What is a good way to remember my fiance's deceased father in our wedding?

Question

We really don't want too much emphasis on it because we don't want it to be a sad time. However, we would like to include some mention of him. Also, how do we word the invitations/announcements? (My parents are both alive and are still married, his mom is not remarried) Thank you so much!

He passed away seven years ago. I was thinking maybe a mention in the program and leaving a white orchid on an empty chair next to his mother. Is this weird? Should we just not do anything? I really don't want to cause problems with this!

Answer 1

Many brides and grooms want to include some type of remembrance during their wedding ceremony of a parent (or parents) that have passed away. It can be done tactfully and without making it too sad at the same time; here are some options:

* A Lighting of candles can be done at the very beginning of the ceremony or during the lighting of the unity candle.

* Presentation of single stemmed flowers for each parent at the altar.

* A special reading which mentions their name) could also be done.

* Have the clergy say a prayer mentioning their names and possibly have the congregation bow their heads in a moment of silent remembrance.


Memorial candles are a beautiful, personalized way to honor and include the memory of a loved one (who has passed on) in your wedding ceremony. Complete wedding memorial candle sets with a personalized memorial candle are custom made for you. Include the memory of your loved ones in your candle lighting ceremony with this very special wedding memory candle. Light the memory candle before your ceremony as a heartfelt memorial to the loved ones who are unable to attend your ceremony but forever remain alive in your hearts.

http://www.weddingstar.com/ideas/memorial.html

good luck

Answer 2

My husband and I were married last May and when I printed our programs I included a special dedication for his father and my grandmother along with a bible verse. I did this in large print so it would be noticed by everyone, but they would both want us to be happy on this day so I didn't carry it any further than that. I just thought it would bring to many sad memories for my husband and my mom instead of being with us on such a wonderful day. I personally think that a flower on the empty chair next to mom would be a painful reminder of those that can't be with them. And a wedding is supposed to be a blessed happy occasion.That's the way they would want it to be for us left behind. But don't forget them all together, just don't bring up to many painful memories. And God Bless you and your future marriage. As far as the invites, if your parents are hosting then they should be the only ones on the invites, if your husbands mom is sharing the expenses then ask her if she wants her name mentioned on the invite. Most bridal invitation book have lots of suggestions in there books for all kinds of situations. Check rexcraft.com for a few.

Answer 3

Im in a very similar situation except its my father that passed away and not my fiances. Were getting married in June and what were going to do is for the ceremony were having my grandparents (my dads parents) walk in before the attendants with a picture of my dad and and bouqet of flowers and lay them where my dad would have sat. It might be a little more emphasis than you wanted but I think its a good way to honor him. Maybe you could just do the flowers and no picture... About the invitations, we are just going to word them without the parents names, such as... John smith and Jane Johnson have the honor of inviting you... yada yada. or something along those lines. Hope I helped some. Congrats on the engagement!

Answer 4

Sample announcements can be found on this site:

http://www.invitesgalore.com/wedding-invitation-wording-2.htm

(I like #W42) - - you could modify it some
Jennifer Catheryn Hughes
daughter of
Mr. & Mrs. Allen Hughes
and Jason Fredrick Capp
son of
Mrs. JoAnn Capp and the late Mr. John Capp
hope you will join in this celebration
on Saturday, January 20, 2007
Two thousand and seven
Four o'clock in the afternoon
etc., etc....

And as for the memorial to his father, does your fiance have a brother that will be a groomsman in the wedding? When the brother escorts your fiance's mother in, the mother would first be escorted to the ceremony area where she lights a single candle in memory of her husband. If there is no brother, then I think it would be quite acceptable for the groom himself to usher in his mom before the ceremony where he or she could light the candle before seating her. (this is done after all the other candles are lit by one of the ushers, of course)

If each mom is going to light one of the candles on each side of the unity candle, the groom's mom would light that one first, and then light the memorial candle.

Usually the memorial candle is not centrally located, but off to the side a bit on the grooms side of the church up there within a few feet of the actual ceremony. Your wedding director can help you with this.

Then, in the bulletin, you can type "A single candle is lit today in loving memory of the late Mr. John Capp, father of the groom". I have seen this typed at the bottom section after the wedding agenda stuff.

Hope this helps!

Answer 5

You can honor him by using some of his fav flowers (if he had any) or one of his fav colors in your bridal party colors. you can have a small charm like picture square of him and his wife dangling from your bouquet. Traditionally you carry a white hankie with you under your flowers, so you could have the hankie with his initials embroidered on it. For the mother-son dance, you could have them dance to one of his father's fav songs. you could set a table with a photograph of his deceased father a button holer & a corsage that would have been worn by him and have candles. The following day you can place your top table arrangement on the grave along with a photo of you and your new husband (that's my sis idea...). You can talk with your Mother-In-Law about maybe using her husband's wedding band for your husband. You could get married on the same day his parents had. There's a lot of ways you can honor him. But the most important and special way you can honor him, is to be a good wife to his son, and help him to be a good husband to you. Are not two better than one? Eccl 4:9-12

Answer 6

Leaving an Orchid on an empty chair is an excellent way to remember him......I would make sure that mom is ok with this idea as it is the seat next to her. Also, you may want to make mention of his memory on inside page of the guest book...and perhaps as a final remembrence during the wedding, a toast in his memory during the reception.

Answer 7

My husband's daughter put on the bottom of her program a list with her mother's name and his grandfathers. Above the names she said - Remembering those who cannot be with us, but are sharing this day in spirit. The Rabbi mentioned them briefly in the ceremony honoring those who are no longer with us - then stated the names she had listed on the program. It was all very subtle, and very well received by the attendees. Nothing was put on the actual invitation. Personally, I feel it is tacky to put a deceased person's name as inviting someone to the wedding. Remembering them at the wedding is very thoughtful.

Answer 8

My new son-in-law lost his mother a number of years ago. They chose to marry on his mother's birthday. They had a display of wedding photos of the parents and grand parents and their siblings (an interesting thing since his dad is in his eighties, and we are in our fifties). The wedding invitations were from the bride and groom, and they were stated "Annie Smith, daughter of George and Kate Smith, and John Jones, son of Mike and Meg Jones...) No further mention of his mother and the fact that she was gone were made. Those who knew it was her birthday, and that the wedding anniversary would always have her presence, were touched. But the subtlety was also just right for all concerned.

Answer 9

I think the candle thing is a good idea. Just have a candle at the reception maybe on the guft table. You can get his picture printed with dates as a label to wrap around a tall candle holder. Or you can have a chair set for him at the ceremony with a rose and even label the rose with his name, etc.

Answer 10

My father passed away 3 1/2 years ago. When I got married last year, I wrote a short speech that was given by one of our friends at the wedding. Essentially it was read by him, but as if it was me saying it. It was a little awkward, but still nice to remember him.