My wife a Surrogate mom?

Question

my wife was as asked to be a surrogate mother for a friends of ours. 1st we havent had a child together yet i kinda want the 1st kids to mine not someone elses. 2nd their afro-american shouldn't they be looking for a black surrogate mother not my white wife? am i beening selfish for not wanting my wife to do this before we have our own.. god forbid something happens and she cant have my child... i dont know what to do?

Answer 1

You are right to have concerns, however, if you "both" agree, and it should be a joint decision, then your wife is offering someone the most precious gift there is. IF it is her (the friends) egg, and her husbands sperm, then I don't believe it matters your race. If that is the case, your wife is just "the oven" FOR LACK OF A BETTER TERM! Again, if this is a choice you make together, what a wonderful, loving, giving, kind act. I cannot have children myself, and am now adopting, however, if I had the choice of surrogacy, I certainly would go that route myself. Good luck, and I hope that you both can make a decision either way that you are comfortable with.

Answer 2

I'm not sure about whether or not you can mix races when being a surrogate. (i don't see why not, but I have no experience with that). But as to your question about if you are being selfish, I say definately not. Being a surrogate is something that will greatly affect your wife and you and is a decision you guys need to make as a team. Let her know that you really want the children she has to be children with you. I don't see how this would upset her, I would feel flattered and loved if my husband said that to me in the same situation. Explain how you want to be there for her when she pregnant and experience the joys of a growing life inside of her with the knowledge that it is yours (the two of you I mean, not just yours). There are many other aspects to consider, but this is definately a valid, and not selfish concern at all.
Best of luck-

Answer 3

I also think it is not a good idea to surrogate if you have not already given birth because you have no idea what that experience is like and you can very easily have a change of heart during the pregnancy and not feel like you can just give the baby to the parents. It's a tough thing to do no matter what, but it shouldn't be done by a person that hasn't already been through pregnancy. That's too tramatic and unpredictable for everyone involved.

Answer 4

If your wife is healthy, then you should have absolutely no concern for her being able to have your children.

However, it is the emotional aspect that will be sooooooo difficult. I am a young mother of 1, and I can't imagine being able to give my son away, even if he was "made"with someone else's genes.

Again, there are women who do give selflessly, and feel a sense of true "giving". If she feels she can do it, I would encourage her, because if you don't, she will only feel resentment towards you.

I suggest this:
1. Explain your feelings to her.
2. Explain that you love her and support her decision.
3. Know that she loves you, and that you are a factor in her decision-making process.
4. Give her time to make her own mind.

This way, you will not be forcing her to do, or not do anything, yet you have voiced your feelings to her.

Good Luck.

PS> the fact that the real parents are black will have no effect on your wife.

Answer 5

I don't think it would be a good idea for your wife to have her first child as a surrogate mom. After all, who knows how she is going to feel about the baby after giving birth - she may even decide that she wants to keep it. This has been known to happen.

I think you should talk with her about how you feel, and about how you really want the first child that she has to be yours. You aren't being selfish at all by saying this. If your friends are truly friends they will understand this. :-)

Answer 6

I agree with you....pregnancy is a whirlwind of emotions and feelings........I think that your wife should have a child to you FIRST. That way when you guys go through all the ups and downs of pregnancy, then you will have that little miracle and it will be yours to keep. I could not imagine going through the labor only having to give the baby away.......that would be horrible. That first cry is the most amazing sound there is, and I could not imagine knowing that my first pregnancy and my first baby are not mine to keep.
stick to your guns Explain to your wife that you love her and you want to share in the first pregnancy with her.......but you want it to be your guy's baby.
good luck!!!

Answer 7

I think in order to be a surrogate the mother must have given birth before. I don't think she'd be a candidate .....

Answer 8

no i don't think your been selfish at all i don't think your wife really knows what shes is for because she has never had any experience at being pregnant i think you and your wife should sit down and have a long talk about this hope everything goes OK for u x x

Answer 9

the race thing doesn't matter.. people are people. As far as your protective feelings over the body that will carry your future children.. and as for you wantting to share those experineces with your child first and maybe only.. that is very understandable. Personally I would want at least one child with the man I love to share that with him, wiht our child... it is special.. then maybe after we had our first.. I understand...

Answer 10

nah i dont think your selfish I would have my own first then have someone elses... tell her to wait til you allhave your kids thats all.