facing the death of a sister through cancer?

Question

I've recently been faced with the fact my younger sister is very ill with advanced cancer and quite likely to die soon, anybody who had been through similar circumstances, can you please tell me how you coped and what you can do?
thanks in advance

Answer 1

Firstly, I'd like to let you know that you're not alone in the situation you are in. I have a lot of experience working in hospice (care for the terminally ill) and I have seen many heartbreaking situations. I have witnessed the passing of those as old as 100, and too, I have seen children as young as age 2 pass away.

The grief process is very complex, and people deal with grief in many different ways. Try to remember the good times, and remember that it isn't your fault what is happening to your sister. It's so hard to understand why this had to happen to your loved one, and it's easy to feel alienated and alone. You eventually accept what has happened, but that doesn't make it any simpler.

I would suggest getting into contact with a hospice support group, it may help you a great deal.

Best Wishes

Answer 2

I went through the death of my grandmother. I understand how painful it can be, but the most important thing to remember is that you're not alone.
Your sister has probably suffered a lot through the medicines and the side effects. Although the last days may be difficult, at least she will no longer be in such pain anymore. You can't go back in time and stop what happened, but you can wish for her pain to cease. Try to make her last days as tolerable as possible, if she's still awake and conscious. Let her know how much everybody loves her, but don't talk about death at all. Just try to clear her mind of negative things and make her feel loved. I know it's difficult, but try not to plead for things to have been better. When my grandma went into a coma at the very end, I said, "no grandma, don't leave me! I love you too much for you to leave!" Although she didn't hear me, it would've been better to let her go calmly.

It helps if you believe in an afterlife or in heaven. I believe at the end, a person's soul slowly leaves the body and hovers above the body for a while before the breathing stops. At least, that's one theory and that's how it felt on her last day. Try to get some closure, and remember that your sister will probably hear everything you say even if she isn't awake. Only then, she'll hear it without pain to block out everything.

It's also good to know what to expect. Death through cancer isn't the bloody ordeal that the movies might have you expect. It is simply a gradual fading away.

I coped with it with difficulty, since I was only 14 at the time, and afterwards I couldn't stop saying "no, no, no..." But as an adult, try to look at the grand scheme of things. If your sister knew that she was loved, and if she is in complete peace after her death, then it's not so horrific. Don't be afraid to lean on your family members for support.
Life will continue no matter what happens, so make her feel loved and closure shouldn't be so impossible.

Answer 3

First of all don't give up. Last May, my mother's doctor told her she had 3 months to live. God thought otherwise.
I've been through this was mom and I lost my father to cancer when I was 13 (20 years ago). Just take each day at a time, enjoy your life with her and help her to enjoy hers too. None of us has any guarentee we'll be here tomorrow, each day is a gift.
I know it's a difficult time for you right now but don't borrow the pain before it happens. When and if it happens will be soon enough to start healing.
I didn't cope well with my dad dying. I knew he was going to die and no one would tell me the truth about it. I didn't go to the hospital very much because it was so hard seeing him. The last week of his life, I didn't go up to see him at all. I still feel guilty over that and always will. I was so focused on him dying I forget he was still alive. I'd give anything to have that last week back with him, just so I could tell him how much I loved him.
Bless you both.

Answer 4

I'm sorry to hear that hon any one dealing with losing a loved one or faced with that is horrible. My 24 year old sister is healthy so far but my 20 year old sister is dying of chromes disease it is very hard to see her suffer and all of the weeks on ends she spends at the hospital and ongoing surgery's it never gets any easier i wish i could tell you it did i know its coming i wish god would heal her shes my sister losing a sister has got to one of the hardest things ever in life. My mom was diagnosed with cancer in her reproductive system as well as bone cancer after she had my
sister she wanted a boy so she had my brother then went through a complete hysterectomy and all kinds of kemo therapy they gave her 4 months to live the cancer went in remission and has been for 19 years keep your faith baby and know thatGod will only take her when he is ready for her and if she leaves this world know that her pain will be gone and she will then have wings Good luck

Answer 5

Hello Shay,I'm sorry to hear of your situation.I see someone has said not to have a long face and that is important.You may see people arguing who don't normally do so,you should not join in or even give an opinion here.Try to think of how you might be able to do something of a practical nature to help in the house,it doesn't matter what;when my father was ill my brother would call to do the dishes and I would call to do electrical work-I put in three phones!Ask for guidance from the staff who are treating your sister and don't forget that you are not alone.Jeff

Answer 6

I was care giver for my father-in-law who died at a young age from advanced cancer.
I spent the time with him always aware that were our rolls reversed, i would NOT want a bunch of long faces around me.
I was determined to NOT MOURN someone who was not gone yet!
Give love and share - let her lead through these steps of the "saying goodbye". It is about HER final moments on this side of life - don't waste them grieving before it's time.
I prayed a lot privately for strenghth and courage to be what He needed at the time also.
We are all terminal - just some maybe more so than others.
God Bless you as you take this journey.

Answer 7

If it's not too late I suggest try this organisation, scroll down to Jenny Boys Herbalist, she has found a herbal tincture that has proven to cure cancer in many cases...it's taken as a tea..also contact them,maybe they can't help..I'm really sorry. sometimes things happen & we have to accept it's the will of God & we don't understand the reasons why. Just accept the outcome whatever happens & think she'll go to a better place & our spirits never die, we merely pass over to the other world. All will be well...pray for her & say; God I leave her in your loving hands.
lots of luv & hugsxxx

Answer 8

I am very sorry to hear about your sister's illness. This is a very tough thing to go through. My mum died of cancer recently and it has been very hard for me. She was my best friend apart from being my mum. In my hometown Gibraltar there arn't any chemo clinics so my mum had to travel every 3 weeks to the Royal Marsden Hospital in the UK for her treatment of chemo. I always travelled with her, I had to leave behind my husband and four children and when ever we left we did not know when we were coming back as sometimes her blood had infection and she could not have her chemo. This was very distressing but I did not mind going with her as i knew that i had to spend all the time with her i could. My mum needed me there. I knew that when my mother passed away I had all the time in the world to spend with my husband and kids. Be there for your sister she needs you. I know it is difficult but try and stay strong and positive for her and if you need to cry, cry all you want but never in front of her. Your sister is in my prayers. God Bless you all. If you need to talk do not hesitate to email me.

Answer 9

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. The best thing you can do is take things one day at a time. Just get through each day as it happens. There will be good days and not so good days, but don't waste your time worrying about the future. Just be there with your sister, spend time with her, be strong and help her out however you can. Sometimes your presence is the best gift you can give.

Answer 10

Sorry but still grieving from the loss of my 3rd partner that was 6 years ago that was through breast cancer they say time is a healer but 2 partners since then has done nothing time is not a healer memories i think are I think about all the good times AND SMILE LIKE I AM NOW
MY THOUGHTS ARE WITH YOU AND MAY YOUR GOD BE WITH YOU AND YOUR FAMILY AT THIS TIME IN YOUR LIFE