I have an idiot for a biological father, who never paid a dime, my mother never asked him, because she just wanted him out of her life and her childrens.. for that I am grateful..but I can't help but wonder if this is something a person should forget, or a person should go after, I am not a money hungry person, but after having a family of my own, I can't imagine a father not taking responsibility for his own children...I feel like my mother was not in a good place back then, she just wanted out, and I don't blame her,but I can't help but feel that this man who fathered 3 daughters should be able to go through life never having to be responsible, I have often felt unworthy of certain things in life, and I can't help but wonder if some or much wasn't to do with having a dead beat dad...if there are any lawyers out there that could offer advice, I would certainly appreciate it.... and any support, or suggestions from anyone would be great.. Is it greedy to want my dead beat dad to pay..
2007-01-19 12:27:14 · 20 answers · asked by jaspyjakeb 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Its not greedy, just unrealistic, I think you would be better off just letting it go.
2007-01-19 12:30:55 · answer #1 · answered by pepsiolic 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that if your dad never offered to pay all of those years, getting him to do it when you are an adult is going to be a lost cause. I am not even sure that you have legal standing to tell you the truth.
I would get some counseling if I were you. I am sure that feeling unworthy of things is a direct result of growing up without a father around. Children often put the blame on themselves.
The best thing that you can do to is to raise your children better than you were raised. Let them know that they are always loved, no matter what. Break the cycle! That is the best revenge... to be a better person than your father.
2007-01-19 12:36:35 · answer #2 · answered by flappymcp 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont think its even possible- if your mother didnt have an order on him there is absolutley no way you could get anything- however if he was in arrears then it would be possible- but statue of limitations could prevent it. There is no way to prove that he didnt help out if there wasnt an order- your mother should of went filed for child support.
Your mother made the choice of not wanting your father in your lives emotinally and financially- so you really cant call him a dead beat. Your mother made that decision for you.
My advice is to let it go and be a good parent to your children which Im sure you are because you know what it is like growing up with only mom.
Its not possible to go after him for money.
2007-01-19 12:35:31 · answer #3 · answered by Tbay56 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No it is not greedy. And I agree with you 100%.
The money however should go to your mom, for all her struggles.
I think it also depends on your age.
But at the same time, is it really worth it? And what would you really have accomplished? Would it not just be better to forget him and close that chapter of your life. You need to let go of the pain otherwise it will affect your future relationships.
My dad, deadbeat, is still in contact with me. After I graduated from college and got a job, he began to contact me telling me that I needed to help him financially because he was my father.
Somehow the fact that he stopped supporting myself and my siblings (since I was 5) has slipped his mind.
2007-01-19 12:43:52 · answer #4 · answered by mimi 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it's greedy to want your "sperm donor" to pay up. But, you might ask yourself if money is actually what your searching for. It is my guess, from my own experience, that if you had the choice, you would choose to have a father who was there for you when you needed him. Who cared enough to wipe your tears when you cried. Who cared enough to see that you had a warm bed to sleep in, and a warm house to wake up in. Who wanted to see the grades you got on your report card. Who came to your school plays, and parent teacher conferences. Who proudly displayed your drawings on the refrigerator in his house.
Even if you received a huge sum of money by taking him to court, I think the emptiness will still be there. In fact, I could almost bet on it.
You can't make someone love you. You just have to learn that some people have feet of clay. Some people are so self centered that they can just as easily walk away from their children without looking back, as they could walk away from a discarded pair of shoes.
Find a way to fill the hole in your soul. Having my own family has filled in, for the most part, the majority of the hole. Although the rough edges still remain. I have found that when I go to church on a regular basis, I no longer feel the void.
I wish you well. God Bless.
2007-01-19 12:51:46 · answer #5 · answered by jmiller 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As hard as this may be, I think that you need to find a way to forgive your father. You will not forget, I know.. But you must forgive. It is a hard thing to do but it will be better for your own self. It will do you good. So try to let it go, move on, and just ACCEPT that some people are not responsible, and some people will never realize what you have realized. I would not do anything about it. Be strong and move on. Let it go.
2007-01-19 12:36:58 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should absolutely go after your father. You can certainly hire a lawyer but you can also go the the District Attorney's office to file the necessary paperwork. If they approve your case they will garnish your fathers wages. If he is now retired the DA's office will give you options available. It may be necessary for you to hire a lawyer at that time. Should that be the case the DA's office may have a list of attorney names but you should also reach out to your church, friends and trusted associates. They may also be able to provide names of trustworthy attorneys. Good Luck to you - stay strong and focused and you will persevere.
2007-01-19 12:37:23 · answer #7 · answered by RITI 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it is. Child support belongs to the mother to take care of her child, it doesn't belong to the child. I don't think you can legally get any money from your dad. Its probably too late for her to get any back child support from him now that you are an adult. Plus, if he never paid before, what makes you think he'll pay now? Just realize that he's a dead-beat and leave it alone.
2007-01-19 12:33:09 · answer #8 · answered by Katie 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
no you need to deal with your anger over your father, the money will not make you any less angry, try to reframe the experience, your father wa a good man, just a poor father, he would have treated any other child the same way, you could have had a father who treated you worse. You are a good person now and the experience you went through helped you to be the person you are now
2007-01-19 12:33:44 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
it sounds like you are a very bitter person. maybe you should seek some counseling to help you with these issues that stem from your dad not being there.
that being said---yes, i think you should seek some legal advice about this. it may or may not be too late,but it will not hurt to try.
maybe by facing your dad in a court room where he would have to explain himself to a judge would help also to relieve some of the built up anger and frustration from him not being there or supporting you.
2007-01-19 12:45:22 · answer #10 · answered by angel1 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
some justice and responsibility issue here. kind of like a criminal who gets away with some act and never is punished for it here on earth. earthly justice and heavenly justice. go for it if you want to. its a very personal decision...will it bring you peace or provide you an education or will something good come from collecting? then perhaps pursue it. dont do it for revenge though.
peace
2007-01-19 12:33:16 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋