Ever since I hit my son he's listened to me welll, almost like he's feared me, right? well, i tried real hard not to hit him, but he mouthed me off so i smacked him across the jaw.
Now my wife's threatening to leave me because she said that is full-out child abuse. Is there anything I can do? I feel horrible!
2007-01-19 14:45:52 · 15 answers · asked by csiguy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
he is fifteen and i just cant controll my temper... i may have hit him once or twice before...
2007-01-19 14:46:48 · update #1
If you are hitting your child when you are angry, then YES it's abusive. Discipline should originate in love and concern for a child, not anger and frustration. How can you teach a child anything if you cannot control yourself?
I think it's good that you are admitting this. The next move is to get help. Seriously. If you are out of control, you need some outside guidance to get you and your family back on track.
2007-01-19 15:08:12 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can hear that you are worried about what might come next. The boy will continue to be fifteen, and then sixteen, and so on. Until he grows out of his attitude, it is up to you to be the adult. Adults are in control of themselves.
You will be a much better father, a much better husband, and feel much better about yourself if you learn how to deal with your frustrations more effectively. Teenagers are frustrating!!!
If you feel horrible about the slap and the anger, then you are on the right track and deserve a chance to make it right.
Until you can get into that anger management or therapy, this is what you can do:
1- apologize to your wife and your son together for losing control
2- ask them for some help in getting your anger under control -- suggestions, cooperation, whatever you can come up with
3- find an outlet -- preferrably physical -- like exercising, running, tai kwon do, throwing eggs against a tree -- something safe, legal, and a way that is natural for you
4- when you are getting frustrated, remove yourself from the situation, breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth slowly and deeply for at least ten times or until you feel more calm
5- learn to reason with your son -- try to see his side of things before you tell him what you want him to do
The therapy or anger management is going to reinforce these five strategies... and the five strategies work best if you have other people to help keep you on track. It will also help you understand yourself better and feel better about yourself.
Good luck -- you are on the right track!
2007-01-19 23:04:58 · answer #2 · answered by snickersmommie 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Hmmm I am prob gonna piss some ppl off but oh well here goes! first of all i do not agree with just hitting a child for no reason! BUT.... my opion is what the bible says .. spare the child spoil the rod!! have 4 kids and my son has been out of control ... my boy is 14 and he has sassy'd me to no end and i have tried what the law wants
Time out .. what a crock!
I tried taking things away..... LOL what a joke ..when a child has no respect and does not care about ppl what makes ppl think they care about things!!!
i ask my boy to pick his stuff up one day and he told me hell NO.... i smacked him across the face and i felt like **** ...BUT it never happened again!!!!!
I think society and thanks to hilary clinton has given these kids to many rights . yes they are ppl but they have no idea what good decions or bad decions are.. i nearly died given birth . i think if my child is gonna respect any one it will be ME!!!! see what my kid learned is i am not asking him for rescpect i am demanding it ... as a mom i respect him and give him alllllll the things in life that he has to have and wants and i make him earn things ....
i awlays tell him i love him and i am always there for him to talk to.. but DONT disrepect ME!! i got spanked with a belt ...smacked in the face and put on my knees heck even embarrassed all when i deserved it and i KNOW i grew up to be a good person ...
i have never stole ...i dont cheat.... i am honest... i graduated ...went to college....and have a degree..... but look at the kids these days . i never knew anyone with a kid when i was in high school. i have a 13 year old god child with a 3 month old baby ..... cmon ppl!!!!!!!!!!! look back then not nearly the crime with young children as today and why??? cause we cant disipline .!!!!!!!!! dont think your abusive .... its called tough love
I mean cmon if its ok for his to sassy you then is it ok for him to hit you ? where is the line for these kids anymore?
2007-01-19 23:15:29 · answer #3 · answered by sassy4you 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well I don,t think your the kind of person that abuses,Kids can get to the best of us.
I grew up in the old school, where you would not mouth off an adult or you would get a slap, mabey that was harsh, but today the kids are afraid of no one , I believe that a good slap in the *** to straighten up a behaviour problem is 100% okay.
I have 2 kids and beleive me they got their *** smacked many times. to bad if somebody doesn,t like it.
2007-01-19 22:56:33 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its child abuse and yes, I do think you should feel bad. You adimit that you cant controll your temper and your child shouldnt have to suffer for your problem. You dont need to get your son to fear you to lisen to you. He mouthed off, well, thats what 15 year olds do. Dont you think he has the right to talk with out a fist being thrown in his face. At least hes not out stealing a car or something.
2007-01-19 22:53:53 · answer #5 · answered by flesh_of_daisy 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
one hit isn't abuse as long as you didn't knock him across the room or leave bruises.
but to try help controling you temper with him, next time seperate yourself for a moment when you feel your losing control then go back and confront him again once you've cooled down. He's testing you and can see by the anger he's getting to you.
2007-01-19 22:51:48 · answer #6 · answered by gypse76 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is such a controversial subject...I am not going to outright call you an abuser because i don't know you but i believe that on the spear of the moment anyone can make a bad decision and it does sound to me like that is what happened. There are so many ways to deal with troubled teens and hitting isn't one of them. I think that you and your wife should seek some sort of help for your family, before its too late and you possibly loose yours, it sounds to me like loosing them is not what you want.
2007-01-19 23:07:10 · answer #7 · answered by scorpia692003 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
U need to go to anger management classes before u lose your family. That not setting a good example for your son.
2007-01-20 00:53:13 · answer #8 · answered by wildpalomino 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to get anger management counseling and soon. Hitting anyone in the face is abuse and you need to recognize it as such. A child should listen out of respect not fear. And your wife is probably scared to death that you will smack her next. You need counseling, please seek help.
2007-01-19 22:49:46 · answer #9 · answered by HoustonTexan 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
thats not abusive..... thats being a parent--- teaching your
child respect to others.... and yourself... he mouthed off
to you- at the age of 15 - I have nephews that started at
the age of 12.. I saw a-lot of a** woopin's and slapping
in the mouth.... they deservered every one.....they learnt to
be more respectful to there elders..and appriecate the
home life..... eating, sleeping, no rent....
2007-01-19 23:28:43 · answer #10 · answered by jojo 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋