if u knew my lifestory, you'd want to die too, trust me?

Question

I have no intensions to seek for attention,I don't need any sympathy because I know I am a loser.My mum hated me when I was born becoz I wasn't a boy.I lived with my grandparents til I was 6 and I have no memories of my childhood, I don't recall seeing my parents at all.At 7, my parents went to US for a year and that's when my brother was born.My mum loved him, to the extent that my bro ask me 'do you really think mum is ur biological mother? she treats us so differently'.Whenever I show signs of affections towards her,she pushes me away and when I said I love her, she said it was inappropriate.I Loved her and try my best to get her approval,but she rejects me,time after time.My parents hit me when I was younger, using a hanger or other tools.I came to UK when I was 10, I used to ring home and cry everynight for 1 year but my mum used to tell me off for being pathetic.I constantly feel insecure and I don't know where home is?I just want someone to love me and tell me where I belong?

Answer 1

Well she is just a mother who gave birth to you, that is all.
Why not pretend she is dead and forget about her?
She has a problem, not you. She probably wanted a son
to keep her husband. Well anyway, when they get old
and can't take of themselves.... I doubt it that your brother
can take care of them, all by himself. And ha, they may
have to end up in Nursing or Old folks' home and get hit
by staffs.
Don't worry about that... why don't you start your own
family, and be good parent to your kids and give them
love? Then later, you might have some Grandkids who
will love you and all...
If you can't get love from your mom, then you can get
love from other people... and just be yourself and
live a normal life.

Your mom is not important. You can live without her.
And please don't kill yourself over your stupid mother...
she isn't worth going to Hell for.

Answer 2

I have already replied on your last question but I will add a little here too. Answers isn't where you will get the help you need.

Please talk to the Crisis Resolution Team again or visit your local A&E. They will not turn you away if you ask to see their duty psychiatrist.

If you aren't ready/willing to do this, try the Samaritans. They will not judge you or make you do anything you don't want to. They are completely confidential too. Tel [phone]. If you don't have much credit they may be able to call you back. Or you can email them on [e-mail]. They are around 24 hours a day.

You have obviously been through a lot and anyone who had been through something like that would feel this way. You deserve better and you deserve to feel better about yourself.

As I have already said, Answers is not the place for you to get what you need and deserve.

NB - NAOMI has left a great website on your last question. Worth a look.

Answer 3

Happy bunny - you sound like very sad bunny. First of all, get one thing straight - you ARE NOT a loser. It is not your fault that your mother left you need to understand that. My mother left me and my brother when I was two and my brother one. I met her for the first time when I was 40 (last year). All the pictures that I had built up in my mind and the longing to be accepted by her disappeared the minute I met her. I felt sorry for her - now an old lady she showed no signs of remorse or guilt. Of course, constantly feeling the need for appoval is understandable and it does make you insecure. But you must believe that you are a good person and have a lot to offer - look to the future with positivety - make lots of friends - they will be your family. Your life has been tough but it will be the making not the breaking of you. Do not look to you mother for approval and love - she is hurting you constantly by rejecting you and that will make you feel even worse. Good luck in your life - your life is worth living and you will see this in time.

Answer 4

Obviously you have a lot of memories of your childhood. And they are all bad. I lot of people want to die, heck there have been numerous times in my Life when I've wanted no more than to die to ease the pain. Most people do in fact have "shitty" childhoods. So have comfort in the fact that you are far from alone. At this point in your Life, to get what you want most "to be loved", you need to take action and find a friend, a very special friend whom you can share all your feelings with. Find someone who is also a "loner" like you and you make the first step towards bonding. Believe me, it will be well worth the effort. Give up on ever having a relationship with your mom, it won't happen. She has clearly abandoned you and that tells me that she is not worth loving. Her heart is black on the inside. But you don't have to be "black inside". Let sunshine in your Life, let it warm your heart and soul and nourish it. You are the one in charge of your Life and anything good that comes your way will have to come from you. Decide what dreams you want and make them come true. Things only look "dreary and bleak" when that is of the state of mind you are in. Grow a positive outlook and allow for HOPE and LOVE and you'll notice a dramatic change. Good luck honey, I"m so sorry that you are having a rough time right now, but it can and will get better if you allow it too.

Answer 5

I would suggest speaking to a counselor or minister regarding these issues. I prefer going to my minister for advice and to talk through issues, but that is the one I am most comfortable with. You might be more comfortable with a counselor perhaps.
Basically you need to move forward and not dwell too much on the past. Knowing that your mother's behavior had no basis on how good or bad you are but on the condition of her heart. She sounds like a terrible and miserable person. Frankly you are better off not contacting her again.
I had problems with my mother (not abuse thankfully, but other serious issues) and I found solace when I went to church. The people there treated me as family. I am married now and have a wonderful family of my own but it is hard to move forward with your life and find peace and happiness until you make peace with your past and move forward.
Striving to be a better person than your mother and knowing you are a great person no matter how she treats you.

Answer 6

You sound like you are still so very young and my heart goes out to you. You belong here on earth with the rest of us. Sometimes, adults shouldnt be parents. But then there are those of us (like me) that would take you in with loving and open arms and show you what a family is like. In a real family there is no pain. Have you ever read the book called "The Boy Named It"? Its a wonderful book and has 2 books after that, that I believe could help you realize that you are so not alone. If you want to talk more, write to me at [e-mail]. I know what its like to be abused but I also know what its like to be loved. While I live in the states, I can still give you emotional support if you would like it. God gave my 2 shoulders and you are welcome to use them both if you would like.

Heres a big hug for you. Blessings to you dear person.

Answer 7

I was adopted at 5 along with my sister and have had a very similar life to yours. Never fitted in, never wanted etc.
I am nearly 26 and have only just realised what im going to tell you :)
You first need to love yourself and then you need know that "home" is a place inside of you. An inner peace, not a house or a place. It will get better for you as you grow older and wiser (promise) Until then just hold on and dont let people get you down!!
((((((HUG))))))))
If you need to chat you will find me on lycos as Miksha :)

Answer 8

your mom has her own problems.. you need to as hard as it is let go of her because until she lets go of her anger towards you which really most likely represents resentmen of some sort that she put on your sholder.. example if she had you young maybe she feels like you took away her youth..blah blah.. the point is it is her she is really mad at not you but she has focused it on you.. so there is nothing you can do to change her so you need to focus on yourself.. find security in your stregnths and don't focus on your flaws for the secret is we all have them but we must learn to deal with them and or overlook them.. I am sure there are many whom love you .. you need to just hold out and you will find someone.. but if you don't love yourself first you will never be able to love anyone else completely so in the mean time work on you ..

Answer 9

i believe you . life for me is different but i still feel the same.
life for some of us is so different then for others that they have no idea non as to what a crap life is all about.
i don't know what to tell you except i am sure glad your a female.
one day when your older you can get married have children and raise them in such a way they will be like the other on here who know nothing of a crap life. you would be wise to tell them about ths crap life you had in the past and hopefully they will have just a tiny bit of understanding of how well off they are.

Answer 10

I know that you love your parents. But it sounds to me like your mother is the one with the mental problem here, not you. She is responsible for you feeling the way you do, and it is probably about time that you told her so. And what is wrong with your brother? Why does he not admonish her for this? She sounds like the type of person that does not need a child period. She sounds cold, unfeeling and as if she does not even know how to love, let alone what love is. I hate it for you. God loves you! Know that, above ALL else! God loves you, and will always love you. Dedicate your life to HIM, and do not worry about your mother. That sounds cold, but not as cold as she is. She is the pathetic one, and God will punish her for her acts. Don't let her take away your joy in life any longer. Find Jesus, and do not look back. You will be glad you did. Love in Christ to you.............Darryl