Hello all. I am seeing this wonderful woman. We get on great together. We meet, talk, kiss etc. We seem to connect and understand each other. Approx a year ago she finished a relationship with a guy who was abusive to her. She told me that she likes how we are now and that because the last relationship was so bad that she is "terrified" to get serious with someone else. I wondering if i should hang in there as long as it takes until she is able to trust me or to cut my losses now - i dont want to be used as a crutch bcause im a nice guy and then discarded when she feels ready to trust again. I would appreciate advice. Its on my mind a lot - my number 1 priority is to make sure noone gets hurt - either her or me.
2007-01-19 15:00:31 · 7 answers · asked by Pa J 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
i believe this lady is probally sincere. she is probally using not commiting as a way out incase you turn out to be abusive too. it is likely the last guy wasnt mean to her at first either and that it was after commiting that he showed his true colors. hang in there she will come to see that you arent going to hurt her, but it is something that will take not only time but you need to coax her slowly into telling you exactly what she is scared of and maybe write out hand written contract between just you 2 as to how you will handle times where you get mad..
ex.. when i get mad at you i will tell you that i am mad and need time to think. i will walk away for 10 minutes and you should allow me that 10 minutes to think and calm down. this is how we will both handle our arguements.
ex 2... i have provided 2 new door locks for the doors and these will be put aside and remain sealed, however, if i should ever raise my hand to you then you should open and install those new locks. this is my way of saying that you will always be safe with me.
2007-01-19 15:21:35 · answer #1 · answered by painfully yours 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh... Maybe you should seem really emotional around her. Dont seem into watching sports cause usually that means that the girl will think you are just gonna watch tv and yell. Hug A LOT! cause girls kinda feel very comfy when that happens. Hang in there cause you guys might be destined to be perfect for eachother
2007-01-19 15:06:12 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Holy **** man. I feel like my whole time on Yahoo! Answers was building towards this moment. You need to let her go IMMEDIATELY!!! I was in the same situation. Your girl will drag this out, just like you're saying, making you the crutch. The girl I was seeing kept trying to get herself to move on with me, but she never allowed it to happen. I know it sucks, but you have to end it. If you're showing that much respect and being so nice and friendly to her, she should wise up and realize what a great dude you are. Unfortunately, she won't.
2007-01-19 15:06:38 · answer #3 · answered by The Royal Followills 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like she had a bad history..just console her and see if she opens up to you...maybe she has trouble trusting......ask her why she is terrified..tell her that you would never hurt her and you are not the same guy. ask for her to give you a chance...if all else fails then just to avoid anyone getting hurt, go find someone else...
2007-01-19 15:05:29 · answer #4 · answered by kowalley 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Crap, i'm sorry to hear that.
I think it's a 50 50,
I would hang in there but keep my defenses up.
Also talk to her about it, if she see's your worried like that she is likely to trust you more.
I can't really say anything else... it's a bad position to be in, hope you resolve it.
Good luck.
2007-01-19 15:05:04 · answer #5 · answered by soccerpsychic 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you really like her you should stick with her and maybe you should try to get her to go to a shrink to talk about her past it will help her get over it faster and just be there for her as much as possible
2007-01-19 15:15:00 · answer #6 · answered by Athena505 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit down and talk to her and find out how she feels now and tell her how you feel and what you are thinking.
Good Luck
2007-01-19 15:03:47 · answer #7 · answered by zen522 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋