see, my bf and i have been together for over 3 years now, and he's is talking about having a baby and he wants to plan on it, but whenever i talk about getting married first , he doesnt wanna do it, he wants to wait for that he says that marriage is a big step,but as far as i know, having a baby is much more important , i just would like to do it step by step, you know first step 1 then 2, i dont wanna jump right on the step 3 . anyways the kind of thinking he has, worries me and scares me, if he doesnt wanna comit to being married, how is he going to comit to being a parent? i mean, his parents were together for 5 years and they had him unexpectedly ,things didnt work out and they got separated when he was 2 years old... does that have anything to do with his way of thinking?
2007-01-19 18:16:24 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Do the smart thing and wait...If he cant commit to you, whats to say later down the road your not going to leave and find someone who will...Tell him if your good enough to have his baby, your good enough to be his wife...
2007-01-19 18:28:14 · answer #1 · answered by ABBYsMom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not the "2" or "3" years that matters, it's whether or not you BOTH are ready. It sounds like your boyfriend is not, but you both agree that you'll probably be engaged by next year? You say you're ready to make the commitment now; why not make it official sooner? But my question is, if you've gone so long already, what difference is a year more going to make? When your boyfriend is ready, he will propose. If he doesn't and keeps putting it off, he is too indecisive and you shouldn't marry him anyway because that personality trait would be nearly impossible to put up with for a lifetime commitment. Why put in jeopardy something that you think is going so well just to get hitched a few months sooner? I say wait it out, but discuss it with your boyfriend and let him now that you would really like him to understand that you want to be engaged by next year. DO NOT make it seem like a deadline to him, but be forthright and open with him and let him know exactly what you just said here. If he's worth it, it will all make sense to him. Maybe he just doesn't feel ready to be a husband just yet! You mentioned your younger age...perhaps he needs you to be there for him to let him know that YOU think he is ready.
2016-05-23 23:55:42 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
who knows whats going on in his head. You, on the other hand seem to be very intelligent and do understand the steps to take in order. Not everyone does get married first, then have baby, and so on, but having a baby is a full time job and even though its probably the best thing that you'll ever accomplish, babies need parents , and to have both of them as a loving family makes it a whole lot easier to grow up in this world. Maybe he wants a baby but you ultimately carry the challenge for nine months and you need a strong dependable man. If he has fears of getting married, well he has to deal with that himself. He can't let what happened to his parents be the ultimate reason to shy away from a commitment
2007-01-19 18:31:13 · answer #3 · answered by alymarie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ive been across some guys who are just afraid to commit. I have also been across some guys who only wants to use a girl for the sole purpose of having a child (they could care less about the girl). I doubt it has anything to do with his parents spliting. he was way too young when it happened to even be affected by something like that. All i can say is its time to sit down, with no distractions, and have a serious talk with him before making the decision to have a child.
2007-01-19 18:50:23 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
His parents may have something to do with it which means u need to talk to him about it and explain that if hes worried bout u guys splitting up when u have a kid u should get married then wait a bit to c if its gonna work then plan a child. a child is a life long committment, its not like marriage where u can divorce...once u have a child its there for life!
2007-01-19 18:21:29 · answer #5 · answered by Onie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just say no a child needs 2 parents married
2007-01-19 18:25:35 · answer #6 · answered by colbydog43 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Commitment phobic. Will avoid it for as long as he can. Don't be stupid - if he really wants a baby he needs first to be a man, and that means providing for the mother and baby.
You sure don't need a little one in tow and bf decides to chase after some other floozy, leaving you in the dust.
Given your situation, it's irresponsible on both adults part to bring a child into your situation.
2007-01-19 18:25:22 · answer #7 · answered by wise_ole_sage 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Considering his own family history, he may want to know what having a baby is like before he makes his decison in marriage. But that leaves him at an advantage or disadvantage depending on who gets custody (of the baby.)
2007-01-19 18:26:00 · answer #8 · answered by peels sleep 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is a insecure person,so he does not like the idea of getting married. Please do not give in as you may land in serious trouble
2007-01-19 18:22:20 · answer #9 · answered by ANU U 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you tell him if you have his baby, you want the rest to, like being his wife.
2007-01-19 18:38:10 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋