my b/f's and i have been together for 3 years and we both have i girl from previous relationship. His daughter lives with her mom and is spoiled and it shows. She demands everything and he gives it to her. I gave them both trouble the other day and said they were in time out and could not have cookies, but he came in and let only her out and gave her a cookie. I how ever did not give in with my girl and but tried to explaine how it was wrong but i am the bad guy. He will not lister to me and says he does not get to see her so thats why. They are both 6. Now my daughter is starting not to like him. And his dont like me. What do i do?
2007-01-19 17:54:47 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
dump his looser as.s
2007-01-19 17:59:05 · answer #1 · answered by Chicken C 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wow! You two need to talk about how you are going to discipline your children and then stick to it. The worst thing he can do is undermine you in front of her. She is going to think she has power over you. Also, it's not fair to your daughter. He needs to realize that he needs to be his daughter's dad before being her friend. It doesn't matter if he doesn't see her very often. If he doesn't discipline her, she will think she can get away with whatever she wants when she's with dad. If he doesn't stop this now, it's only going to get worse. His behavior is actually negatively affecting you and both of your daughters. Your daughter doesn't like him (and probably resents his daughter), his daughter doesn't like you. What a mess. If you both could just agree on discipline and stick to it, no one would feel this way. Frankly, I would be pissed that he did this to you and left your daughter in time out and gave his daughter a cookie. That's totally screwed up. Good luck to you!
2007-01-19 18:07:38 · answer #2 · answered by Swim Mom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Regardless of whether he spoils his child or not, you can't change that. What you need to work on is making sure he is kind to your daughter. Have a serious chat with him and try to explain in a nice way that you love him, and you want to see your little girl grow to love him as well, as your relationship progresses. tell him how fond you are of his daughter from the previous marraige, and explain you would never want her to feel left out, and would want the same for your girl. Its probably a touchy situation for him, and he probably doesn't even notice what he is doing by ignoring your child, and giving his kid 'special treatment'. He probably feels bad for his child b/c of the broken marriage, and is paying off his guilt by never punishing her, and letting her do whatever she wants. It's understandable, some people when they feel guilty thats exatcly what they do. They let the child run the show, and You telling him how to treat his own kid, is going to be a strain on your relationship, so I would let it be. I would just try to work on the relationship between your daughter and him, so they have a bond, and she isnt resentful of him. :)
2007-01-19 18:07:24 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
im sure youve hada sit down with him already....im actually at a loss for words...explain to him why you think this will work and what the reasoning is, explain that by pulling only his daughter away from the timeout corner he is not reinforcing the punishment, and that this puts a "bad taste in the mouth" for your little one. Just because he are not able to see his daughter often doesnt mean that you have no authority over her. You and her mother are both her mothers. i hope from what little i know of parenting that this helps.
2007-01-19 18:08:20 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you two are incompatible as parents, this relationship is going to have this as a stress issue all the time. Either work out how the two of you can get on the same page or consider breaking up.
2007-01-20 02:23:01 · answer #5 · answered by glurpy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you all need to get on the same page about things. he needs to understand that you are treating them equally, and you should tell him that he should do the same. If he's going to give the one girl a cookie, he should give the other one one, (even if that makes them both not like you) because that is sounding like he is picking favorites. It is understood that the one is his, but still, if they are going to be in the same environment, then they should be treated as equals.
Oh, yeah, and because of my answering this question, i am now at level 3!!! Thanks
2007-01-19 21:01:54 · answer #6 · answered by Confused & Young 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he probably does not want to be the bad guy if he see's his daughter occasionally but he has to realise he is not doing her any good. Try and talk to him again and set up ground rules for both children that you both agree on. If this doesn't work then you may need to reassess your relationship
2007-01-19 21:58:38 · answer #7 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get rid of him
If he cant treat both children the same it is not fair on your child, or even on you
He should have some respect for how you want things to go in your house
Tell him that if he wants to continue to treat her differently that he should see her away from you, so that you dont have to put up with his stuff
2007-01-19 18:04:39 · answer #8 · answered by mary L 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its a really big problem but consult a psycologist & try to go on a weekend to come more close ;for some time leave all eals work & give them time.
2007-01-19 18:08:15 · answer #9 · answered by shravani 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
most likely his will learn to ignore you and yours will rebel even more if he keeps doing that crap. you could maybe suggest that if he were to work with you more on discipline her mother may see improvement in behavior at home and would be more likely to allow for their child to spend more time with him. if he is not willing to work with you there will be a constant tension that will build amongst all of you
2007-01-19 21:03:37 · answer #10 · answered by super_ez1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs to treat both children fairly.Ithink you need to move on from this relationship..I forsee problems.
2007-01-19 22:56:03 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋