Am I inlove or in lust? Note- plese read full explination don't be quick to judge?

Question

I had a very crappy child hood. I lived with my dad from 9 to 15 years old. He has severe mental issues like he couldn't be anywhere withought me and he would constantly ask me Do u love me? The list goes on. He also was very abbusive and also a alcoholic. If u said or did something he didn't like he would begin to scream at the top of his lungs like a total phychopathe sometimes he would even throw things such as skillets at u plates the list goes on. Life for me was not only hard at home it was also mested up at school kids would constantly tease me and push me around. After a year of this mental abbusive I comepletely stopped giving a F about myself and everybody around me. I started dressing like a boy and eating like a total slob. Over the years like him I became extremely abbusive with extreme anger probs. Then it got worse, I started havin thhoughts of suicide.

Then I got tired of his abbusive behavior and moved in with my mom he is notn allowed anywhere near me he used to do things unimaginable to me. Anyways I have lived with my mom sense Jan of last year. My older bro who lives with us has a freind who comes over almost everyday. His freind is 23. The first conversation I had with him I instantly fell for him had crush. At the time which was feb of last year I was tomboy then after I met him I started dressing like a girl trying to get him to notice me an acted more feminine . I started going to scholl and everything and started caring about life again he always listens to mew and he can get me to smile. I had very hard life and then this amazing man got me to care again about myself. He awoken something inside of me that I thought was gone forever. i started making moves on him and I told him how I feel. He has feelings

for me as well as time passed. I know what your thinking im to young to be inlove but this man makes me so happy and I know he has feelings for me as well. I have made moves on him he hasn't on me. I have touched him 3 times on his hand, on his arm and on his back. One time I exposed my breast to him. I did this all by my personel choice. Everytime we lock eyes we smile at one another. My child hood was plain crappy he is a wonderful man. He IS WILLEN TO WAIT TILL IM 18 to have intercourse. He has awakened my spirit and has changed me into a person that i thought would never be again. I think i love him but i don't know but i feel that i love him
If a bullet ever came flying at him I would duck infront of him. I would sacrifice myself for him. We get along so much we have never disagreed on anything. Its like we have known eachother are whole lives.

I am turnin 17 this year he will be 24

I feel that I can never live withought him. We are both very mature for are age we are both virgins

I never stare at other guys neither

Answer 1

You definitely have some major issues and probably won't find enjoyment in life until you deal with them. There was much sadness in your childhood but with professional help you should be able to move forward and find happier days ahead.

PS - Am I in love or in lust with who????

Answer 2

i think that maybe due to the emotional abuse you suffered at the hands of you father. (a man you are supposed to be able to trust and rely on). now that u r no longer in that situation your life isnt the same. I think that you night jst have attached yourself to the first guy that has shown any interested in you because you like the way you feel knowing that there is someone out there that is attracted to you. You jst want to feel loved and that what your father did and sed was unjustified. You probably jst want to feel special and wanted by someone/ anyone who is willing. and i dont think that ppl should judge or criticize you for these feelings. But i wld suggest that you talk to someone who can help you more than i can.

Answer 3

wow I had the exact same childhood only mine lasted the whole time til i was18. I dont really understand your question tho. I've learned how to love after all of that but it was hard and i definetly had some trust issues. I'm 26 now. I had to love myself first. And that was way hard but no life is worth losing and if you're already on the bottom then all you can do if go up. Right? Goodluck

Answer 4

You have feelings for eachother. That's a beautiful thing....it may not last forever, (because you are both so young) but enjoy it while it lasts and learn how to love somebody in a healthy way.

The bigger issue is yourself. Remeber, your past doesn't equal your future. Do what you can to control your low self esteem and anger issues. You must work on this everyday of your life. And never, ever try to find worth in a relationship, find it within yourself.! Good luck to you!

Answer 5

What the question?
So, it seems like you are saying that you 'think' you are in love with this man, but you aren't sure. Seems like if he is willing to wait for yo u to turn legal, that's a really awesome thing. I say just relax, there is nothing more you can do, be patient, and when you do turn 18 DO NOT have sex with him, make sure he isn't just trying to snag a virgin, wait to make sure he really is in love with you. You guys can flirt and build an awesome friendship-THEN go onto the sexual stuff.

I say if you hav to ask if you are in love or lust it's more likely you are just in lust. Have you asked yourself what love is to you? Do you have standards set so that you aren't settling for just anyone? Love yourself first, I think things fall into place after that.

Answer 6

Webster describes lust as a million) out of date a: excitement, delight b: very own inclination : choose; 2) usu. severe or unbridled sexual choose : lasciviousness; 3) a: an severe longing : yearning b: enthusiasm, eagerness whilst i don't think that lust is mostly a sin, I do think of that love and lust have not something to do with one yet another. you could lust after somebody you will on no account love, and you will additionally love somebody for whom you do not have lustful techniques.

Answer 7

get in touch with a psychologist, be truthful in what you tell them, it sounds to me like you have problems in accepting who you are. The feelings that you are having are a direct result of the childhood that you have had. Whatever you do, DO NOT KILL YOURSELF. The life that you have led, the feelings that you have towards yourself and your father can be corrected, it just may take some time.

Answer 8

I'm assuming this isn't your full explanation, but you being abused and all, seriously, you have to learn to love yourself before you can truly love someone else. You don't have to forgive your father, but you have to have self confidence. You will find love. Try not to worry about it too much.

Answer 9

Sounds at lot like my child hood sweetie,I wish I could give you a hug!Things will work out,just stay strong, and hold your head up high.

Answer 10

before you go and do anything (i actually understand the question) get your psycological problems fixed and MAKE SURE HE ISNT JUST TRYING TO WARP YOUR MIND TO GET IN YOUR PANTS AND DITCH YOU AFTERWARD, but otherwise, there doesnt seem to be any problems... and try your best to say away from that ASSHOLE of a father, and if you can try t get him in prison where people like him should rot!