Can anyone give me advise about handling a troubled 10 year old that's my step who lives with us?

Question

should i stay or should i leave

Answer 1

No one can answer that. You haven't told us HOW this 10 year old is troubled. We don't know if it's a problem that can be handled with a different approach than you're using, or if it's something much bigger.

Answer 2

Is the ten yr. old male or female?
What is the trouble?
What is your role in the house?
What are the bio-parents doing to help the youngster?

If it comes down to whether you leave or the kid leaves, obviously, its you. I don't have enough info to answer your question.
Stepping a ten yr. old is like being an uncle or an aunt. You can't walk in there and parent. The kid has parents. Your job is more mentor/friend. Just steer clear and aim for friends. The best you can do. The more stable, calm, and routine the household is, the more the child will calm down. Whatever you do, don't argue or discussing each other's parenting in front of the kid. They need to know what to expect, what is expected and to be part of the solution. They don't need to see the adults freaking out. In a divorce, the kids have no control over anything, but feel a great deal of responsibility for everything. They act out. They take out anger at their bio-parents on the step-parent. They can't express what is the matter and can be impossible. There is a LOT of info out there on how to handle kids, how to step, how to mesh this.

One thing I can tell you from having a VERY diificult, challenging child who is now a wonderful, SUPER kid I love to be around, encouragement is everything. Catch that kid being good no matter how rotten he/she is. Punishment has been proven over and over since the beginning of time not to work, but some praise and reward works and encourages repeat performances. Don't get so caught up with how much of a terror this kid is that it is all you see. Look for small improvement. Praise it. It can turn it all around. Be real. Say what you mean. But do find something nice to say more often than you criticize. You'll be amazed. So many times it is not the kid, but the parents who are troubled. Whether you stay or whether you go, I wish you the best.

Answer 3

if it has come to the point that you are ready to get out of the marriage then i don't know how much can be done.
i too have been in your shoes. try family counseling. although it is hard for children to go through a divorce, if they are smart children they will use this to their utmost advantage. they will milk it for all it is worth and usually come out with exactly what they want.(because the parents feel bad about the divorce, then they proceed to give the child every material thing they want)
my step daughter did not live with us but caused enough trouble the 3 days she was there to last a long time.
if you have an exact question feel free to e-mail me, I'll do my best to help.

Answer 4

If you love your significant other..then you will stay to work it out through this. I'm sure it is very difficult dealing with the step children. They probably have a hard time adjusting to their parent seeing someone else other than their birth parent. I think the best thing is try getting to know the child. Find out his interests and maybe take him/her out to an activity that they would enjoy doing. This way, they will begin to open up to you and you can begin your relationship.

Answer 5

I think you should observe this person, try to figure out what's the real problem. If your observation tells you something is not right and it is something that you can't help. Stay out of it. And move on with your life with more productive ones. May you have a wonderful year.

Answer 6

Hey, its never easy dealing with a step child.They don't look at you as their parent and you are stuck with dealing with how they were raised that you had nothing to do with,
I dealt wit this myself and can tell you there is only one way to deal with this.
You have to remind your spouse that you are in need of respect just as much as they are and that your feelings and rules are just as important as theirs.I did this and stuck to my guns on it and before long things got better.Cause you see if your spouse isn't going to back you up and admit that there needs to be a common ground of set rules and respect that you both agree on than your spouse don't respect you either and therefore will never expect their kid to give it to you either.If that's the case than you let them know you refuse to live the rest of your days under that kinda situation and let them know you will be moving on.Other wise plan on living the rest of your life in hell!

Answer 7

this age kids just like to have fun so i suggest putting him in a hard and tiering sport that he enjoys and not yelling to him yelling only makes them mad and want to do bad things, try to be nice and if he still doesent like you and accept you then its something else like hes been afected and been hanging around with the wrong crowd. dont leave your obstackles or youll get pulled over the side wich will be worse it also depends how long you have been there.

Answer 8

if you need advise, it's most likely you wont take it. i say leave.

Answer 9

whip him/her hard and make him/her stop or else i will see u on the jerry springer show...........

Answer 10

stay. don't let him/her 'win'