my mom is always comparing me negitavly to my sister and friends, like their royal and im just the little lowly plain girl, sometimes she even makes it sound like im this huge burden on her life, nomater how hard i try to please her, and when shes not doing that she is puting down my dreams that have nothing to do with my future career choice. for example, once we were talking about my dancing and she said "you dont look like a ballerina; _____ does" (the blank was a friend of mine). i want to tell her but she is just so scary when she gets mad. what should i do? please no sarcastic or dumbass answers.
2007-01-19 16:37:44 · 13 answers · asked by smartree16 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
in case this helps im only 15.
2007-01-19 16:45:45 · update #1
thank you all and god bless you whether you really care or not.
2007-01-19 16:59:31 · update #2
It's hard to grow all the way up at 15 - but you can do it - the sensitive way you asked your question - says so... Decide what you want in life and go for it. Walk alone if you have to but keep walking. It doesn't matter what ANYONE says about you -
what counts is how you think and feel about yourself. Read everything you can get your hands on --- you will be so busy introducing yourself to the world around you --- you won't have time to worry about what others think. Good Luck and God Bless!!!!
2007-01-19 17:14:59 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, understand YOU ARE NOT THE REASON FOR YOU MOM'S PROBLEMS EITHER WITH HERSELF OR YOUR PARENT'S MARRIAGE. You have your own issues ( ie: the cutting, just going through teenage emotional angst, which is normal. The cutting isn't ), but, if your mom isn't mature enough to shoulder the responsibility of her own relationships, then those are HER issues. Next, I will commend you on trying to reconcile your parents relationship. Now, I will tell you the painful part. This is between your parents. Life is hard. Relationships are not easy. I don't know anything about your parents, so, I won't say that your mom is being immature and your dad is being too sensitive. Your dad is hurting, but, given time, he will get over your mom. Of course, that is if he wants to. Who knows, maybe they will get back together on their own. The important thing is that THEY HAVE TO DO IT. Kids only get to do it in the movies. Good luck. I hope that you find a therapist to help you overcome your own issues. I think that you have a lot of maturity in your personality and can be in control of your own life without hurting yourself.
2016-05-23 23:46:34 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear Needs Advice
You need a person in your life who will not be so selfish around you. Many of the advisors have told you to confront your mom -- some want you to be more direct than others. You can try, but my guess is that she will probably get defensive.
I had a dad who was overly critical, mean, and would get all dramatic when we asked him to treat us with more respect. Our mom was busy taking care of him, and was also not available. I found a substitute parent in our pastor's wife. I would go over to her house and do a brain-dump. She never judged my dad. She always and only just treated me with kindness. Is there an aunt or teacher in your life?
You don't need to necessarily go over and make disrespectful comments about your mom, just talk to this person about your hopes and dreams and tap into their wisdom and caring spirit. Then, when your mom tries to stomp on your spirit, it won't be quite so weak that it will break under her cruelty.
2007-01-19 17:08:32 · answer #3 · answered by snickersmommie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to sit down and have a talk with your mom. What she is doing is wrong and can affect your self-esteem.
It also seems to me that your mom has had some problems trying to please her own mother as she was growing up. If that is the case, then the problems that she is having with you, has nothing to do with you....it has something to do with her past. The past that she hasn't let go and now she is being her mother, and using you as herself. Hope this makes sense to you. Another wards, the way she is treating you, is the way she was treated by her own mother. So, you may want to ask her about how her mother treated her. This could be a process for her healing to talk about it too.
So, in the meantime, do talk to your mom and tell her how she is affecting you by saying negative things about you. Tell her what you need is a mother who loves and cares for you, not a mother who is always comparing you with others. But, do talk by being polite to her.
Hope this helps!
2007-01-19 17:48:36 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My Dad was like that to me, when I was growing up. Now, I'm not sure how far your Mother goes with the negativity, but here's a suggestion. I found a book at the local library once, and then baught this book at a bookstore, once I had learned it's title. It is -Toxic parents. It will show you how to approach your mother on an adult level, and constructively, not destructively.
It really helped me with my Dad, and you know what? Using the books technuiqes, and advice, helped my Dad to start seeing me as an indavidual. And he started to show me respect.
2007-01-19 16:57:15 · answer #5 · answered by jeraboam2004 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I answered a question similar to this before. I think sometimes (as in my case) mom is jealous of you. My mom for instance was in an unhappy marriage and didn't have a say in much of her daily existence. I was very outspoken at a young age and wouldn't tolerate bs from guys. I believe my mother was jealous because she couldn't stand up for herself and be independent like me so she took her frustrations out on me to keep me down. Is it possible this could be similar to your situation? Either way it is don't let her hold you down or change you. It took me many years of unhappiness to discover my life is wonderful and I'm a good person. Your mother needs to respect you for the person you are not try to change you to be the person she wants you to be. Be true to yourself and don't worry about others.
2007-01-19 16:45:50 · answer #6 · answered by uknowme 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It may be hard, but you need to talk to your mom and tell her what she is doing to you. Your mom is just probably wants you to do the right thing in your life and not get hurt. Also, she probably went through some things and she see you going down the same path she went and wants better for you.
2007-01-19 17:11:32 · answer #7 · answered by Lacy14 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know that negative words from your mother can hurt you but, you have to try and ignore her and pursue your dreams and goals by setting them where you can reach them. Start with short term goals first and make an effort to attain them. Don't pay attention to anyone who is not supportive of your dreams because, they're just insecure about themselves that they can't do what you want to do with your life, and it is your life. Keep your spirits up and you can be whatever you want in life but, if you don't try you will never know if you could.
2007-01-19 16:46:03 · answer #8 · answered by saturn man 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It seems hard, but you have got to face her about it and dont back down, thats what she relies on you to do. The moment you stand up to her, everything will change. She will learn to respect you for who you are, she may take a cpl of days to get over it but you are gointg to get the weight of the world of your shoulders. Best wishes to you.
2007-01-19 16:44:49 · answer #9 · answered by Spastikus 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Put it all down in a letter, get it off your chest. She may not be aware of what she is doing to you. Or you could show her your question and all the answers you receive. She may not take kindly to that though.
2007-01-19 16:43:35 · answer #10 · answered by jammer 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋