teaching my son respect?

Question

i am a 20 year old mother and my son is about to be 6 so iam a very young mother and i also have a 19 month old daughter. my problem is my son he is very disrespectful to everyone. he has a very smart mouth that he may get from me and my fiance when we are joking around. but he thinks its okay to talk to people that way bieng serious and i have explained to him he cant talk to people that way and he needs to loose his smart mouth it will get him in trouble. he doesnt listen at all. he is extremely rude and says rude things to me and my fiance and anyone for that matter.for ex. he will tell me to get him something to drink now and if i dont hear him he will say hello i said get me something to drink. i have tried spanking him, talking to him, putting him in his room. i dont really fell like he is my son anymore, he feels more like an anoying litttle brother. i think that is because i grew up with him. but i have tried everything and it doesnt work.i am to my limit. please help.

Answer 1

IF I WAS YOU AND YOUR BOYFRIEND TRY CONTROLLING WHAT YOU SAY, EVEN IF YOU ARE JOKING, HE REALLY DOES NOT KNOW WHAT YOU ARE SAYING. AND HE THINKS IT OKAY TO SAY IT IF YOU TWO ARE. WOULD TELL HIM THE NEXT TIME HE TELLS YOU TO GET HIM ANOTHER DRINK. LET HIM WAIT. AND TELL HIM AS SOON AS YOU START ASKING ME WITH RESPECT AND NICELY, I WILL DO IT, BUT IF YOU ARE GOING TO BE RUDE , DON'T. DON'T GIVE HIM THE THINGS HE WANTS AND IF HE SCREAMS AND THAT . LET HIM SOONER OR LATER HE WILL REALIZE THAT HES NOT GOING TO GET WHAT HE WANTS., ITS HARD BUT YOU HAVE TO SHOW HIM WHO'S BOSS. AND IF HE GETS A SMART MOUTH WITH YOU, BUT SOME REAL HOT TABASCO SAUCE ON HIS TONGUE. GOOD LUCK. DON'T BE EASY BE HARD.

Answer 2

I understand that you were very young when you became a mother and that you may feel like your son is your little brother. Remember, you are NOT his big sister, you are his mother and as his parent and you must put your foot down and act like it. Think about what is important to him as a 6 year old. What priveledges can you start taking away? TV time, computer, video games etc. start there. Also, you have to begin acting as an example and that means your fiance as well. You child imitates you, you have made that clear...

if you spank the dog for doing something wrong and then he hits someone because he feels they do something wrong he will be shocked if you disipline him, after all, he was imitating YOU! You must explain the difference, he is a child, and he will learn.

Answer 3

The fact that you and your fiance speak this way to each other says a lot. Although you and he mean no harm by your words, a 6 year old child can't distinguish when those types of words are appropriate. Whatever behavior that you expect from your child, that's the behavior you should exhibit in his presence. Children imitate the actions of others, especially their parents. Give him a good example instead of spanking. You will get much better results and will realize how much he wants to be like his parents. Explain that the two of you are trying to control your mouths as well to encourage him to do the same. It's next to impossible to expect a child to follow the rule that parents of yesterday used to teach, "Do as I day do, not as I do."

Answer 4

First stop talking that way yourself, even if you are just joking...It is most definitely the biggest influence for your children. You first & foremost have to set an example. If he sees you do it, joking or not he will think, "well then why can't I do it?" And disrespect you more.

Second set very clear boundaries/rules & limits. Example,
You: "If you say this or talk that way you will get a time out!" If he doesn't follow your/your husband’s directions, give him a time out, or whatever punishment was agreed on a head of time... Time out is usually 1 min. sitting in the corner for every year of age. He is 6 so six min. Do not talk or listen to him while he is on time out, but make sure he sits there the whole time even if you have to hold him in the chair. You can also add a minute for every time he gets up. Do not give warnings! Like "If you do that again you will get time out!" Just put him on time out each time & every time! The first few days will be hard, but then it will just click. He will know you are serious!

Thirdly: Offer a reward. You can make a chart with 7 days on it. For everyday he doesn't get a time out he gets a sticker. If he gets all 7 days then give him reward... Like going for ice cream, or renting a movie, what ever you think is appropriate.

You must do all 3 things together & consistently or it wont work!

I had behavioral/language problems with my 3 year old. I discussed rules & rewards as well as punishment with my husband. We also agreed to try to stop speaking bad word altogether not just around our son. We knew that if we didn't stop this now, there would be bigger problems to come. Good Luck!

Answer 5

I apply things I've learned from many years in the military as management (doing things different than the typical military leader) and as a parent of teenagers.

The disrespectful nature is not a rare thing in today's culture. The best rule to go by is the golden rule, "treat others the way you would like to be treated."

As the adult dealing with kids, they really don't know, unless you train them. Many adults think kids automatically know what to do, espescially if we tell them. Kids learn from us, that is, not what we say, but what we do. They will do and say things that they witness us doing.

How to break the bad habits that are already in place? It takes roughly 3 weeks (21 days) to form a habit, good or bad. So it takes the same amount of time to break those bad ones and set better ones.

First thing to do is make sure the adults are setting the example for what way you want your son to act.

A talk you can have with him is one that explains that you and other adults have not been setting the right example for him to follow. Let him know adults do make mistakes also, a very important lesson for kids to know. Tell him that you are going to do your best to act right, and that he has to also.

We are continually a work in progress, and kids are watching our every move. If they see that we are imperfect, and we are real in dealing with it, they can be more sure of themselves when they make mistakes, knowing that they can improve also.

Word of caution, spanking although there may be a time and place for it, is not the right thing to do when kids are just acting out what they see adults doing.

Answer 6

try taking things away when he does this...if he's rude, he loses tv for a day...if he does it again, then he loses it for 3 days...you can do the same with a special toy or game. HOWEVER...kids learn from example...so if you and your fiance do this, then he will copy...even tho you know the adults are joking...the child does not realize this. Another thing to try...is not respond at all to his rudeness. If he does the drink of water thing again...totally ignore him until he asks politely. You have to solve this now because the older he gets the worse he will become

Answer 7

Hello Kids Go Ape have some really good books which give professional information and guidelines on the best discipline for your children Click on the link below to a good site for all mums

Answer 8

Best thing to do would be to stop providing an example to him with your fiance..."he has a very smart mouth that he may get from me and my fiance when we are joking around" - regardless of whether you're just joking around with eachother...he doesn't know that and all he knows is that you and your fiance are his role models....so he follows YOU.

Answer 9

My son is 2 1/2 and while he is a well-behaved child, he has moments where he simply don't respect my husband or me at all. What are we doing as parents that gives them the impression lack of respect is acceptable?

All of us, regardless of our age, truly want to be respected. Respect can be defined as consideration or appreciation of another person and many people associate the term with a sense of authority. Respect between two individuals - whether parent and child, student and teacher, etc. - cannot be demanded nor legislated; it must be earned. For most families, respect among members is certainly an integral part of family structure. There are many different ways to look at respect in family relationships, but perhaps approaching it from two viewpoints will be enough to get parents motivated to discuss the subject between themselves.

First, children must be respected by their parents and perhaps even more importantly they must feel they are respected. Even 3-year-olds respond to being considered as an important individual. Parents should listen to their children, talk with them, pay attention to what they are saying and give credence to the child's opinion and viewpoint. Even if they don't necessarily agree, they may have to proceed in a fashion differently from what the child wishes. Most of the time, if you are having to promote a difficult rule your children don't like, they are more likely to be accepting if it has been discussed with them ahead of time and their viewpoint has been considered. Once the child understands and feels he is respected as an individual and respected by his parents, he is much more likely to show respect for his parents and his siblings and understand the parents' role in discipline and family rules.

The other element in maintaining respect within a family is for parents to respect each other. Each parent must show respect for the other and in no way should they belittle, criticize or disregard their spouse in front of their children. This may require a fair amount of discussion between two parents regarding family issues and how they feel and wish to approach these issues. These discussions should take place when the children are not present. Parents need to present their children with a firm consensus in regard to family values and discipline.

If children see that parents respect each other, they are much more likely to be respectful of their parents and each parent's role in the family structure. Children more often repeat the actions they see in adults, rather than behave the way they are told. Children almost always respond better to example than to verbal instructions. Perhaps a good family rule is that all family members must show respect for each other which means there will be no belittling, criticizing, etc. from the children or the parents.

Answer 10

- i say put him in martial arts. karate is a great way to straighen kids out and putting them in the right direction at an early age. soon he will grow to love it and if he does something wrong then you tell him that he won't be going that night -
- i see it work all the time. -
- disipline, respect, self confidence, high self esteem, pride, a good head. - all good things can come of this.

--- hope this helps. Good Luck! -