I was recently "dumped" by a guy I was seeing...well, when I say "dumped", I mean he suddenly stopped all contact with me.
I waited six weeks before we slept together and everything seemed to get better after that. We were only together for a few months but it felt so right. I tried not to get too involved as he'd only recently come out of a relationship but I couldn't help it - he was so attentive and caring.
He said he found it really easy to talk to me and opened up to me very early on. I'm not fazed by anything though he did have a lot of baggage. I was just happy he felt he could tell me anything; it brought us close.
It's been a few weeks now and I'm trying to forget him, but how can I when I don't have closure? It's killing me!! I know he's OK and is probably seeing someone else now. How could he just drop me like that? How could he not face telling me he'd had enough yet was able to open up to me about his past?!
I don't get it. Any advice would be appreciated.
2007-01-19 07:35:24 · 35 answers · asked by Nicole B 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
hey just had to help you with this one because its so strange but ive just went through a similar thing. i was seeing a guy for six months there, exact same, we didnt sleep together until 2 months in, he was just out of a bad relationship but the difference is i was just out of a bad relationship too. we stopped seeing one another 3 weeks ago and he actually gave me an explanation. so i hope this might be similar to how your guy was feeling.
simple answer - he got scared.
my guy did the same he opened up to me too but what i see it as was basically a warning to you that he just wasnt ready for anything serious. of course aswell he found you as a good listener so be proud that you are seen as a caring, listening person.
i think that maybe he was getting too close to you and maybe he was developing intense feelings towards you and thats it - he just got scared. he is only protecting himself from a broken heart.
perhaps in time in the future, when he has healed, you two can get together again and be a couple. if its meant to be it will happen, if not it isnt a great loss because there will be someone else who can give you the care you deserve and who isnt scared to give it.
take this as an experience where you have learned that you were there for someone when they needed help and soon your efforts will be rewarded.
p.s. keep busy it helps and talk about it to friends.
2007-01-19 11:51:21 · answer #1 · answered by dolly6 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This happened to me a few years back almost exactly the same events. I took it pretty hard since i was only 17 at the time. I think if he cannot give you closure then you have to seek it. Something i find worked well with another guy I was seeing last year was to text them something along the lines of: "Im getting the slight hint you might not be interested : p! No hard feelings, I enjoyed you're company so i'm hoping that mayb we can keep in contact as friends. It's up to you of course". Obviously if he doesn't even reply then he's a heartless b* who doesn't deserve you're time anyway. In my case, we got friendly then i decided i didn't really like him all that much!
2007-01-19 11:24:25 · answer #2 · answered by charlie_k21 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to say it, but it sounds to me like you were the prototypical "rebound." Not that I think he entered into the relationship with you with that in mind, or anything, nor do I want to sound like what you two shared wasn't "real," but I think in the end you turned out to be a transition for this guy. Without knowing too many details about your relationship, and going off strictly what you have said, I think he cut off contact with you because he probably doesn't know how to approach you now, because he really didn't want to hurt you and probably feels bad. I'm sure you will see/hear from him at some point in the future, and maybe then you can have a little of the closure you are looking for. Until then, I wouldn't force it or hold your breath waiting for it...just move on with your own life (I know, I know, sometimes easier said than done).
2007-01-19 07:43:38 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Some men (and women for that matter) have this idea that when they want to end a relationship they end it in a way that causes the least ammount of hassle to THEM.
Not contacting you was probably his way of getting out of a relationship he didn't want to be in without having to face up to it and tell you to your face.
I know it's hard when people do this and no matter how much everyone arround you tells you that they're a coward and not worth your time, you STILL want closure, you want him to tell you why.
Trouble is he's probably never going to tell you why and a confrontation may lead to him clamming up and you getting upset again.
My advice would be to forget about him, if he eventually decides to call tell him your open to an explanation but what he did hurt you; make sure he knows he can't treat people like this, and make sure your not going to stand for being treated in this way, not from him or anybody else.
Good luck hun xXxXx
2007-01-19 07:44:50 · answer #4 · answered by Rainbow-Taster 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Guys will do that. Maybe he just felt you weren't the one for him and he didn't know how to tell you. Sometimes guys are just immature and can't handle dealing with responsibility the way a girl thinks they should. Sometimes they think it will be a drama scene they want to avoid.
Remember all things work out for the better. If he dumped you there is most likely somebody more right for you. They say that Ronald Reagan could have married the girl he was seeing, but he ended up with Nancy and they had a fairy tale relationship. The grass isn't always as green as you think it is...so believe there is greener grass waiting for you.
Closure isn't always as important as they make it out to be. When I was a kid you had to deal with trauma in your own way. Closure can be as simple as just resolving within yourself that maybe he was a jerk and ways you aren't going to allow yourself to get used or hurt again.
A good book might be Men are from mars, Girls are from Venus
2007-01-19 07:55:18 · answer #5 · answered by sapphire_630 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
From a guy's perspesctive: Guys sometimes have a tough time breaking up with women. It's just easier to not give you any reason...I know it sounds cruel but what is cruel to you is just a coward way out of something for him . It's not right at all but it happens. Anyone finds it easy to talk about themselves it takes a real person to be truthful and respectful and a man to admit somethhing difficult to someone else - Like in ur case he didn't want to continue the relationship.
Good luck and try to keep busy....Dnt worry about that dude he's not worh ur time if ur not worth his honesty!
2007-01-19 07:47:20 · answer #6 · answered by Chef 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is crappy of this guy not to let you know what's going on. If he is involved with someone else now, but still has no problems with you, he might feel awkward about contacting you - particularly after having slept with you.
I had a guy I really liked open up to me about everything, confide in me and even get intimate with me but he had been hurt numerous times before by other girls and was obsessed with one of them. No matter how close he seemed to get to me, he wasn't going anywhere solid with it.
I think he just needed someone to cling to and get affection/support from because being alone and hurt is hard enough as it is.
I can't say for sure because I don't know your guy personally, but he may have done the same exact thing and relied on you as a cushion for a segue` from his last relationship and had no intention of anything serious.
And I know how that can hurt if that's really the case.
2007-01-19 07:44:20 · answer #7 · answered by jetkitty83 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
keep yourself occupied. pick up a hobby. time will cure this wound. it all depends on what you do in between. dont lay around and wonder why. go out with your friends, paint a picture, exercise... do whatever it takes.
it sounds like he used you as a rebound. hes a no good coward and it is probably for the best. i know it feels like you lost something but trust me you have gained so much more!!
the reason you dont get it is because you just cant comprehend someone doing something so cruel right? just remember he is immature and cannot face you, and just leave it at that. do not dwell on it any longer.
hang in there.
2007-01-19 07:44:47 · answer #8 · answered by NAQ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to just move on and forget it. He isn't going to ever tell you the truth about why he did what he did. He was coming out of a relationship and you were simply the rebound. I wouldn't waste my time on looking for a reason. Chalk this one up to a learning experience and move on. There are so many great guys out there who doesn't come with the baggage. Good luck.
2007-01-19 07:43:20 · answer #9 · answered by cookie 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Choosing a wife
A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.
Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.
Then, he married the one with the biggest boobs.
Men are like that, you know.
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's resea rch. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
If you don't send this to five OLD friends right away there will be five fewer people laughing in the world
2007-01-19 07:50:00 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 1⤋