DBT - Dialectical Behavior Therapy and Self-Injury: Why can't I stop cutting? I keep hurting myself and no

Question

matter how hard I try to use healthy coping skills, I end up cutting and hate myself even more. I recently started DBT, but it does not seem to be working. Why can't I just stop hurting myself? I try to use healthy coping skills and get so distracted by my emotional pain and end up grabbing my cutting weapon. Can I really get better and stop cutting or is this how I will be forever? How long will it take before the DBT skills will start to work? I know I have to put them into action, but I am just in so much emotional pain, that I don't know how. Am I just worthless, or will and can DBT actually work. I am thinking of stopping it. Thanks for any help...

**Thank You to all who took the time to respond. All of the information I have received here has been helpful and most of it I was not aware was even available. Thanks so much. Everyone here has been so kind and non-judgmental. I really appreciate that. T-H-A-N-K~ Y-O-U

Answer 1

Call 1-800-DONT-CUT It's a hotline for cutters

Answer 2

I know how hard it can be to stop self-harming; there is almost an addictive quality to it and if it's something that you've been doing for a while it can be hard to break this pattern.

But it is possible to stop, just give yourself time. You say you just recently started so it can take time to learn these coping skills and stick with them. The important thing is that when you do "slip" and end up self-harming, don't put yourself down and think that you're a failure, because you're not. Plus this type of thinking only adds to the shame.

Since you learned to self-harm as a way to cope with painful feelings, it will take time to un-learn...just go easy on yourself.
Also, I know when I went through DBT there was phone coaching available whenever someone needed to check in with the therapist and get some encouragement or support. So take advantage of that and call whenever you really feel like cutting. Be sure to talk to the therapist about your concerns too, so that they can help you figure out anything else that may be helpful.

Good luck to you. :)

Answer 3

I first want to say that I know what it is you are going through. I have been a cutter for 13 years, off and on. I have heard tell that there's no such thing as a cured Self-injurer, just one who is not hurting themselves right now.
I know the feelings, the pain and the guilt, and how good it feels to cut when it hurts, how the pain just goes away, but only for a minute, and then the guilt comes back, and the pain is stronger.
After 13 years of going through this, there are no cures. You don't say how old you are, but I don't think DBT works. The only thing that I have found that works is a support network, either personal or online. If you don't have friends you trust or can confide in, I would suggest checking out www.recoveryourlife.com it's a website devoted to self-harm and the recovery of SI (self-injury). There are so many supportive people there, most of whom have been through this.
My email is always available if you need to talk to someone. Talking to someone who understands is a huge incentive for support so I would be glad to hear from you.
Big hugs.

Answer 4

DBT has been clinically shown to work but you need to give it time. Think of it this way: your cutting has become a habit. You need to learn new habits, which is what the DBT is trying to do. Habits are slowly learned and the skills taught by DBT need to be used consistantly, not just once in a while. Kudos to you for trying to use your skills, I know that it is very hard to stop cutting. Please do not just stop the DBT, but if you do please continue to get help. Cutting does not go away on it's own (normally). Also talk to your counselor (or leader of your DBT group) about how you are feeling. You might need some more intensive therapy if what you are receiving isn't giving any relief. But you also have to remember that healing takes time. Do not expects results from yourself overnight. That will just lead to more negative feelings.

Answer 5

first off, i am sorry that your boyfriend upset you. it sounds like he is a jerk and he's not worth you harming yourself. i think you should tell an adult, that you feel comfortable with, that you cut yourself. you need help before this gets out of control. sometimes people cut because they're agitated or angry — even though they may not recognize that feeling. if that's true for you, it can help to do something calming when you feel the need to cut. here are some things you can try while waiting for a cutting urge to pass: call a friend and talk about something completely different. take a shower (make sure you don't have razors in the shower). go for a walk or run, take a bike ride, dance like crazy, or get some other form of exercise. play with a pet. watch TV (change the channel if the show gets upsetting or features cutting). take a bath (make sure you don't have razors near the tub). listen to soothing music that will shift your mood. try a breathing exercise. try some relaxing yoga exercises. i hope this helps!

Answer 6

Hi I used to be a cutter and it was really hard to give up but there are many other healthier to cope. I used to do DBT and at first I thought it was pointless but if you use the DBT skills they can help. Some things that helped me when I wanted to cut was to hold ice in your hand till it melts which hurts or use red marker to pretend to cut. They may or may not help but hang in there and give DBT a try hopefully it can help you like it helped me.

Answer 7

Cutting is a behavior, and one that you seem to have made a habit. Habits are Always difficult to break, but they CAN be broken! Breaking a habit is a Journey, not a quick trip, so be Patient with yourself! It takes Time & Practice to learn new coping skills. I suggest that you carefullly consider the following articles in your quest ...

Why Do I Hurt Myself?
http://www.watchtower.org/e/200601a/article_01.htm

You Can Manage Stress!
http://watchtower.org/library/g/1998/3/22/article_01.htm *

How Can I Stop Hurting Myself?
- The Value of Confiding
> The Importance of Prayer
- When Additional Assistance Is Needed
- Two Things to Think About
http://watchtower.org/e/200602a/article_01.htm

"You Must Pray This Way ..."
http://watchtower.org/library/w/2004/9/15/article_01.htm *

How to Find Real Happiness
> Think of Your Spiritual Needs
- Keep Your Life Simple
- Happiness and Self-Worth
- Hope--Vital to Happiness
http://watchtower.org/library/w/2001/3/1/article_02.htm *

Why Care About Spiritual Things? :
- Spirituality and Your Well-Being
- A Positive Link
http://watchtower.org/e/20040201/article_01.htm

Hope---Where Can You Find It? :
- You Can Fight Pessimism
> Where You Can Find Real Hope http://watchtower.org/e/20040422/article_03.htm

What Is Your Life Worth? :
- Life--Precious or Cheap?
> How Precious Your Life Is!
http://watchtower.org/library/w/2005/2/1/article_01.htm *

Notice also the related articles listed on the pages of these ^, and I strongly suggest reading the Scriptures referred to (they're only a click away!).

*(NOTE : These Web addresses may be modified soon. After that, each title can be entered in the Advanced Search engine at : http://watchtower.org/search/search_e.htm , which will give you links with their new URLs.)

Answer 8

Brenda,

Please slow down a bit. Since you're in DBT, you know the reason for it. Right now you're in a very stormy and impulsive condition brought on by the combination of your basic personality (which has sensitivities that many others do not) and your environment. The environment that engenders your condition has often been called an "invalidating environment," and this "worthless" feeling that you have comes from that. YOu've been in that environment for a long part of your life. It was a long time coming and it'll take time to get it under control. People have got it under control before you, and you can be one of them.

You've been given "mindfulness" exercises? Practice them. Remember that an emotion, while it feels true, isn't. It just IS. It is very real, but it's not necessarily true. Nothing will happen to you if you simply see and note it but do not follow where it leads you. Be patient with yourself, especially with your feelings. Though they are strong, they can do nothing to you without your consent. Breathe. Feel. Know what you are. Listen. Pay attention to yourself and to your body and let the feeling run its course. It will fade. Let it.

You have a support group? Can you call and talk to some of them? How about your support group leader? If you don't have a support group, can you get one? They are very helpful in giving you coping and interpersonal skills.

Yes, you can get better, but don't be impatient with your progress. It will take as long as it will take, but it can work if you stay with it. Don't give up.

How long have you been in DBT? Have you noticed that it takes longer to answer an objection in any argument than it does to make the objection? It takes longer to cure a problem than it does to get it, and that means that you ahve quite a while to go, but that doesn't mean that you will "always" be like this, or even that you'll be like this for a long time. You can get better gradually, which is not fun, but it means that you will be better next week or month than you are this week or month. Slowly, you'll learn how to handle and regulate your emotions.

Start with the mindfulness exercises. Take them seriously and do them at home, outside of the office. Do them more than once a day. Everything starts with mindfulness of your body, and then moves to mindfulness of your self. You will eventually find out how important and worthwhile you really are.

It's up to you, you know. While many can be of great help to you, you are the one who has to do the work. The biggest obstacle to handling your condition is "patient compliance," that is, young ladies like yourself (the majority of these cases, by the way) become either frustrated or discouraged and drop out of counseling.

Please don't. Keep it up though it seems to be going very slowly. It is going slowly, but everything worth doing takes a long time. Since you're worth helping, it will take a while, and it will seem like a long time, for you to get better.

But you will get better if you stay with it and keep at it. I've seen it work. In fact, I'm presently helping a young lady here through her own issues with this condition, and she, too, has felt discouraged, but she is getting better. In fact, we had a breakthrough just yesterday, after about six months of working with it. There's still a long way to go, but she has more hope now than she's had for a long time.

So will you. Keep at it. There is hope.

Answer 9

If this is something that you have been doing for a while, it could take a long time.

The basic equation is this. 1/2(the amount of time the behavior has occurred) - so if you've been cutting for 4 years, it could take 2 years for you to become fully treated.

Be patient. Keep up the therapy. You have the desire, so you WILL win over this!

Answer 10

According to studies of DBT, it's a longterm process. Like 2 yrs and longer long-term.

Answer 11

You have to figure out what is causing the emotional pain and deal with it in other ways.I never cut but I did use drugs for many years to cope.I finally started writing down the reasons I used and what hurt and found different ways to deal with them.Some as simple as screaming out loud and others as in depth as writing down all the things that ever hurt so I could let them go.It may sound lame,but anything is better than cutting.Good luck