my daughter dreads visits with my ex. she cries and begs not to go. tonight, he and his live-in refused to take her blankie and babydoll with them when they picked her up - saying "she has toys at our house ." it isnt the girlfriend, he was always like this. help!
2007-01-19 10:37:06 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
Her blankie and baby aren't toys... they are her security. What a monster. Maybe next he will tell you she can go naked because "she has clothes at our house".... I hope he is proud of the fact that he can bully a little girl.
I am so sorry for her and you. Maybe you could get a Psychologist to suggest daytime visits only until he grows up a little.
2007-01-19 10:46:08 · answer #1 · answered by RaLoh 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can you have a calm talk with him and explain how a lot of young children have blankies and favorite dolls and how those are not about you or your house but about her attachment to those items?
Tell him to look it up on some parenting websites if its a matter of his wanting her to not have the blankie.
Can you then tell him that as long as she doesn't have those items she's attached to she'll won't be quite as happy as she is when she has them around? Then ask him if he thinks it would be nicer for her to be happier when she's with her father and not crying over not having a blankie? He needs to know she's going to associate him with not having those things that are, for now, important to her - and that won't help how she feels about him.
Can you tell him you understand that he has toys at his house, but this isn't about toys and a house; its about her attachment to those two particular items.
You could say, "If you don't believe me why don't you call her pediatrician's office and ask them."
You could tell him that you want her to enjoy going with him, and one way to help make that happen is just to let her take the things she wants to bring. It isn't that she doesn't like his toys (which, clearly, he has some emotional attachment to himself!). Its that she doesn't think her toys should be separated just because her parents are!
Sometimes a vet will even say to leave a blanket or other item the dog is used to with a dog if you have to leave your dog for a couple of days.
Can you mention to him that respecting her attachment to her own belongings is more important than drawing a line between what toys she can have at what house?
Good luck. (Maybe he's just stupid.)
2007-01-19 11:00:30 · answer #2 · answered by WhiteLilac1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your ex has a problem. The blankie is a comfort to her and I don't blame her for not wanting to go with him. You need to talk to him about the fact that the blanket and the doll are her sources of security and comfort and he is being maliciously cruel to his daughter by making them stay behind when he picks her up. If all else fails go talk to your lawyer, the court wants what is best for the child not for him and if her security and comfort are lacking when she is with him they can have an effect on his rights of visitation.
2007-01-19 10:56:08 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Next time ask him, in front of the girlfriend, to please let her take the blanket and baby and tell him that the doctor said (because the doctor would say) that she is having seperation anxiety and she should be allowed to have them with her if it is calming to her. Assure him that this is a phase that she will outgrow but that it is important that she not be traumatized by visiting his home otherwise, the doctor said, it could cause serious problems later when she starts going to school.
If nothing else the girlfriend might try to talk to him about it after they leave.
2007-01-19 11:24:43 · answer #4 · answered by Not Laughing w/ U 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know why they give visitation to creeps like that. just be careful that your daughter is not in any physical danger because I would have a hard time trusting his girlfriend watching my child too. he seems like a loser. is there anyone you can contact or ask to have visitations at least minimized? maybe buy a video camera and tape your daughter continually begging not to go by his place
2007-01-19 10:47:34 · answer #5 · answered by Lupita 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gosh, this sounds all to familiar. I had the same issue. The way I helped to explain it was, since there is transition from your home to his..it will help your daughter to transition to him easier. There is a part of you (per se) with her when she leaves you, this could be what upsets her the most. Children are very sensitive to scents and it could be her blanket smells like mom. Explain to him it might help your daughter feel more secure with this blanket and doll, regardless of what types of toys she has at his home.
2007-01-19 10:43:35 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well u need 2 sit down & talk with him or stop allowing your daughter 2 visit him
2007-01-19 10:44:55 · answer #7 · answered by tishygurl06 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he is cruel and mean, can you just not let her go there or do you have to. If she is crying and doesn't want to go there has to be some reason why.
2007-01-19 10:41:56 · answer #8 · answered by Stuck in the middle of nowhere 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't have to make her go then don't make her go. It sounds like he is mean and cruel. You are just putting her through misery and torture. Maybe not that extreme as torture but if she doesn't want to go then why make her?
2007-01-19 16:08:42 · answer #9 · answered by Andy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋