Tell me why my life is so hard.......I have been through this.....?

Question

I ---was sexually molested at age age 3,5,7, and on up here and there until I was 15 years old....and found myself in alot of similar circumstances when I was an adult.I--had alot of problems when I was 13 due to a parent flipping out and I endend up having a 24 year old boyfriend and this parent didn't care ......had 2 kid's before 18 and now I am wondering if all of that can disappear for a while and come back stronger as far as mental issues......even if your living your life by the book(in a sense). I have been battling depression , anxiety, and unknown possible auto-immune difficulties. Please if you have any advice as to what is causing this or how I could fix it.........I will be eternally grateful, Missmelis

Answer 1

What you first need to know and realize is that none of what happened to you in the past is your fault. I was molested by one of my uncles also and have overcome that & am living my life to the fullest. One of the biggest issues with those of us who have gone thru this horrible thing is not being able to forgive and this will wight heavy on our lives causing us to always dwell in the past and not be able to move forward. You also need to learn to love who you are and not let the things that were done to you cause you to think that that is the way love is expressed. You are your own person, there is nobody in this world that will ever make you feel complete, nor should you let anyone decreat you. Once you start to believe in yourself and realize that you do have the streangth within you to overcome anything, then you will be able to move forward and feel complete, and although there are people that love you and will be more to come, you will still be strong durring those times when you are alone because you have learned that you alone hold the answers and strenght to stand alone. Remember, this is always easier and less painfull to go thru when you alone decide to stand firm but alow God to help you stand thru it all and lead you forward, leaving the past where it should stay.... in the past.

Answer 2

I am another survivor of sexual abuse. I understand some of where your coming from, I also have two kids, though not until I was in my twenties, and two husbands to go with them, one of whom has two autoimmune diseases, Crohn's and rheumatoid arthritis.

If you didn't have problems, I would be worried. Depression, anxiety, etc. are your minds way of trying to cope with the stuff life throws at you. If you're still trying to cope with the abuse (You don't ever get past it, but you can learn to accept it) there's a group called Survivor's of Incest, Anonymous, you can search them on the web. I've never gotten involved with them because I'm not comfortable with 10 step programs (if God wanted us to let him tell us what to do, I figure he wanted have given us free will in the first palce). But I also have family and friends who are also survivors. The most important thing you can do is find other survivors to talk with.

I wish I had some answer for why these things happen. I believe in reincarnation, but I don't believe that the stuff that happens in this life is punishment for past wrongs. That's blaming the victim and excusing the victimizer. The best I can do is quote the old saw: the good people get rained on because the bad people stole their umbrella. Unfotunately that doesn't explain things like disease.

I agree with what several other people, have said, that you need to get help, but you need the right kind of help. Most clergy won't understand where you've been or where you're coming from, and neither will most psychs and counsellers, though they should at least have more training in how to deal with it then clergy. Some will understand, and if you can find one, hold on with both hands.

I don't think there is anyway the problems can disappear, but if you can find a way to take a break, a time when you can think about something you enjoy, and not your problems, if can be a big help. Take a vacation, leave the kids with someone you trust. A weekend away will be plenty. Don't go sit on a beach, do something. Go to museums, plays, concerts, clubs, what ever you enjoy. If you can't get away, then start scheduling a few hours each week where you can go to an art class, or the library, or take a hike. Time where you can relax and not worry. I go out to the mall with a friend once a week, we window shop, try on clothes we have no intention of buying, and have girl time. Sometime jusst knowing I have that to look forward to can get me through the week.

The most important thing: when your really stressing and panicing, stop and remind yourself to breathe.

Good luck, I wish I could do more to help.

Answer 3

That's terrible that so many bad things have needlessly occurred in your life.

Mean people are more prevalent than any other time in recent history. In my opinion, two things in modern-day society have caused these forms of deviant behaviour: the sadistic "war culture" that really began with World War II, and the motion picture industry, which falsly portrayed reality and reprogrammed the growing minds of the baby boom generation in the 1940s and 1950s.

Depression and Anxiety are very similar because they deal with anger that is directed inward. When an introverted person is wronged by an extroverted person, the introvert turns his or her energy inward in order to try to "re-live" the moment, subconciously rehearsing the moment over and over and over, trying to make the past somehow go away; but in reality, by dwelling on these issues, the cycle becomes mentally tiresome, and very unhealthy.

No psychologist in the world can completely solve the problems relating to a bad upbringing and related issues. The only way to deal with it is to confront the people who have wronged you in your life. That is the only effective way to find true inner peace. This is never easy, though, because most people are programmed at an early age to respect authority figures and to not question our elders. But once a person finds the inner strength to face the ugly people from the bitter past, a veil will be raised from the line of vision.

Be brave, be strong, and seek the truth.

God Bless

Answer 4

Please find someone to talk to. A pastor, a counselor, a therapist, someone. You have been through a lot. It would be hard for anyone to deal with.

It sounds like you had no support system growing up. You can be the best person ever, but still deal with mental issues due to what you went through. I have a good friend who went through horrible abuse when she was little. She is now in her mid twenties and she is becoming an angry person. Her mother was told that when she grew up the anger from the abuse would come out. And it is. Her temper flares very easy.

I know it would be hard to open up to someone, but you need to find someone to do that with. It's not your fault that all of that stuff happened to you when you were little. But it is up to you how you deal with it as an adult. It is up to you to find a way to heal and live your life to its fullest without drowning in your past.

I hope this helps you. I hope that you find a counselor. I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 5

We live in a depraved world. The Bible describes this as the result of sin. Everyone of us experiences evil in this world, unfortunately youu have experienced more than most, yet others have experienced much worse than you have. Having a lot of sex with different partners without the security of a marriage/commitment is definitely going to worsen the situation, your health, and your overall mental well being. So quit it until you get yourself together.

God gave us rules not to to be a killjoy, He gave us rules to protect us because only He know how we function to certain types of external stimuli. A lot of specific external stimuli will mess us up, cause a whole lot of problems and eventually destroy us. Rules to avoid all these issues are found in the Holy Bible. Get one and check it out.

Answer 6

I'm sorry to hear about all of those things, that is a lot to deal with. From what I know, the problems you've been dealing with sound very typical of someone who had a childhood like yours. Have you ever heard of a book called You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay? I've read it and I think it might really help you. Best wishes.

Answer 7

You should definitely see a therapist. IMO a therapist is not someone to pour out all of your feelings and troubles to and they take care of it for you. A therapist is someone who can teach you how to analyze your feelings and troubles and how to deal with them in the best way for you. Don't get me wrong, you will tell them your feelings and troubles, but no one can take care of it for you. You have to work through it yourself, and it is extremely hard. If you persevere you will have a much better outlook on life and a much healthier mental attitude, attracting mentally healthy people to you and also helping your children to be more mentally healthy. Sexual abuse in childhood can cause all of the symptoms that you are experiencing, especially if you have never gotten counseling for it. It will be hard, I know, I've been there. It took me years, but eventually I got to the point where I could analyze my own feelings and figure out where they were coming from, and how to help myself. Good Luck

Answer 8

Tell tale signs, being hot when it's cold, and vica versa....snapping like a twig and tell your significant other you're not the one yelling bloody murder. Ummmm.....having to use the toilet more often than usual, number one and two...*thinking hard* being the only one in the room crying over a stupid movie....I'm just guessing, LOL Worst Midlife Issues, I'd have to say women.

Answer 9

You need to understand that all adversities will make you stronger...you are one of THE strongest out there. So act like it!

Don't take sh%t from anyone..stand up for yourself and let the world know that YOU are important and that you expect dignity...do so and your life will change!

Answer 10

That's a very complex situation. See a counselor, psychiatrist, or some certified specialist of the sort. They will give you some form of advice. They're professionals.