Why do people say spanking does not work? Everyone I know that was?

Question

spanked as a child turned out to be a respectful adult and citizen. Some of the parents that I know use "time out" hhave out of control kids that are on ADD medicine to calm them down. I dont get it! My question is-Do you ever think kids are they way they are today(not all kids but many of them) because of the no spanking idea that some parents are using? I see kids kicking, hitting their parents and I just think to myself "If they would spank their bottom the child would quit the behavior because they know their is a consequence for that type of behavior".

To Baka or should I say "Mr. Intelligent"haha. Actually most of the children that are on ADD medicine do not need it. They just need a pop on the butt every now and then. As my family says"I had ADD for about 2 seconds and then my dad popped my a$$ and it went away". No, it is not comparing apples and oranges by any means. Thanks for the opinion anyway

Answer 1

I completely agree.....spanking, when used in the proper manner works.....and there is a diferance between a pop on the but and hitting over and over again.....I think it is dieing not because more parents are against it but because more parents are afraid to use it in fear of the few who don't like it turning them in. Its sad....and more and more parents are trying to be a friend first parents second....it needs to be the other way around......parent first, friend second....

Answer 2

Yes I do belive that if parents spanked more these days and didn't have to worry about being turned into the child pertective servises. I think that some children would benifet from being disciplined more then they are now days. I was a child of spanking and I have one child now and another on the way and I do spank my son when he does things he KNOWS he is not suppose to and he is very well behave at age 1 1/2 already he says please and thank you for things he wants. I have a 4 year old nephue who is not spanked and is OUT OF CONTROL! I agree that children should have some disciplen but that no parent should over due it to the point of abuse exaple they should only use their hands never a belt or brush ect because when you use your hand you know how hard you are hitting and if you use something else you can't feel how hard it is hitting and that can lead to abuse WHICH IS BAD!

Answer 3

I guess this came about because of the need to define what abuse is for the child protection services. From there, you can imagine that many people with strong feelings about abusing children jumped on the bandwagon, and then we find ourselves in a world in which children are beating their parents rather than the other way around.

To me, the reality of it is, that spanking is not abuse, but if a parent is using it as a way to control a child, then it is a problem. Parents are somewhat lazy or apathetic in regards to discipline today. Time and time again you can witness a child doing something wrong and the parent ignoring it, or saying stop, but going about their business, and of course the child continues. When the parent is ready to address the situation, you may see them snatch them up and spank them, or just act somewhat abusive. This is the wrong type of spanking. The child's behavior in these situations is a result of the parents behavior.

Parents need to teach their children from early on what is acceptable behavior. They need to be firm and let the child know who is in charge. If a child needs to be spanked, it really should happen one time, because after that, the fear of being spanked should drive the child to remember how to act. This way when mom gets that look in her eye, and says stop, the child knows she means business.

I don't care what anyone, or any expert says...fear is an important part of building a disciplined individual, and the bottom line is that kids have no fear of anyone anymore. This in turn leaves us in a world with young people who just act without thinking first. They have no understanding of consequences...and it is scary. Sigh.

Answer 4

While I could easily add to the list of opponents to spanking in the answers to this question by describing how I was spanked as a child and felt that I didn't turn out any better for it. To this day, I still will do anything that I feel I can get away with, and, with my intelligence, that's a lot.

No, this is to address another issue. You state that "some" of the parents that you know that use timeouts have out of control kids THAT ARE ON MEDICINE FOR ADD! How many of those well-behaved kids have ADD? Probably none, meaning that you're comparing apples and oranges. Spanking is no more effective with such children than any other punishment. ADD children are "out of control" by definition, but not by any fault of the child. ADD is a mental condition and not a choice that the child makes or that develops because of a lack of discipline. On the contrary, ADD is what causes this lack of discipline. If you're going to present an argument, at least try to make it a valid argument.

Edit: In other words, you simply disregard psychological research and ignore the existence of a documented disorder? ADD and ADHD are not "theories." They are proven fact. I was diagnosed as hyperactive as a child, and have since diagnosed myself as ADHD as an adult. I tend to be scatterbrained because I move from thought to thought too rapidly and get ahead of myself. On the other hand, I benefit from the "hyperfocus" that arises, allowing me to tear apart subjective topics in my head and organize things mentally. No amount of spanking (I got the belt up to about 16 or so on my naked @$$) changed any of this. This is my nature, and all I could do was learn to live with it or be heavily medicated. I chose living with it.

Answer 5

I was spanked as a kid. I turned against it in college under the influence of liberal psychology and education professors. In fact from what they said I should be a neurotic mess (I was spanked in the most "dangerous" way--on my bare fanny).

Once I had my own kids I gradually decided that my parents were not so stupid and old fashioned as I had been led to believe. I am now kind of a nutty radical advocate of spanking. I know it sounds stupid and oversimplistic--but I really think that spanking is important.

And I think a lot of younger parents are spanking more. We are just sick and tired of all the spoiled brats and the Nanny 911, etc. nonsenses.

The idea that spanking is ineffective and harmful is a myth. It is something that grew out of the failed no-spanking social experiment starting in the 1950's.

I have actually spent quite a bit of time looking at the spanking research. All the studies finding "it will destroy your child and society" are at best inconclusive and at worst deeply flawed. Yet these are promoted as fact so much by the media and pop psychologists that it is now pretty much taken as fact. Even parents who spank often feel to the need to "only spank as a last resort."

There are actually very good studies that spanking is not only not harmful, but is the best way to get kids to comply with their parent's wishes.

You can see my review of the spanking research and literature at http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-GgIFACYzfqWx8YwvtspSWVmWzA--?cq=1&p=793

Answer 6

To be fair, I know adults who were spanked as kids and still ended up ADD and disrespectful to their parents.

Discipline depends on each child and on each parent. If spankings are inconsistent and out of anger or desperation, a child learns that violence is a way to regain control. Time outs are just as much for parents as they are for children... and children acting out for attention are well punished by time out.

Dont get me wrong, I spank my child, but I honestly dont think that is what is going to make her grow up to be a good citizen.

Answer 7

It is funny how liberals always think they made some radical new discovery. Spanking was around for several hundred thousand years of humanity most likely, and humanity has progressed because of discipline. Disciplined societies usually succeed. All these proponents of not spanking seem to ignore their kids behavior in public and let them run wild. Children need to respect authority. I bet Eric Snowden was not spanked.

Answer 8

Spanking works, but I think the key is to choose your battles. I was spanked (Hell, I was beaten!) I spanked my son, but when he did something exceptionally bad.

When I was a kid, it was nearly a daily activity.

99% of the time, a discipline method other then spanking will suffice, and if you stick to that rule, when a child gets spanked, or even a quick swat on the butt, they realize you mean business and straighten right out. Even if they don't like it.

My son was over 3 the first time he got spanked, we had just bought a new house and were cleaning it before the mover's came. All of a sudden, we look out the window, there he is walking down the street. (Yes, we brought toys for him to play with.) I went running down the street and brought him back. I explained that he can not do that, it was dangerous, ya-da ya-da.

A few minutes later, there he is going down the street again. This time he gets a time out and a strict talking too.

About an hour later, there he is going down the street. This time he got his butt spanked. He stood there and looked at me and said "I am not going to let it hurt and I am not going to cry". (Somewhere that afternoon he became a teenager.) For over 3 years after that, he asked permission to even open the door.

BTW - People always commented on what a well-behaved child he was.

Answer 9

kids are the way they are now days because parents basically lost all rights to there children , yes we have them we raise them , we clothe them educate them etc but when it comes to correcting them we have no say thus the kids finding out at school that parents are not allowed to spank them there for when we spank we get cops and children services on our **** , but then whne the child comets a crime its like oh where is te parent or parents no wounder why they did it theres no dad or mom in the home , well its not only home life that affects the out come of a child its socity as well , spanking never hurt know one and there is a diffrence between spanking and beating , a few good swats on the botto with a firm hand or belt never hurt knowone , but dont over do it 3 swats should be good enough along with the swats a good grounding , ie for the behavior you will not get computer or vidio games for a week . and the punishment should also fir the crime as well . i tell my kids ill give them a darn spanking when they deserve it if i fill like it if tey say ill call the cops i tell them ill do it for them , i also fill this way if your gonna tell me how to raise or disipline my children then u raise them and support them

Answer 10

I have never spanked my children ever and I never will I think it is the easy way out of a tough situation and it is being abusive to this little person that you love so much. My kids are not on any meds of any kind although they do take a vitamin, they have never kicked me or hit me ever. Time outs don't work ,I found that if they were doing something that I did not approve of then we would have a long talk about why I am disappointed in their behavior, if this stops working for me then I will take things away from them until they earned it back. I was spanked as a child and I resent my parents for it to this day, you name it I got it. No one should lay a hand on their children at all unless you are going to give them a hug. My way has worked for me so far, other parents think that hitting is the way to go, all I can do is care for my own children-I can't save the world but, I can give my opinion. There has been many studies done on spanking vs non spanking and they have proven that children who are not spanked are more well behaved and happier people as adults. You do it your way and I will raise my kids my way.

Answer 11

You know what - I have asked myself this question a hundred times. I think you nailed it. I think a spanking is not a bad thing. But I think that there have to be very serious limitations to this:

1. Spanking should not be for the purpose of physically hurting the child only for the purpose (and I know people are going to freak) of identifying extreme cases of right and wrong.

2. Spanking should never be done in front of others. Embarassing the child on top of discipining them is counter-productive and wouldn't help.

3. I remember getting the wooden spoon on a bare bum. This I would definately consider abuse these days, but it wasn't when I was a kid. I don't think a spanking should ever, EVER have a weapon.

4. Spankings should never be done on a small child. That is highly inappropriate.

I agree - I don't think time-outs are effective enough. I've tried using this method. And do still incorporate it in my approach to my own child. Parents are themselves not disciplined to carry this out effectively. It takes a lot of continuity and dedication. Yes of course our kids are worth it. But you're right. I know quite a few people who have used this method exclusively and have kids on meds, or in Juvie because the boundaries were not set in stone. Setting boundaries and maintaining them is hard work. And sometimes we let them slide.

Do you have kids?

By the way - I am sure my answer is controversial to some, and I respect that - I know there are two sides - I have, to this day never spanked my child, But I expect that at some time, I will feel the need to use this discipline method. My promise to myself is that I would never - NEVER - do it in anger.