Do you believe that if your child bites, you bite back....?

Question

I have heard that if a child hits or bites you you should show them how it feels. My 3 year old daughter slapped her baby brother on the face 2x and then I slapped her on the cheeck - not hard but to show her - I feel terrible about it. She is going through those terrible 2's/3's. I wish I hadn't done that (slapping her on her face) but then other people have said that it is good way to teach them - do you agree or disagree???

I am a mother to 3 and I feel bad enough about slapping her on the face - I don't need to feel worse. I just wanted opinions and suggestions on how to help the situation NOT personal attacks!

Answer 1

if she slapped the baby then you did the right thing.i dont always agree with physical punishment but she could hurt the baby unintentionaly and needed to know what she was doing hurt the baby.as far as biting goes...i have heard good and bad about it.i myseld did it with my first kids hopping it would work but it didnt.it just made me feel horrible.i didnt do it with any more of my kids.even if you conclude you mad a mistake or get bashed by others remember no mother is perfect.ask your own mother i bet shes got some stories to tell and you are fine.kids recover very well.as long as there is not abuse going on its ok.sometimes as moms we make spur of the moment decisions we have to our job calls for this,but we may look back and regret that decision.it does not make you a bad mom to mess up occasionaly.i dont feel you did but i garuntee someone will.no ones right or wrong here,everyone is different.you obviously were concerned for your younger child.that is natural to protect the more vulnerable one.forgive yourself if you feel bad.i have made mistakes too and dwelling on them can affect your mood which would be worse for your daughter.say sorry to her if you feel the need talk to her,even though shes young and you think she wont get...you just might be surprised.have her apologize or give the baby a kiss.then you and her hug and kiss and reasure her of your love but you love baby too and dont want baby to be hurt.i hope this helps!

Answer 2

Yes, I guess I'm kinda old school. Its a fast way to teach them. And actually I've never bitten my son back, but I will slap him. He is just too young to do the timeout stuff. One of those lessons that must be clear so when they go to play group, park, preschool, ect, they don't try any of that. I once saw a mom go totally kung-fu over a playground bite. Not cool. Especially with those blood born diseases. I hear at my daughters preschool biting gets you expelled. Although I will say it depends on the child... A stern look stops my daughter in her tracks but my son will just glare right back.

Answer 3

Strongly vehemently disagree-one does not discipline, teach appropriate behaviour by doing the behaviour we are attempting to discourage for by doing the behaviour you are saying its ok to do this. A child will NOT, especially a 3 year old who does not have the maturity, reason Gee that hurts and then feel empathy,regret at causing her brother this hurt. I know adults who do not have this maturity, are capable of having this empathy and understanding.The proper way is to say NO , WE DO NOT BITE and then impose a disciplinary(NOT Punishment-which biting back is-giving pain for pain) action on to the child. Designate a bad behaviour place in you home-in your view for it is a 3 yr old child and whenever the child(ren)act in a inappropriate manner they go there for approx 5 minutes(time not as important as that they know they go there for they acted wrong then before they leave the Bad Behaviour Place must tell you they are sorry.I am referring to children for can apply the same behaviour technique to the 2 year old. Along with this plan it is vitally important that the appropriate behaviour is recognized and acknowledged back to the child-when the child acts well tell them and that you are proud of them.This is commonly referred to as Positive Reinforcement.More than anything children want attention,love from their parents and they will learn to act in the manner that gets them the most attention. Parents who pay the most attention by fussing will get behaviour that will cause them to fuss-the child getsattention and vice versa-parents who talk to their children of their progress,their efforts will get that type of behaviour. Forgive yourself for your intention was not to hurt your child but just listened to very bad advice thinking it was the right advice.The only effect the slap had was that now your daughter knows you can inflict pain and perhaps cause resentment of the brother for it was because of him her mom caused her pain and that should show you how damaging this can eventually become.The Super Nanny(TV Show) has a book can get Borders,Walden Books etc that is a excellent guide and well worth getting by any Mom that has very small children for it is now that the teaching is so important). I comment you for wanting to learn and reaching out for answers.

Answer 4

Biting a child or slapping her anywhere except on the butt is child abuse in most states. You need to give her time outs and use the word no and then take her from her baby brother or from you. She is old enough to understand No biting and no hitting (although you led with a very poor example!!)

Please take a parenting class or read a parenting book. Do not lose your temper again.

Answer 5

yes i believe maybe if they bite you should do the same back to them only in a not so big bite but slapping in the face i would properly just smack a bottom and send to time out for 5 mins it depends on the age of the child.

Answer 6

Biting back or hittng back does not teach your child to stop, your child will think if Mommy can hit or bite me it is ok to bite and hit. I would be firm and tell her NO, and put her in time out or the naughty chair, she sits there for 3 minutes, a minute for every age. I would have her tell you she is sorry for biting or hitting. Try it, it really works. I have a two year old and she bit a little boy, while I was conforting the little boy, she put herself in the time out chair. Your daughter will grow out of this stage, be patient but firm with her. Best Wishes.

Answer 7

That's what I've heard from others and I have tried it. It has worked for my 2 year old. He was wanting to slap when he got angry and we would at a moderate pressure slap him back --nothing too hard. It got his attention. We explained to him that it's not nice to slap and it actually hurts others, as he just learned. He hasn't slapped in quite a while...

In the end, you have got to do what's best for you. Each of us have our own thought and feelings on childrearing, but as long as you do things in the best interest of your child, then you'll be okay.

Good luck!
Jen

Answer 8

Don't agree.
1.If it's ok for you to bite her, why wouldn't she learn that it's ok for her to bite?
Like hitting, I think the only message it gives is that it's ok for older or bigger people to do to younger or smaller people, and of course that's not the message you want to send.
Teach her how to use her word to say what she wants. And be attentive to her needs. Her world's been turned upside down and she's not old enough to understand.
2. She's how old? Too young to understand how her baby brother might feel, and too young to care.
She probably feels left out since she was the baby and now she not only has to share your attention, but she's no longer the baby.
Make sure you find a way to spend time with your attention focused just on her. And when she's acting like a good big sister, pile on the praise!
Good luck.

Answer 9

If she hits her brother you should give the little brother all the attention. It is called "pivot"- when you have two children- and one is doing wrong, you turn your attention away from the wrong doer-- and lavish all the attention to the "victim". When the wrong doer sees this she will want attention also. Make sure that you tell the "victim" how bad you feel that he was hurt and how mean it was. She will learn not to hit.
You should also stop the bad behavior, and redirect her to something else- give lavish praise when she does not do the bad behavior.

Answer 10

I agree only if the situation warrents it. My mum likes to tell my and my sister that when I was 5 and she was 3 she liked to bite me. My mum would punish her but it didn't do anything. One day she bit me on the back SO BADLY that I had blood running down my back. My mum was furious and terrified, so she took my sisters finger, put it in her mouth and bit her. She didn't do it hard or anything, but it not only terrified my sister, but me as well!

Ever since then we never bit another person.

It isn't so much the bite that scared my sister and myself, but the fact that my mum, this kind, wonderful woman, actually tried to bite my sister! Shock tactics work, just make sure it is in the right situation.