How Does It Feel When You Adopt a Child?

Question

Hi, I'm writing a feature on celebrating motherhood and would love to hear some quotes from mums who have adopted babies/children. I'm interested in your feelings about any aspect as long as its positive! Any comments on your love for your child, how its changed your life etc would be great, thanks.

Answer 1

Coming from an adopted child my Mom loved me. I was chosen and I grew up knowing even thought my mom gave birth to my brother I was VERY special. Because if not for me he would not be here either. I know you wanted a moms opionion but I have nothing to say but amazing awesome things about being adopted. Drop me a line if you have a questions.

Answer 2

Well, according to my mother, it was amazing. All the waiting and anticipation is finally over and you get to bring your little one home at last. Being adopted, you do feel 'chosen' (although my mother said i chose her!) and special.
My brother, sister and i were adopted by 3 different families, so i think we have 12 parents in all (including different bio dads and a couple of step-parents) beat that!! We have all been loved and spoiled to within an inch of our lives!!
Good luck with your article - i'm sure it will be great!

Answer 3

My friend recently traced her birth mother through an agency, and unfortunately she didnt want to meet my friend as her "new"family didnt know my friend existed.She was upset but i think only as she had a lot of questions which i think is natural.We got talking a while back and i asked had she told her adoptive mother? and she said no she,d be devastated.I said maybe she would understand if you explained it was because you needed answers to certain things .Her answer was i couldnt hurt my mum like that, she,s the best mother i could have wished for then laughed and added "my mother believes she gave birth to me and that tells me how much she loves me"we both had a good wee cry.(to my friends mum barbara you are one in a million and had i needed someone to adopt me id have picked you.)

Answer 4

How about fathers too?

This is a very emotional subject for me. It is difficult to put into words how much love and joy our son has brought to our lives. I am sure I felt the same mix of joy, fear, intimidation, and relief when our son was born healthy.

All new parents feel completely overwhelmed and afraid of screwing up the child forever. My wife and I maybe felt this even more so because our son's birth mother said, in effect, I cannot take care of this baby, you would do a better job. Lots of pressure there.

Feel free to e-mail me, I will be glad to help if I can.

Answer 5

I am a mom to 2 wonderful daughters adopted internationally. Our oldest daughter, almost 12 years old, came into our lives at almost 8 months old from China. Our 2nd daughter was 5 months old when we brought her home from Cambodia, she is 6 now. They are the joys of my life!. I couldn't love a bio child anymore than I love and adore my daughters. They bring such joy, laughter and delight to us. They are our dreams come true.

Answer 6

I am adopted since i was 8 and know im 33,couldn't see me having a diffrent mother as well,She has two children that she gave birth to and two step children and two of us that are adopted, she tells every one that she couldn't tell you who was this and who was that.she is a wounder full mother I just love her to death,she has never and does not treat any of us any diffrent.she's just great.i know u want to ask mom's these ? but i thought i would tell u what mambe she would say, and she loves us all just the same

Answer 7

Oh my goodness - it is one of the most overwhelmingly powerful things we could do.

As someone with a son I adopted even though I knew I could have biological children, and as someone who does have two biological children, I can tell you you feel the same as anyone with biological children feel. There is, though, something "plus" about being an adopted mother: You do have to figure out how you will present the facts, you do have to figure out how to tell the child, you do have to think about how you will handle any reunion that takes place, and you do have to figure out how to make sure that child REALLY knows you don't see that fact that someone else gave birth to him as a big deal (while, at the same time, figuring out how to make sure he knows you don't underestimate the role of that biological mother).

You can feel an extra sense of responsibility because you decided to make another woman's biological child yours, and somehow screwing up with a child you adopted (with the expectation of giving that child more and better) can seem worse than screwing up with one's biological children.

You can often think of the line used in weddings, "What God has joined together let not man put asunder" - and you can feel that for some reason God put you and this child together.

You can feel as if someone else gave birth to your child, and you can wish you could have at least been there.

You can feel that the child's birthday is every bit as important to you as it would be to a biological mother because that is the day your child came into the world, and that is the day the child who would make you a mother came into the world.

You can feel a little regretful that you may not be able to give your child all the information of his birth or all the information of his biological family's medical history, but you can do your best to get as much as you can for your child.

You sometimes have to deal with a world that things the adopted relationship is second-best.

You sometimes have to deal with a world that believes what your child is he inherited when you, yourself, see that he is what he is because of the way you nurtured him and your biological children.

My son - like my two biological kids - added to my life in his own way. There are too many ways he has added to my life to either list here or even put into words.

Having an adopted child can make that song, "I'm everything I am because you loved me" particularly meaningful and could mean you end up crying at the doughnut shop or supermarket when they play it.

Having an adopted child can make you feel very good when you think about how you have made a child who needed a home your child and given everything to that child what one would give to a biological child (emotionally and otherwise). It can make you feel you've done one, big, thing in this world that may not be famous or showy but that is important.

As I write this I am waiting for my son (the adopted one) to bring his cat to my house because he doesn't want to leave it alone while he goes away for a (bloody) 24 hours or so!! He takes good care of that cat of his. In fact, he takes better care of that cat of his than the biological mother would ever have taken of him. That's not my opinion. It is how I was told it was. So, I broke the chain of babies who aren't cared for growing up to be parents who can't care for their babies. I broke just one link in just one chain, but that is one link and one chain less than there would have been.

When you have a child from infancy your nurturing actually alters the development of his brain (and therefore personality and even immune system for the rest of his life) (See www.zerotothree.org and effects of nurturing in the first three years of life.) Whether you gave birth to that child or not, your nurturing determines much about who and what they will be. I see it in the similarities of my own three kids.

Most of the time I don't think much about the fact that my son is adopted and the other two children are not. When asked to think about it, though, what I've written about are the things I came up with.

One last thing: When I was expecting my daughter, one of my sons was was almost three and the oldest one was seven. The three (four really) of us were curled up on the couch, watching television. My two sons fell asleep, so I figured I'd just stay there for the night. All through night I'd get kicked - first by the son who was at the opposite end of the couch with his feet in my direction, then by the baby from inside, and then by my little son who was curled up under my arm. It was one of the most MOVING experiences I've ever had in more way than one...

There on that couch was my world - my life. There on that couch was what being a mother was all about - complete with the unexpected kicks that came from one or the other child. There was the child I had had seven years to get to know, there was my precious little guy that I also knew well but who hadn't yet had quite as much history with me, and there was the unborn child I just didn't know at all but liked thinking about anyway. In that one unifying thing they shared of kicking me all through that night it just seemed so clear they were all "the same" to me.

Having an adopted child is the same as having a biological child - there are the kicks, the challenges, the worries, and the times when you are scared to death about one thing or another. It is never about being less than having a biological child, though, It is always pretty much the same only with that occasional "plus" factor - those few other issues that need to be addressed.

Answer 8

It's the best thing we ever did, and the hardest thing we ever did.