Where should I look when I'm talking to someone? Should I make eye contact the entire time?

Question

I have a huge problem with talking to people. I'm always very nervous and the words tend to come out jumbled and not at all how I meant them. So, it doesn't help that I have no idea if I should make eye contact, or for how long. Would it be impolite to just stare at their face? Or would looking away seem like I'm not listening? I tend to go back and forth, and worry way too much during the conversation about where to look. Please help.

Answer 1

I have the same problem and have found it most comfortable to look into their eyes about every 3 seconds or so and the rest of the time be looking to the side of their eyes like almost making eye contact but not exactly but easy to go right back to making eye contact. A constant stare into the eyes makes most people uneasy.

Answer 2

Kiss him? Seriously, though, I remember talking about this in a class once. Rules about nonverbals like eye contact, hand gestures, and "personal space" are usually dictated by culture. I remember one of my professors saying that certain cultures consider prolonged eye contact a sign of respect. But that's not true in Western culture, we tend to make eye contact for a few seconds, look away, then look back again several times during a conversation. So if this guy is from the same culture as you, then it's probably a Dwight Schrute-esque mind-control move.

Answer 3

This varies a lot according to culture and the situation. Some people would tell you constant eye contact is a sign of being assertive, but personally it freaks me out when people do that to me. If you look at their face in a more general way while they're talking, maybe occasionally right in the eyes, it's more natural in my opinion. There's nothing wrong with looking away from time to time. When you want to be sure to make the right impression, like a job interview situation where they expect you to stare them in the eye (I hate that!) what I do is try to memorize the exact colour of the person's eyes.

Answer 4

Stare 5 feet behind them, straight through the eyes.
I feel akward as well, and I try to position myself at a angle, kinda shoulder to shoulder so that neither is right in front, which body language says confrontational.
Glance at eyes periodically, being careful not to stare at features too much, cause that makes them self concious.
Only serious talks require alot of eye contact.
If you are afraid they think you are not listening, just be sure to give feedback, like yeas or uh hu's and you should be fine.
Good luck, and the stare thing was a joke. Unless you are looking at their soul

Answer 5

What i do is keep eye contact most of the time if you keep eye contact all the time you will make your friend nervous. They will think you are staring at them.That is a hard question. I quess the most important thing is to LISTEN to them..but don't be afraid to look away..at your food,if something is happening.If they are really,really telling you something critcal,something very important to them then keep eye contact but in regular conversation I don't think people really notice. Only if you stare or never look at them. Everyone wants to be heard.Relax!!

Answer 6

If you feel nervous and shy having eye contact, let the other person know. Otherwise, s/he would think you're being rude. When you talk with someone, eye contact means you're paying attention to what s/he says, so having eye contact means politeness and respect for ther other person. However, you don't need to have eye contact when neither of you is talking. I always keep an eye contact when I converse with someone, and I don't like it when the person I talk to avert his or her eyes. It makes me wonder if s/he isn't interested in what I say. If you really feel nervous having eye contact, maybe you could practice looking at yourself in the mirror pretending you're talking with someone. Hope this helps.

Answer 7

You should make eye contact but I don't think it should be for the whole conversation as that might make the person you are talking to uncomfortable. Just look at the person's face occasionally.

Answer 8

I know it's hard but try to always listen and talk with eye contact.
I've learned that people admire that and will compliment u on it if u make a habit of it. Start slow and before u know it itll be natural.
Also, u can tell if someone is insecure or if theyre hiding something if they constantly look around.

Answer 9

Understand you completely!
just talk to them and during the conversaton it is ok to look at their face,just let your eyes wonder through their faces. Yes, it is a sign of confidence to look in the eye, but I dont think constant is necessary or even comfortable,for neither one. if you want to give the imppression that you are looking in the eye just focus right in the middle(bettween the eyes) no one will know the difference!...
I alwasy talk to people and sometimes my eyes wonder around the room...I think everybody does that.

Answer 10

You should occasionally make eye contact, but it should not be constant. Sometimes when one is a little nervous, it is ok to say "I'm a little nervous at times talking to people" depending on the context and situation. This kind of statement expresses your inner feelings, and sometimes if the person you are talking to likes you, she/he will try to make you feel comfortable. Also use self-effacing humor to lighten up your tone. I used to be very nervous talking to people and sometimes, if I was speaking jumbled up, I'd say something "Am I making sense to you? Sometimes my thoughts race faster than my words. ha, ha, ha. Let me try to clarify. What I was really trying to say was...."