I feel like i don't belong here...help?

Question

I'm a freshman in highschool, and this year i just feel out of place. I don't even feel like anyone would miss me if i was gone, except for my bestfriend. I go to a really rich highschool, and i just can't realte to anyone. I used to be best freinds with this one girl, up until this year, because she just said i was too boring; and would just leave me when we hung out for someone she thought was better, yet she always comes to me when she had problems. I don't know if i even want to be here anymore, i'm not suicidal or anything, and i love to laugh, but i just can't seem to feel like i'm in the right place. I'm even un-comftarble in my own skin, and am extremly self-consious. I just feel boring, and it seems like everyone else thinks that too. At my school everyone is so immature, someone gets pregnant litreally every week, and everyones talks about sex as if it should be done everyday. Maybe i'm just prude or whatever, but i don't know what to do.

Any suggestions?

Answer 1

Ah, my young friend. You are in an uncomfortable phase in your life, but this phase will pass. You will not always feel this way or be in this place. It's easy to feel overwhelmed right now.

Let me tell you a few things no one else your age will share with you:

1. Nearly all the other kids in school are self-conscious, too. Even the loud mouthed and "popular" kids. They have a fake front but every one of them has a fragile self-image that can shatter quickly if their friends turned on them.

2. They talk about sex, but for most, it's only talk. (By the way, sex should come naturally. If a boy or girl is pressured into it too soon, it just feels wrong emotionally and can be devastating.)

3. The idea of excitement is very subjective. Everyone has his own idea of what it exciting.

4. Please don't try to fit into this crowd. One day when you're out of school, you'll see that you were the normal one. So many kids who had their popular days in high school end up not being able to fit in or succeed in the real world. School is NOT the real world.

5. You are not a prude. You are the decent and normal one.

6. Even if it might feel lonely to be on your own in high school, focus on your studies. Go to the library. Read. Study. You will be farther ahead than the other kids in college.

7. If you need a friend, join a club. You'll find like-minded people there.

8. Remember that a school is place where you learn. So go to class and learn. You don't have to join in the social fray at school when the other kids are immature. Come home and enjoy life.

9. Focus on personal development. Think about what you want to be in the future and work toward that already. You will be a true success in life. You'll have an early start.

My daughter is in your position at her school. But, by doing the things above, she got through her high school years and is set to graduate this spring. She's doing great. She began to study and practice making chocolates for fun and now is going to become a chocolatier.

Good luck!

Answer 2

It sounds like you are one of the very few people of this generation who was "raised right." That is an accomplishment in these days of limited moral standards.

If you are uncomfortable in the "rich school," why not see about transferring to a different school? You might find that the people there are a lot more your type--at least not snobs and pigs.

As far as your being "boring," I don't buy it. Your writing tells me that you just don't believe in immaturity, too much premarital sex (to the point of ridiculous), and that the others in your school think you should be acting in the childish ways that they are.

-Get a new, interesting hobby or interest.
-Use any talents you have (writing, musical, artistic, etc)
-Make a list of your goals, hopes and dreams--then make a list of how being around the people at your present school could spoil your wishes.
-Get into healthy eating and exercising
-Concentrate on your studies--you'll be glad you did later

New friends will pop up when least expected in one of these activities. I'm certain that not everyone in that school is so shallow--but you need to be doing new things to meet new people.

I never felt comfortable in school, either. I did like a few kids, and one teacher in particular, but as for the rest--I couldn't have cared less about their silly ways, and certainly would never have joined them. I got into art, secretarial studies, creative writing, and volunteer work in the school. I met a few friends that are still around to this day.

Feel better, make a plan for yourself, and keep your standards high.

Answer 3

I don't think your prude at all. And at least you have your boyfriend who I hope treats you well. I'm 23, and in my experience I wish I had been more quiet and down to earth in high school. I didn't get pregnant or anything, but almost all my friends did and they all quit school (I was the only one of them who graduated) I suggest that you spend some time deciding what makes you happy like art, writing, etc. and how you can apply that to a career later on. I hated school and also felt out of place, but I went to drugs and alcohol. Please don't let that be you! Get an after school job somewhere you like. Don't settle for McDonald's if you can help it. School doesn't last forever, and there is a big, beautiful world out there waiting for you. Good luck

Answer 4

Freshman year is about change. Find new friends. I sat with someone new constantly my freshman year until I found someone I could relate to. Your not boring, you just need to find who you click with. I have friends that when we talk to eachother we can have 3 to 4 different conversations going on at the same time. We really connect & have a blast...but when I am around other people, I'm bored, they seem bored. Maybe the girl that says your boring, is the boring one & her friends have to entertain her, & it is not worth the work. Your okay, it's normal. Let loose (but not in the sex, & drugs way) & have some fun.

Answer 5

Hey I know what your going through. I'm a junior and have been dealing with this same thing for the last three years. The only I can reccommend is going to talk to a counselor or someone you trust. I have found this very helpful, and a huge releif just to have someone i can trust and tell everything to. I hope things get better, feel free to e-mail me if you ever want to talk.

Answer 6

I remember feeling the same thing at your age. As far as school goes, I am not sure what you can do about that. Maybe you could get involved in something outside of school with people your age. Maybe a church youth group or a community theater.

I am sorry to hear you are having those kinds of problems. It is always hard to feel like the outsider looking in. I hope you can find your place in the scheme of things.

Answer 7

It sounds like you are dealing with a lot right now. At this age, it is common to feel like you don't fit in with everyone. You are at the stage in your life in which you are becoming independent and figuring out who you really are. Your body is going through tons of changes right now, including your hormones-this can make people feel uncomfortable about their bodies. Nobody is "boring"; just different from each other. Don't let other's talk you down, be yourself and stand for what you believe, although I know this can be tough sometimes. If you start to feel suicidal, please talk to somebody you trust!!

Answer 8

You are the tender age of learning about who you are; and what you want from life. Your friend sounds like she doesn't know who she is either, or what she wants. She may in actuality need your friendship. Jesus said "to love our enemies" and when I think how he was treated by supposed friends and he could still be loving towards all.
You ARE NOT.BEING A PRUDE! I congradulate you for not wanting to have sex, or talk about it! It shows you may have more maturity and ethics then some of your class mates.
Sometimes when we are trying to do the right thing, it makes us different from those around us, and we prick their conscience by doing the "right thing" so they have to put you down to feel good about what they are doing. Remember, how the people in Jesus' day treated him? They persecuted him with beatings, laughing at him, spitting on him, and finally killing him because he was "different" then the world in his day! Take courage, he conquered his "difference with the world of his day" and so can we! Jesus was a teenager when a lot of this happened to him, and he still remained DIFFERENT from the world around him.
So, Honey, hang in there! You are doing the right thing!

Answer 9

I understand where your coming from as when I was Elementary, High School and Vocational Rehab. I felt the same way. Tho, I have overdosed many a time, but I'm still standing 47 yrs. later. If you want to or need someone to talk I'm here and I'll listen.

[e-mail]

Heidi

Answer 10

Abundant character seems hardly satisfying. You're not boring, your peers are just out of their depth with you, and so fitting in is problematic. Don't worry, there's no reason to.

Self consciousness is a result of believing your thoughts tell you who you are... when you're free, so... recognize what is there before, during, and after thoughts... that is who you are... not a self.