Bf says: "If I didn't love you, I would continue dating you, do you understand?" What to do to stay together?

Question

Been dating 9 months, been great. He gave 3 reasons for breaking up: (1) Love. he loves me, therefore he wants to break up with me. Basically, he feels unworthy of me so bad about continuing to date me, and would break up as an act of love. (2) Time. He wants us to spend time doing other things, and grow while apart. (3) Timing. He wants us to break up while "our relations are still beautiful"/before we start disliking each other (Something I doubt will ever need to happen). I know he is being sincere, he insists that those are his reasons. From the beginning he has shown signs of being insecure about himself. He started dating me by saying "I Don't feel proportionate/worthy of you, but I want to date you." He said he would marry me if he were more decent. I already told him his reasons don't make any sense. He wrote back "The reasons for thinking lets break up are what I said just before. I am honestly so absolutely grateful to you." What should I do to stay together? He is truthful

Answer 1

Actually, I find that he is being honest and is a decent guy. The things he outlined are all valid points. The big thing is that if you aren't happy with or you don't love yourself, you have nothing to give to others--bottom line. The guy is smart enough to not only know that, but to admit that to you. And, he also admits that he needs his space to grow up. I know it hurts, but you need to let the guy go...completely and move on. Friendship doesn't sound like an option with your feelings running so deep. If you don't have outside interests, develop them. If you have been neglecting friendships, renew them. Focus on making yourself the best person you can be. You need to be 'whole' before you can give to another person. Your bf readily admitted to you that he isn't 'whole' yet and that he needs to get his act together. If you truly loved the guy (and, most importantly, yourself), you would honor his request. Good luck!

Answer 2

Maybe somehow appeal to his self-esteem. You'll need to stress that you love him for exactly who he is, and how he treats you. The classic "I don't care how much money you make.... what you do....." line kind of stuff. If that's really the case, express to him how you feel. Remind him that he's human and you're human, no one really deserves to be put on a pedastal, as we are ALL great! Tell him that while you are somewhat flattered by those thoughts, it makes you humble all the more and makes you love HIM and be into HIM all the more. Just say, "DUDE, I'M HERE WITH ***YOU***, AREN'T I????" "I LOVE ***YOU***!!! I DESERVE ***YOU***, AND YOU DESERVE ME!!! SO WHAT'S UP??? If he continues to rant and rave about how much he doesn't deserve you, then I don't know what's wrong with him. He's either just crazy, or might be cheating on you or something (hey, it could happen). Good luck.

Answer 3

Sounds like he is just not that into you. Nice guys have a hard time breaking up because they don't want to hurt your feelings. He is trying very hard not to hurt you. Very often people stay in relationships that are wrong for them because they do not look forward to being "alone" again and they are so used to having the other person around. Let him go.

Answer 4

If you really feel he is sincere, try to remind him of things that make him 'worthy' if he is so insecure. Figure out, why exactly he feels unworthy. Are you guys from different financial, racial, religious backrounds???
He might just be afraid of a commitment. Was he hurt before?
Give him some space, see how he acts.

Answer 5

Um I think he's on crack. Seriously he is so full of it. He's just trying to make it sound pretty, he's hoping to break up with you and hoping that in that time he can sleep with you. And maybe if he feels like it, since he's "convinced" he doesn't deserve you maybe when he feels like he's grown into that place of being deserving of you, that you will get back with him whenever he wants, because of course he'll feel he deserves you now. What a lame way of trying to not look like a jerk, but this makes him look worse than a jerk. Instead of being honest and simply saying he doesn't want to be in the relationship and that's it, he tries to spin you this elaborate story and gay way of saying I want to break up, I want to sleep with other people, hopefuly you'll let me sleep with you anyway. It's so lame. I am in awe of the crap he's trying to feed you. This belong in that BS excuses hall of fame. You don't want to be with someone, who can't even be forthcoming about something as serious as a break up that he has to feed you this BS. Don't bother with him, please.

Answer 6

maybe he just doesnt want to hurt you i was in that sitsuation once and we are the best of friends i other words he loves you and because he love you he does not want to risk hurting you in any way there's really nothing you can do but just stay friends with him and maybe one day you'll go out with him again
good luck been there before it actually turned out to be a really good thing

Answer 7

hi i say yess and no because all friends go out as they like eachother thats where fun starts seeing eachother. really dont neeed reasons to do anything just be togher if you both like and injoy time spent togher without any reasons as they just confuse things where all you need is to just be you open and true and injoy let things happen trough being friends in time as things can happen for the right reasons without trying to hard cose dont need to just let them grow and see togher.

Answer 8

mybe he has like low self esteem or sumthing.. and about rson number 2, time, well cant he grow while being with you? anyway, mybe you can lyk give him some time to understand how he feels about you..

Answer 9

Let him go.
It will be easier for both of you.