Grandma a good sitter or not given the situation?

Question

I have three kids ages 9,8, and 2. I am leaving a 6 yr relationship with my youngest childs father who has been keeping the children while I work and attend school. I gave him 30 day to move out b/c of his constant mental abuse, I have stayed b/c childcare became an issue when add the two yr old financially. My ex's mother who lives on a fixed income offered to babysitt in my home if I pick her up and drop her off at home. I intially turned the offer down b/c I was not sure that if I ended the relationship how she would feel. Now I don't care and in need of a reliable, affordable sitter and who better than family. Problem is how to keep her son out of my home while I am away. Grandma is a softy and do not want him having accsess to my home while I am away. I am dating someone new and not exactly sure of how she would perceive the situation. I work 12 hr shifts overnight and attend class at a university an hour each way from home. Would grandma be a good idea?

Answer 1

Honestly I wouldnt have her babysit. You run the chance of your ex whining to his mom about the situation and her not meaning to do anything wrong lets him in and he has access to your home and kids. If its finances that is teh issue, go to your state DHS (Department of Human Services) and get some assistance with child care until you can do it on your own. Thats only my opinion though. Hope it helps some. Take Care.

Answer 2

no. Regardless of the situation, if you have ANY doubts at all you should never let that person baby sit. These are you children, and you need to be 100% comfortable with who you leave in your home and with your kids. And in this situation, you work and go to school too far away to come home in an emergency. I work 3rd shift too, so i know how difficult finding a sitter is not even adding in the money factor. Considering a live-in may be a good idea if you have the extra room and time to dedicate to doing the proper search. Sometimes live in sitters have lower rates because your providing a place to live and meals and all that. Just make sure you check them out fully and get referals. A friend of mine does semi-live in sitting for a girl we both work with who also works 3rd shift. The sitter is only 19 and while she has her own room in the other womans home, she only stays there the nights she is sitting and doesn't charge much since she's only sleeping anyway.
If this isn't an option, could switching shifts at work and school be? if you work during the day its easier to find a sitter and then it wouldn't have to be in your home either. And if money is an issue, depending on your income, it is possible to get state assistance for childcare. (if you need it, do not let pride stand in your way).
If those aren't options either, consider moving in with another single mom who works a shift oposite yours, you watch her kids while she works and vice versa. And childcare trading doesn't have to mean living together, just the easier solution for overnight sitting.
There is always an answer, but using a sitter your not comfortable with for any reason, is never ever an option! Rack your brain, you will figure it out. good luck.

Answer 3

Sounds like it would be near impossible to find a sitter for those crazy hours. I think as long as you make your feelings absolutely clear to both Grandma and Dad this could be a real blessing for you. Assure them both that Dad can have visitation just not inside your home. Set up some times. If need be, go to court and get an order with clear visitation dates and times that are good for both of you. That way, if Dad is in your home he and Grandma would be committing a crime. I don't think Grandma would be so soft if it were illegal.

Answer 4

The way I see it is this, You need a babysitter who else is better than a grandparent? right? okay, but if you do , you MUST sit down with her and explain your situation, she is an adult and should understand how you feel, she needs to know you don't her son in your home and that you are dating someone and ask her if this is a problem? Let her decide if she can play by your rules or not..... Bottom line is you know you can trust her with your kids, so you have to explain things to her so will can understand where you are coming from. i hope everything works out for you.

Answer 5

If you have no other choice than you'll have to take her up on the offer. Otherwise try to find someone else or tell your ex he's no longer welcome in your home when you're not there. If he can't comply with your request than you probably have a bigger problem than just mental abuse like "a stalker" and if that's the case then you should be getting a restraining order on him. Sounds like you have enough going on without him snooping around. Tell him to leave civilly for the sake of your kids. They don't need to be in the middle of all the bullshit anyway.

Answer 6

I would find another babysitter. Your ex could be a problem and will never be out of your life if you let grandma babysit. I certainly would not forbid grandma from seeing her grandchildren, but letting her into your home day after day would only allow your ex free access to your home. I can only foresee problems if you go with her.

Answer 7

I say NO!! If you don't want your ex in your home, then keep his mother out. You said she is a softy --- so you know she will let him in if he comes over.

Even though it seems like a good solution, it is a very bad idea.

Answer 8

how do you find time for a new guy with 3 kids, full time job, school? while it does not address your initial question, maybe now is not the best time to be dating

Answer 9

Not if you don't want your ex inside your home she's not.

Answer 10

Hell No. Don't do it.