He has 4 grown children who I used to get along with just fine. However, the youngest (girl/24y/o) decided she hates me and doesn't want her dad to marry because she will get nothing when he dies. She hates me because I stopped giving her money. At the time she was living at home, trying to work. She cannot keep a job as she does not go more than a few days and calls in. She does not work, barely graduated high school (I put her in home school when she was 19) and has moved out with a BF of 1 month.
She cannot pay her rent because she refuses to work. Daddy has been paying for her share of the rent for 5 months including the money we both spent to get them into the apartment. Dad wants to shake her but he keeps giving in to her whining and repeated requests for money. He knows it is wrong but seems to think he needs to help her. Meanwhile, I have two grown children of my own, on their own, living with husbands, owning their own homes, etc. Quite the opposite of his children. His ex-wife and daughter tag team him about the daughter wanting money, please pay her phone bill, etc. The ex never worked either.
How can I get this to stop? I truly can't handle it. We’ve been together 5 years and he truly is my best friend. I think he feels guilty about the divorce, but his wife left him and left him with all of the children. The daughter in question was 5 at that time and was raised by him. She and I used to get along until I cut off the funds. Now I am just a fat B. Just so you know, none of her brothers or sister like her either. They all know how much she takes advantage of Dad. Dad knows it is wrong but somehow cannot be stronger than the continuous wanting of money. She told her dad she hates him. She gave him nothing for Christmas, but the mom got presents. She is rude, brings nothing to the table and just horrible to be around. HELP!
2007-01-19 10:17:10 · 13 answers · asked by Patti F 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
It's time for Dad to put his foot down and have a long talk with his baby girl about growing up and being a responsible adult. He needs to be the one to do it and he also needs to let her know that it is not you making him do this. She will definitely blame you if he doesn't. What it all boils down to though is that you have to stay out of it. These are his kids and he has to handle them. What you don't have to put up with is her disrespecting you. She would have lost some teeth if she called me a fat B. She obviously wasn't raised to respect her elders. If she doesn't respect you then she wouldn't come in my house. Talk to your husband and try to get him to take care of this ASAP. She is too old to be acting like this.
Oh yeah about her being upset that after he dies she will get nothing is too hilarious. That shows just how selfish she is. Being sad about her father dying someday is not what she cares about....Getting what's in his bank account and life insurance is on her mind. LOL!!!
2007-01-19 10:32:50 · answer #1 · answered by LuvMyGirls 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, unless you make substantially less then him, you aren't likely to get alimony. Now, as far as child support, once the second is born he will be looking at paying about 25% of his income. Frankly, if his feelings are this fickle, I'd let him dig his hole and find his way out. If you really love him, you need to use tough love. Meaning if he wants to come home don't let it be on his terms, make him jump through some hoops if you are even by then willing to take him back. I'm not saying play games and pretend you no longer want him. Let him know you love him, but that you can't accept him this way, that you aren't an open door he can pass through and exit whenever he wants to.
2016-05-23 22:46:09 · answer #2 · answered by Area 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really hate to tell you this, but ... there's NOTHING you can do! In fact, it's his family, his kids, and in the big picture you're "just the girlfriend." (I'm saying that realistically, not out of meanness.) You can't change his behavior. It's sad, but you can't suddenly make him be a man instead of a mouse. My parents are the same way with my no-good younger brother, sending him money every week, and he's 46 years old!
This is entirely out of your hands. You've done your part by stopping the funds from you ... too bad her dad can't be as strong. The only thing you can do is decide whether or not you want to stay in the situation.
I'm not sure what you mean about "she'll get nothing when he dies" if he remarries. Does he plan to cut her out of his will? At any rate, that, too, is out of your hands.
2007-01-19 10:27:15 · answer #3 · answered by Bad Kitty! 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I really don't think this problem has anything to do with you.She may be taking it out on you but you are not the cause.I understand that your husband want's to help his children and that is fine but sometimes you need to help your children with tuff-love and that is exactly what this girl need's is tuff-love.Your husband is not helping her by paying her rent & bill's the only thing he is doing is enabling her to act the way she does.Honestly this is not your battle to fight it is your husbands I suggest that you talk to him and help him to have the courage to start enforcing the tuff-love that his daughter desperately need's.She may hate him now but believe me she will thank him for it later.Sometimes you have to know when to let something go and right now is the time you need to do just that.Good luck to you.By the way I went through the same thing with 2 of my step daughters and now they are closer to me then they are with their own mother.And they love and respect my husband their dad more then ever.
2007-01-19 10:35:21 · answer #4 · answered by Maureen B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, first of all you have to realize that his first loyalty will always be to his first family. The daughter you speak about has nothing to worry about regarding inheiritance because as his children, they will all get funds divvied up in the event their dad dies. His remarriage will not change that.
If you "truly" can't handle things, then you have a lot to think through.
2007-01-19 22:34:35 · answer #5 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a (step)parent of an adult, treat her with respect and honesty.
As a stepparent, you need to leave the disciplining to Daddy-dear. If she needs kicked out, cut off, or told to mind her own business, it needs to come from him, not you. So, you've been together for years and he's your best friend, blah blah blah... if you cannot handle his children, you're in for a lifetime of troubles.
2007-01-19 10:26:07 · answer #6 · answered by wnk 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Daddy has to be the one to have enough and put a stop to it.
If you are not living comfortably and you have a financial strain as a result of his bottomless giving then I would reconsider marrying him. You need to have a heart to heart.
2007-01-19 11:19:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOU cut off her funds? You are treating this man like a child - it is his daughter - he should make those decisions about her. If you do then you are in a no win situation.
2007-01-19 10:27:14 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to say this but you can't fix it. You might get a copy of a book on tough love and either read it to him or have him read it. It will take a box of TNT to get him off the bad road he's on. Here's the web site:http://www.toughlove.com/default.asp
2007-01-19 10:30:14 · answer #9 · answered by DelK 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
firstly, dont compare his kids to yours because it sounds as though you,re are saying that yours are better. Let her live her life how she wants and talk to her dad about the money issues you have without slating his daughter.
2007-01-19 10:34:44 · answer #10 · answered by AnyaNledo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋