Be a working mum or a stay at home mum?

Question

I have a daughter of 14 months and have been offered a really good job which could be a good career move for me. The thing is i feel really guilty about leaving my girl with a carer. Am i being selifsh by wanting a career and children at the same time. I am torn in two minds spending every moment of with my children and giving them all my attention or go to work full time. If a mother who has been in the situation could answer and give me some advice the would be great

Answer 1

The mom's group that I'm in has quite a few of both. I am a mom that decided to quit her job and become a full time mommy just because I felt that it was best for my daughter and myself....and I figured that if I could do it financially, then I will...I think that my daughter benefits from it personally. In terms of career vs a stay at home mom. From the moms in my moms group that I've talked to that did go back to work, they found great nannies for their kids but the only thing that they said that they missed was they all don't get to see the monumental "firsts" that the kids go through. Alot of them seemed to really miss that. Some of them stayed with their job and some have quit just because they felt that they were missing too much. It's really about how you feel re: the situation. Yes, pros of going to work - you get adult interaction still (as a mommy, I'm sure you know how hard that is sometimes) and you get to keep your life outside of your baby...Cons of doing it: There's a strong possibility that there is going to be alot that you're going to miss, like first things that they do, etc. You won't get to see your lil one anytime you want...and alot of the moms I know that did this feel guilty for doing this esp if they didn't need to financially.

Best of luck to you re: your tough decision. I'm sure that no matter what you decide, it will be the best for you and your family. :)

Answer 2

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Answer 3

Almost no one at the end of their lives says, "Gosh, I wish I could have spent more time at work." Many, however, have as last words, "I wish I could have spent more time with my kids."

If you don't "have to" finanacially, don't do it. Your company can find many suitable people to do your job, if you don't accept. Your daughter does not have anyone else who can ever be a "mommy". Maybe a well-loved caretaker, but no other mommy.

Having said that, being a mother will be the harder route. You will not have a "regular" schedule, you will be on-call all the days and nights of your life. You will have to give up many things, like expensive clothing, long days at the mall shopping, a "productive" career in which you get pats on the back and people thanking you for your contributions. No one will give you a raise or a glowing performance report as a mom. There will be no bonuses at Christmas time. Your patience will be tried countless times and there will be tears when you are overworked and feel like no one appreicates you. Yet.... this is a noble calling and you are the only one who can do it.

In the end, you will not have had a lifetime of accolades for a spectacular career, but have precious memories, no regrets.

Answer 4

I am a working mom. My baby is only 12 weeks. Its very hard for me because I miss hI'm when im at work and feel like I will miss all the firsts! I think its great that you have a choose, some mom's don't, and have to go right back to work. ( I was only out of work for 2 weeks after I had my son) I think working will be fine. Its good to get your 14 month old away from you at that age, that way come school time she will be used to not having you around all the time the transition will be easier on the both of you, good luck!

Answer 5

I've been in the same position. The time taken from a child is priceless. I choose staying home, but when my youngest went to school I had a hard time getting back in the field I was educated for. It also depends on who will keep you daughter. If you can find a loving, caring person then it would be less painful. There is in real right or wrong, just follow your heart.

Answer 6

As a working mother I would have to say go for it if that is what you want. Just make sure not to loose sight of your children in the process. It can be very difficult to hold a career as a mother.

Answer 7

There are many different variables to consider with this issue.
First off where will your child be while you are working? Who will be caring for them? Is it financially beneficial to return to work? You must factor in the cost of child care, buying business clothes, travel (commute) expenses, and eating lunches out. Many times you end up losing money in the end.
In my case I work 3 to 4 days a week and my husband works 3 to 4 days per week. We always work different days so as not to need child care.It works well and we are more than willing to sacrifice certain things to attain this.
Basically it boils down to what is best for the family as a whole.

Answer 8

I tried staying at home and nearly had a breakdown! I personally need to go out to work for my own sanity but good luck to those stay at home mums - they (most of them) do a good job. ps you may be able to get help with childcare costs from tax credits.

Answer 9

I don't think you have to feel guility about working. It is all about the quality time you spend with your daughter not quanity. I'm a working mother. I think I am better because of it. I try to spend a lot of quality time with my daughters. My working enables me to do things with my daughters that I couldn't do if I didnt' work. We try to do things together--one of the latest things we did was go to the American Girl Store in Chicago and saw the saw and well as have lunch with their dolls. It is something they won't forget and one day may want to do the same things with their daughers.

Answer 10

If you need the money i.e. can't afford diapers, then get the job, if you don't, then wait four years till the kid is in preschool. Seriously do you wanna look back and say, hmmm i wish i would have spent more time with my kid. Your not losing out on much, and money is not everything, Rich people still get divorced, still commit suicide, still have bratty kids.