BOYFRIEND joining???????? I'M ABOUT TO CRY................?

Question

My boyfriend and I are in college. We've been together for almost a year and talk about marriage all the time.

He talked to the military recruiter today (he told me he would yesterday).. and he said that he now may go into it. He'll be able to get any kind of job and they'll pay for school. He would be gone for the whole summer.. and next summer. It's like he poured all this to me at once. We would've had a heartfelt talk... but my brother and his friend were there. So I couldn't say anything. He said he's gonna talk to his dad. He used to be in the military. Basically, my boyfriend is thinking about joining just to pay for college.

My heart is breaking. I'm about to cry. I don't think it really hit me yet... I won't be seeing him on weekends and summers anymore. I don't know. And the whole thing about a chance of him dying? My God... I couldn't handle that.

Someone please help me feel better. What is it like in the military? And what is it like for their significant others?

Answer 1

He should have given you an opportunity before he signed up, so I do agree he didn't include you in his decision. Yes the military does pay for his education. If you decide to get married you may choose to move to the base, free housing. If you live off off base you may get a lower house allowance. You would be allowed to use base facilities. If your husband is gone for long assignments you may have to find a job, but it easier to get a job on base because of your spousal status. It's not an easy place to live but it does depend on how accept your role. If you don't get married you are on your own with no or little benefits. You may want to ask your boyfriend's mom on what to expect and her experience on being a military spouse. You need to explain your fears to him and hopefully he listens. Hope this helps a little.

Answer 2

May I make a suggestion? Tell your boyfriend if he wants to make money to get a Merchant Mariner's Document and work as a deckhand or wiper on a cargo ship or oil tanker during the summer or on an extended break. The nice thing about it is if he doesn't like it he can quit!! The Service sticks you for 2 to 4 years of your life. He'll be away from you for a few months but at least he won't be getting shot at. Please e-mail me if you or him are seriously interested in this. Tell me what state you live in and I will be able to give you the address of the nearest Coast Guard Regional Examination center. The Coast Guard to a merchant sailor is like the Division of Motor Vehicles or Secratary of State are to your driver's license. They regulate it and distribute merchant mariner's cards. I will also be able to help with labor union addresses or companies that may be hiring. I left the US navy in November 1993. I made 900 dollars a month as an e-2. I started sailing on a container ship in late December 1993 as an oiler making $104.20 a day for an 8 hour day. Over 8 and I got overtime pay. The navy gives you the same cr*p every 2 weeks.It doesn't matter if you work 0 or 8 or 24 hours a day. I also was treated like a human being compared to the jerk for a chief petty officer who was a little tyrant over me!! Tell your boy to take a breath and think! There are other better ways of getting some money in the wallet. Good luck!

Answer 3

I joined to get money for college. Then they took me into a room and told me what I really agreed to: To follow orders without question, give up certain rights (like the right to tell your boss "no"), and possibly kill or die on command. That scared me a bit, but I rationalized that the Air Force was probably the best option for someone not interested in the whole killing and dying thing. I also decided that I would live up to my commitment and hope. Then Desert Storm happened! I was lucky to be on my way to Korea already so I avoided that side of the world altogether. My time in Korea taught me some very valuable lessons about military and significant others...

First of all, they almost encourage marraige because the money and benefits is just better if married, plus the dependants (you and any kids) are covered with all the same benefits as him. Secondly, it is extraordinarily hard on both partners when the soldier is shipped off without his or her mate. People tend to adapt to their environment by nature, and when that environment doesn't include their significant other, problems ensue between them. The number one reason is that everyone has needs (and I'm not speaking of just sexual ones) and they will struggle to meet those needs, and the needs for intimacy and love starve in long distance relationships. Plus, add to that the fact that he will probably get stuck in Iraq (just like my Nephew - who didn't believe me btw) which will cause you a ton of stress and worry. If he goes, his chance of dying is realistically dependant on his job. It won't be extrememly high either way, but his chance of losing a limb or being maimed in some other way yet surviving would be much more likely. You can't make him do anything without huge amounts of resentment, so just protect yourself girl and tell him your heart.

Answer 4

i was in army ROTC in college and then i dropped it. u should NEVER join the military for the money, you'll only live to regret it. your boyfriend really needs to think this through. he should really join ROTC at college instead of enlisting. in ROTC he can try it out for a year or 2 first to see if he actually likes it or not, whereas if he enlists through one of those damn recruiters he can't get out of it once he joins. i thought i would like the army, it turns out it wasn't for me. i'm so glad i tried out ROTC first. some people love the military lifestyle, and that's fine, but it's not for everyone. tons of people in the military, officers and enlisted guys alike will all say that u should only join because it's what u really want - the money isn't worth it in the end. especially if u have to pay it back with your life. i am in college too with a girlfriend of over a year talkin bout marriage, and i'm glad i've decided against being gone in the military for years. your boyfriend really needs to rethink it to make sure he's NOT doing it for the money. tell him to talk to people in the military that AREN'T recruiters to get the real scoop. recruiters are only focused on getting u to join and making it sound wonderful. the glamour and glory of the military dies fast once you're in it and is often replaced with a miserable lifestyle and most people can't wait to get out. tell him to read this comment, i know what i'm talkin about.

Answer 5

girl u r in for a wake up call. depending on what job he dose in the army but my hubby is infantry and he is never home he works alot and its a hard job. being an army wife is the hardest job in the army, if u love him stick by his side, it was my husbands dream it is something he really wanted to do so i respected the fact. he signed up for four years and he promised me that was it. You have to be really strong for him and ur self. Also i believe that out of the army not only did my husband gain from it but i am now more independent then i have ever been. Good luck girl! and stand by ur man but do not throw away ur dreams for any one.

Answer 6

Everything is okay. Not every military branch will deploy to war. He is able contact you and he is able to come back to visit you once a year. Well he have not even entered boot camp training yet so don't think about him dying because he is not even going to be deployment. By the way what branch is he in?

Answer 7

you have my sympathy. i'm sorry you're so upset. it will be okay, though. it's not easy, but people do it all the time. it sounds like you all need to have a long talk.

my husband joined right before we first got together. it was tough. lots of letter writing! however, he was discharged, and we're still together, so........ we didn't actually have a terribly long separation, like you might have if he gets sent to combat.

and know that you and he both will have eternal gratitude from your fellow citizens for your sacrifices.

Answer 8

Quit crying. He is doing something good for himself and society. You should be proud that he wants to improve himself and at the same time, he will be helping others. If everyone waited for their wife, girlfriend, boyfriend or husband to stop crying before they joined the military then we would not have a military. Support him with this choice in his life. Also be thankful that he is volunteering so others will not be drafted.

Answer 9

well hunny my husband is over there now serving and its quite scary.if you truly love him support him. he wont see a deployment for a very long time. what branch is he planning to join. he will fair better if he is married and so will you for reaching him. any good sailor or soldier needs a strong supportive wife waiting at home for him. specially during deployment. it gives them something to live for military life is hard i wont lie to you but if you love him you can and will do it pray and pray hard about this. if you love him you will support him i am here if you need more info

Answer 10

Hi my name is Chelbi and I kind of know what your going through and my brother is in the Army and you can Email him or talk to him on the phone and be happy for him.