Would you please let me know if the next phrase is grammatically correct? Thanks.
"My experience in A and B, makes of my experience a weird but attractive mixing of two professional branches that used with intelligence yield a great advantage for C."
2007-01-19 14:36:52 · 7 answers · asked by Cesar 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Languages
Hello Cesar,
"Literature should be hard to write but easy to read, there is no merit in facile writing that is obscure".
It is not clear what you try to say, at least to me. Too many repeats -what is the main point? Why not make it two sentences, start with My experience in A and B is a great benefit/advantage/? in C. If you say used intelligently/judiciously -I would question: will he use it intelligently? -I think some other basis would make more sense. Anything must be used intelligentlyto be of any good; for example :a knife is great for cutting if used intelligently (otherwise you cut your fingers) and so on. So it is self evident -try to avoid repeating self evident things.
These comments are on the basis of the short excerpt -maybe the rest of the text will clarify -but should not need to. It always helps to think: what am I actually trying to say here.
All the best
from
mary a
2007-01-19 14:57:50 · answer #1 · answered by marya 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say it this way:
"My experiences in A and B create a weird but attractive mixture of two professional branches, which, used with intelligence, yields a great advantage for C."
2007-01-19 15:13:14 · answer #2 · answered by monteee_python 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My background in A and B means that I can draw upon an unusual but attractive mix of experience in two professional fields. Applied intelligently, this combination can yield a great advantage for C.
-- It is up to you, of course, but I would not use the word "weird" in this context. I think that it would hurt your chances of making a good impression.
2007-01-19 15:11:39 · answer #3 · answered by obro 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not.
Oh? You want help with it? Ok. Try this:
My experience in A and B makes a weird but attractive mix (or you could use the word "blend" or "amalgamation") of two professional branches. Used with intelligence, these yield a great advantage for C.
2007-01-19 15:39:42 · answer #4 · answered by thejanith 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"My experience in A and B, makes a weird but attractive blending of two professional branches that combined with intelligence yield a great advantage for C."
2007-01-19 14:45:31 · answer #5 · answered by Just Thinking 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Remove the comma between "B" and "makes". " My experience" is your subject and "makes" is the verb; never use a comma between the subject and verb unless you place an interjectional phrase between them. Further on you could place commas after "that" and after "intelligence" to separate the interjectional phrase between your subject "that" and verb "yield" in that section of your sentence.
Your sentence would read: "My experience in A and B makes of my experience a weird but attractive mixing of two professional branches that, used with intelligence, yield a great advantage for C."
I hope that this is helpful to you.
2007-01-19 15:02:50 · answer #6 · answered by Lynci 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it should read mix, not mixing.
"Used with intelligence" doesn't make sense to me here.
2007-01-19 14:44:09 · answer #7 · answered by rebeca_16_2000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋