To be more specific, i'm refering to relationships.
Recently i've felt incredibly let down by my partners idea of 'being supportive'.
I was diagnosed as suffering from Anxiety Dissorder a few months ago. It came as such a relief to finally know that i wasn't loosing my mind and i was suffering from a medical condition as a pose to PMS as my partner refered to it, and still does.
I know i have been a real nightmare to live with, and i'm constantly appolagising for how i am, because i know he didn't ask for this. Wasn't it selfish to just expect him to support me and put up with me? He seems unable to even talk to me tho, so he doesn't now.
He looks right through me when i stand in front of him, sobbing and beg and plead, for him to talk to me, or to even reassure me just once, that i'm not in it alone. He doesn't tho, he doesn't even know im there sometimes.
Am i to blame partly tho? Demanding too much, and just presuming he would know what i counted as 'proper support'?
2007-01-19 10:10:09 · 12 answers · asked by katie 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I think perhaps i've come across as a tad needy and emotionaly unstable!? No denial from me there, but thought it may be worth adding that this relationship isn't one i've just began. He's my childhood sweetheart, we have been a couple since the tender age of 13, and we celebrate our 10th anniversary next month. We also have 3 children together.
2007-01-19 10:51:33 · update #1
Yes. You are asking for too much. If you have been a nightmare to live with then you have probably said and done some horrible things. Stop apologising and try to get as much outside help as you can. Make sure you partner knows you are getting this help and working on your problem. Standing sobbing in front of him is a sure fire way of making him angrier because you are putting the problem onto him. It might be difficult for women to realise this but men are crap at emotional support. Thats why you have girlfriends. He just sees himself as a failure because you are unhappy so he sees the begging and pleading malarky as a slap in the face. I am sure once he sees you are getting help and trying to be a cheerful companion, then you will get the support you crave. Its not always the way you want it with men so you have to look for it where you least expect it. For example, my husband isn't one for soppy love talk but he does loads of stuff for me - daft things like defrosting my car in the morning before he goes to work, buying me a lap top and downloading software for writers so that I could write my books. See? Are you maybe not seeing what he does for you because of this big issue? Are you letting him down?
2007-01-19 10:29:16 · answer #1 · answered by AUNTY EM 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
While you shouldn't expect him to be your therapist nor just put up with everything, it sounds as if you now have a good diagnosis and have explained the situation. It is possible that there's just "too much history" for him to now be supportive, but it's also possible that he's just not someone who can ever be supportive.
One very important thing to remember here. Relationships are supposed to make you feel better, not make you feel worse. It sounds like this one may not be healthy for you. While change can be scary, you deserve to be with someone who can be supportive - that's part of what a relationship is about. Please think about how the relationship makes you feel about yourself and remember that there are men out there who don't pout and are supportive. Might be worth looking for one of them. You deserve better.
2007-01-19 18:18:25 · answer #2 · answered by Stef 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you have to figure you r the reason he acts this way. there is only so much a person can put up with. I'm sure he wants to support you but maybe he doesn't really know how. maybe instead of apologizing you should think before u speak even though this is easier said than done. maybe go see a counselor and learn how to deal with the anxiety better and it will show him u care enough about him to try to change.
2007-01-19 18:18:44 · answer #3 · answered by aspen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not beg him. Just tell him that you understand that it must have been hard for him at times but you could not help. Tell him that you would appreciate if you guys could talk when he is ready and then leave it alone and go about your own business. See what he does?
2007-01-19 18:26:15 · answer #4 · answered by violet b 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No body is perfect hun, he should be supportive of your disorder. Sounds like he's a cold fish and quite cruel. Don't apologise for who you are. You need his support at this time of your life and he's not giving it. Is he worth it? x
2007-01-19 18:18:54 · answer #5 · answered by farleyjackmaster 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'll just answer the bold type. Specific. Yes. Particularly if you are in denial.
2007-01-19 18:13:59 · answer #6 · answered by vanamont7 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i didnt read all of the details....but yes expecting too much is a sure fire way of being let down....ive learned to expect nothing that way i cant be disappointed
2007-01-19 18:15:11 · answer #7 · answered by MsNic 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes it is...
but he should support you. thats not too much to ask for. if he isnt going to be with you for think and thin then leave him.
but you know also... like you said he didnt ask for this. maybe he just cant deal with it. and if he cant.... again, leave.
2007-01-19 18:15:44 · answer #8 · answered by Loathing 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get rid of him he's not worth it. as long as you are getting help for your condition he should be there to support you and if he isn't then he is not fulfilling his role as your partner.
2007-01-19 18:14:27 · answer #9 · answered by missree 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
its the way u look at it. Is the glass half empty ot half full?
2007-01-19 18:13:46 · answer #10 · answered by qt_yoonagirl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋