Feeling depressed about being married...?

Question

I been married to my husband for 10 years and I have 4 children. My husband is a great father too his children and he is also a great husband too me financially however, when it comes to having sex and showing affection he does not acknowledge me in that way.

I feel so alone and I also feel like I need to have attention and he tells me that he is tired or something hurts when ever I mention too him that I want to have sex, I am so tired of initiating it. I asked him if he was cheating on me and he said no, like he would admit it too me. I also suggested that we get counseling and he does not want to do that. I have been thinking alot about cheating and that bothers me because I did not get married to cheat with other men. I love my husband but I am not in love with him anymore, to make things worse he sleeps on the counch every single night..

Could someone please give me advice on what should I do? I am also considering divorcing him because I can't take it anymore..

Answer 1

Maybe your husband has a medical problem that he is too embarrassed to talk about or to go see a doctor about. I have heard of men who have prostate problems and it affects them wanting to do anything. It actually hurts to ejaculate or they just can't get an erection anymore. That is the only thing I could think of that would make a man turn down sex unless you are right about another woman. I'm not saying that is the case but why does he sleep on the couch? Usually people are mad when they won't go to bed with you. Do you argue a lot? Sounds like he's not giving an inch to try and help your relationship. DO NOT let anyone on here tell you to stay in a relationship where you are depressed, rejected, neglected, and your feelings are ignored especially since he is not interested in making it work. You need to be sure you can make it on your own with 4 kids and then tell him you love him and want to make it work but you need him to help you even if it means going to counseling. There are a lot of self help books you could probably find at the library also. I would say to keep trying at making your marriage work but don't stay around if he continues to act uninterested in you.

Answer 2

Hi Vicky,

I'm so sorry that you're feeling this way. Marriage is constant negotiation and compromise. Have you discussed these feelings with your husband? He sounds like he is a compassionate man, perhaps if you told him how you feel he'd be more attentive. Don't cheat, it only causes problems.

Perhaps you should try spicing things up a bit? It's not easy raising four kids, I'm sure you're both tired at times. Why not hire a baby sitter and go out for a few drinks at an upscale bar.

I wish you the best of luck, you've hung in there for 10 years, that's definitely a mile stone.

All the best!

Answer 3

Go to counseling without him. They can help you figure out how best to deal with him and the feelings you are having.