Disgusting Eating Habits?

Question

Me and my sister have this problem with my dad and the way he eats. He grew up with a big family and everyone had the worst eating habits. He talks with his mouth full, food flys out of it, he makes that gulping noise when he drinks, even when he swallows solid foods! Plus that weird clacking sound when you put to much food in your mouth. We've confronted him on his manners countless times, everytime we say something like "Dad please stop I'm trying to eat" Or "Could you please be a little quieter?" But he ignores us, so we suggested that he at least not eat around us, or go into another room. But guess what? We can hear him in the other room! It's that bad! We really tried having mature conversations about this but he gets mad! As if he has the nerve to be the mad one! It's gotten really bad, I feel so helpless, the sound is seriously sickening, nothing we do seems to work. How can we confront him if all he does is have a hissy fit? Please help!

I know, I know, respect your parents, but I don't think they should be allowed walk all over you. He's so arrogant about it, he knows he eats bad but he doesn't care. Seems to me like he likes to fight and start drama, because after we ask him to please stop, I swear he eats louder on purpose. That is seriously unhealthy.

God these are some of the lousiest answers I've ever heard "Oh, my dads dying" "Oh, it's his house" If your not gonna help then don't waste my time or space!

Answer 1

I agree with your additional comments, it may be his house but that doesn't mean the person who pays the bills shouldn't have any respect for the other family members, that's such an old-fashioned idea, that Father should always get his way even if it's unreasonable! Family members should have respect for *each other* and if one person is truly doing something that annoys all the rest then it's not simply 'their right', even if that person happens to be the one who brings in the money. Which isn't even a given; perhaps mom has a better-paying job? Remember this is 2007! :)

I wish I had real good advice but it seems you have tried a lot. If he's getting worse after you asked him to eat more quiet, have you tried ignoring him for a time? Maybe if you let off for a while he'll be willing to make an effort more than when he feels pressured, sounds silly but sometimes people work that way...

Another thing, have you tried taking it up with him at another time, not at the dinner table, when you're all more relaxed? At the time it's happening you're probably all annoyed at each other, you and your sister at his eating habits, he from feeling pressured to change... but maybe some time in the afternoon or evening when you're just sitting around you'll have less adrenaline flowing and you'll be able to reach better results. Little stuff is often best said at the time, big issues often can be discussed better at another time, when tempers aren't as hot to start with... my experience at least.

Last, try to reach a compromise for special occasions. See if you have friends over, or for holidays/bdays, if he can mind his manners and you won't badger him the rest of the week. That kinda thing... chances are unless he's really doing it on purpose to annoy you (in which case you have a bigger problem with the family relationship), he'll have to make a big effort the first few times but as he gets practice it'll be less of an effort, and maybe some good habits will slip in on other days too!

Answer 2

First of all he is your father so you need to respect him. It is his house and he can eat anyway he likes if he is the one paying the bills. Chill out and see the humor in the situation. If it's that bad eat at a different time than he does and stay in your room or leave the house while he eats. If he's a good dad otherwise learn to live with it because nagging him will not change him but will probably make him want to do it even more!

Answer 3

It's tough but you might have to give up on this one. The person who mentioned the videotape thing has a good idea but, depending on your father, he might get pissed off at that. Eventually, he'll probably change his habits. Especially if other people comment on it in the future. You've done what you can. You've told him how bad it sounds and I'm sure he gets the point. He probably just doesn't want to be told how to behave by his children. Probably an ego thing. I'd say drop it and the problem will probably go away eventually. In the meantime, enjoy the humour of the situation. :-)

Answer 4

Try to talk to him in a kind, calm manner, and let him know that it's not nice the way he eats for the other people around him, I don't think it's ok to isolate him from everybody else, I don't see how that helps you are trying to make him change his eating habits, no hide it.
Anyways he is your dad, and because of him you have food in your table. be grateful that you actually had somebody to teach you good manners, and you don't eat the way he does.

Answer 5

How dare you tell your father what he should do, in his own house? What a couple of brats you are. If you are so offended by your dad's eating habits, why don't you go in the other room? Your dad may be the most disgusting man alive, but it's not your place to tell him that. Grow up, get your own place, and eat however you want.

Answer 6

I don't know how old you are, but my husband's dad is in hospice (dying) and I'm sure he would be glad to have his dad back, even with his bad habits.

Be thankful your dad is at the table with you and not dying or in some bar, or even in another state not wanting to talk to you.

Answer 7

You could have a family gathering, and suggest your whole family "learn manners". So that he feels like you are not picking on him. He wont even think about changing his habits if it is making him feel less. So try to help him and sympathizing with him.

Good luck

Answer 8

Yah, I try to bring that up to my mum too, but it never seems to work. Old habits die hard, I guess. But kicking him off the table seems a little too harsh, maybe you should try giving him smaller servings at a time so he doesn't gobble food down like that?

Answer 9

I have to empathize with you. I have a dad that is set in his ways and he doesn't look at things from another perspective. I have to put up with crap too, and I don't look at it as disrepecting him. I look at it as he isn't being respectful of others. I'll tell you one thing I have to deal with. He talks to my mom about me like if I wasn't there, but I am sitting right there beside him. Why can't he just ask me himself, you know????

Answer 10

I would either ignore him, or not eat with him. But then, he is your Dad, and you only get one of those.