift from the moms husband or boyfriend,and the kid says "Thanks Dad!"When you know that YOUR the dad.You'll always feel emptyness in your heart hearing YOUR kid call another man "Dad".ALWAYS!Oh,and if you dont want to lose your friendship,you need to drop ALL contact with this girl.And her being there with you typing this isnt making you look too good right now.Especially when yall tell her b/f and his mind starts wondering "What else did they do when they were alone all those other times?"You need to stay away from this girl AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE.I know sometimes its going to be not possible,but you need to ignore her when it is possible.And if I was you,and I worked out the friendship to where we were still friends,I wouldnt expect to be back to their house.The trust will probably be gone for a while.
2007-01-20 02:42:59 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should know that your friendship with her husband is pretty much kaput! It's only a matter of time before the truth comes out.
With that in mind, no sense in playing games if you want the child as your own. Go for legal custody...show that you can support the child and willing to help pay child support as needed. At least this way you're setting the scene up now. If you play games, it'll make it messier down the road for everyone (and mess up the kid's head as well).
2007-01-20 02:35:17 · answer #5 · answered by wise_ole_sage 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are only fooling yourself if you think you can save your friendship with your best friend, your best friends wife and your role as a father. We all know that the right choices to make in life are the hard choices. The moral thing to do is to tell your best friend the truth about everything because the guy has done nothing wrong and he deserves the truth. Who knows why things happen the way they do, perhaps it was meant to happen this way but eventually your best friend will find out...better it come from you.
2007-01-20 02:39:58 · answer #6 · answered by male_with_heartbeat 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow u guys are in a big mess but like you said this guy has been your best friend for over thirty years just think what this will do to him. don't make this all about yourself and what you want. his wife wants to stay with him and if you guys tell him about that child not being his, it is going to break up the family and that child will be raised in a very screwed up situation. in the future the child might end up hating all three of you. also think how this woman's life will also be ruined because of one reckless night and your stubbornness. It is not about what u want it is about what is best for the child.
2007-01-20 02:44:17 · answer #7 · answered by Sophie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To me it seems like you should rip off the bandaid now. You will never avoid the issue, its going to come up sometime. Better you had control over the issue instead of it comming up at some worse random time. There will never be a good time.
Plus there is no such thing as a traditional family. I grew up with my parents seperated all my life, but they have remained freinds so I always saw both. I appreciate that they could stand eachother enough to be with me.
2007-01-20 02:35:42 · answer #8 · answered by highyellow 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you need to talk to your friend and your baby's mother together come clean about everything take responsibility for what you've done and try to make things right. Be calm and tell them your feeling and how you want to be apart of your son's life. Apologize to your friend tell him you never wanted to hurt him or his wife it was a mistake that you are trying to resolve the best way you know how and that you will do everything in your power to make things better.
2007-01-20 02:39:05 · answer #9 · answered by pinkeypeekaboo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well look at it this way you can make alot more babies boys and girls but your son cant have but one real dad you feel me? i would have to loose the friendship my child means more to me than 30 yrs. i know it night hurt but the damage is done and how would you feel if you were in his shoes supporting a kid thats not yours? you did the blood test for a reason now stop blaming the drugs and do whats right tell the best friend and raise your son gl
2007-01-20 02:34:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋