Why do so many people care about other parents' parenting skills?

Question

Women get slammed for having a baby at 18 or at 40. We get slammed for breastfeeding or choocing to use formula. We get slammed if we work or if we stay at home with our kids. We get slammed if we spank or use time-out. We get slammed if we use daycare or if we don't use daycare. We get slammed if we're divorced or in a non-marriage relationship. We get judged if we waited until marraige for sex or if we chose to have premarital sex. Why? Aren't we all parents that care about our kids more than anything? Aren't we all doing what we feel is best for our children? What does all of this have to do with the type of parent we are? I may be venting just a little, but I had to get this off of my chest.

Answer 1

Your venting is just that, its just venting and seems to be a very normal observation from your prespective...of which I believe your entitled too. So, I'll address just your question. I can only tell you that reguardless of your age and experience as a parent you are exactally that, a parent in your own right, with all of its entitlements and responsibilities. On the positive side many people care about other parents parenting skills because there is usually something they have or something that they are doing that is to be admired or, for you and your child to benefit from should you evaluate and use that same skill, or your modified version of it to fit your own family needs. I say this because, I feel confident that you also possess and have some parenting beliefs or skills that you too are also using that someone has observed you doing and they want to do the same because they have observed you doing something nice or wonderful. When someone slams you it's not your problem. Unless you want to take it on as your problem (I'm not going to take others on who slam me). It belongs to them. You and I will always get slamed from time to time and we can't control it. Have confidence in your own rightful position in raising your own child. If you need help ask those parents whom you trust "what would they do", or what other options do they have for you to consider on the issue. See what their take is on a situation that you are truly concerned about. If its good, then use it. If only part of their skills are good then use only that part and tell them thank you, as for the rest, feel free to throw it away...privately. Great parents, such as yourself, ask great parenting questions and this question has been one of them. Bless you and happy parenting.

Ed

Answer 2

I agree with you! It's horrible how my sister-in-law treats me for the choices I've made with my son. I'm a single mother, I take my son to daycare, my parents help me quite a bit, I work 2 jobs, I have a social life. My son was never taught sign language, he's a free spirit so when we go places he tends to be active, but fairly well behaved. My son is 2 and we're still in the starting stages of potty training, but I have a healthy and happy son. I think that's all that matters. My son is smart and active, and healthy. I care about my son very much, nothing will change how much I love him. I work bad overnight hours so I can spend the daytime with him (which is why I get help from my parents, it's impossible to find an overnight babysitter around here). I don't see myself as a bad mother at all, but she does and critizes my parenting every time she sees me. It's vile how some people are so close minded about things. My son could grow up to be the president for all we know. I guess I'm venting a little also! You make a great point!!

Answer 3

I don't judge unless the kids are wild (and I mean wild, not normal stuff) as I have friends and family that have become moms and parents through may different paths. All you can do is try. I just wish everyone would teach their children how to behave as we are all dependent on each other when it comes down to it. Manners cost nothing. A spoiled and undisciplined brat at 4 is kind of cute but annoying, the same brat at 33...not so cute.

In regard to people judging the family unit, whatever shape: It better to have more hands involved just for the Mom's sanity, but marriage isn't always the best answer and doesn't provide that additional help a lot of the time. You are probably doing a great job, don't fret about the idiots. People love to tear others down for some reason. They are the people who tell other people not to try , etc...Overly critical people are everywhere, and the miserable b*stards love to tell you exactly where you went wrong. Ignore them. After all, you have your kids and they don't. You win.

Answer 4

hope you feel better now. Sometimes you need to take a break from Yahoo! because it gets so frustrating reading others answers. But the thing is everyone is entitled to an opinion and they feel theirs is the best way. I personally raise my kids how I feel is right. I feel though for some kids with the way they are being raised, spankings all the time, feeding solids to babies (ie: all the people that say put cereal in a babies bottle) are just a couple of my pet peeves but when it comes down to it...these are not my kids and I don't know them so I have no right to tell them how to raise a child but if I am asked my opinion I will give it but not in a way that my way is the one and only way. It is my way and it does not have to be your way. As long as you love your kids and do the best by them you should not be concerned if it does not fit someone elses style. You can never please everyone

Answer 5

It annoys me too. People can be so narrow minded thinking that they are right and others are wrong... I perfer open minded people.. they rock. As a single mom who is having a second child I get slammed. It doesn't matter that my kids are happy, healthy, well taken care of, want for nothing (not even good parenting), and have excellent manners, and are happy... People look through glasses of what they think should be...

Answer 6

I am guilty of judging others' parenting styles, but mostly in the extreme cases such as deadbeat parents, abusive parents, etc. I also think that the concept of "it takes a village to raise a child" encourages parents/society to judge one other. Like, "Hmm... that lady isn't doing her part to raise her child or my child." When in actually, it's nobody else's responsibility nor nobody else's business but the parent(s). (Of course there are exceptions to the rule... abuse, etc.)

Answer 7

i hear you and i feel your pain truth is we all think we know what is best for our children so when we see a woman doing something different we automatically feel like they have to be wrong.

i have found myself on both ends of this situation though i am trying to teach myself not to judge other mothers as i really don't know them, their situation or their children. i think it is something we all need to learn.

lol good question

Answer 8

KEY TO SUCCESSFUL PARENTING. No one can please everyone all the time.